Why does my man masturbate and deny me sex?

Been together a year sex is awesome about 3 mos ago we slowed it down to 4 times a week now I'm lucky to get it 2 times a week he claimed his drive is not that of mine he is 44 and I'm 35 ok yadee yadee yadee I ask him to get freaky and want him to use toys on me and have fun together instead of just same old do the deed thing he has never accommodated my requests so I gave up asking and take what he gives. I crave him he is awesome and I love watching porn together and dressing up for him but he well you get it. Now he is literally denying me sex and I'm lucky to get it 1 ev 10 days but I busted him watching porn and jacking off like 3 to 4 times a week when he has a hot and ready pretty girlfriend he spends tons of money on all the time lying in bed literally crying myself to sleep asking him for sex and then asking what's wrong with me and why this is his deal, he was so shocked when I confronted him and tried to lie but our dvd player has last spot memory and I check it I mean the mans nuts would explode if he wasnt doing something to release and he has steadily until confronting him tried to feed me the "im old and not so much sex drive shit" What do I do? I have told him in detail Baby lets get freaky go to a strip club and ill get you table dances and get you all hot and bothered and then come home & ravage you. No is his answer. ? I'm hot ok I have never had a man turn me down EVER ill send you my pic so you don't think I'm some fat ugly chick ? HHHHHHHHHHEeellppp! I really love him and everything else is perfect but sex is not ok in this deal and I don't want to waste any more time but this has only been going on for like a month and its just progressing the number of times he's doing himself and denying me like the last 1 to 2 weeks I only was privileged 1 time!@

 

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • Well, there's a difference between a wank and sex. I've defiantly had a wank when I've denied sex with my Girlfriend (like your scenario).

    A quick wank for a guy is a great stress relief. We don't have to worry about what our partner wants, are we doing things right, are we making them feel good. We don't need to worry about condoms or the pill or what not. Don't have any pressure, and you can have a wank thinking about whatever you wish (or watching whatever). Plus there's no "cuddle time" after. It's a completely selfish event where all you have to worry about is yourself.

    Now, having said all that, if you're not being pleased enough for your own urges, you can try a few things.

    1: Firstly realise it's NOT you. It's not the way you look or anything to do with you. Some girls wonder why a guy wants to still masturbate at ALL in a relationship. It's more than just an orgasm. Masturbation is a key part of male life.

    2: Ease up. Believe it or not, but pressuring him for sex will make him less likely to want to do it.

    3: Perhaps please yourself. You could even suggest mutual masturbation, or even just watching. He could watch you, or you him. Or both.

    Trying to 'force' it won't help, it will come in time.

What Guys Said 17

  • Sounds like you two need counseling.

  • A smell of link

  • thats messed up I wish I had a hot woman offering me sex and sex toy pleasure everyday..he needs to try to please you

  • lol! did you do something to really p*ss him off?

  • he probably got used to self masturbation

    maybe try to seduce him with ur appearance and dress code

  • leave your man and hook up with me because I have the same problem with my girl. I guess I just have a high sex drive because I want it everyday, sometimes two times a day, maybe more. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, we have been together for about 4 years and she just never wants it. I always make sure she gets hers before I get mine but that doesn't matter I guess. hell, if we were together we could hump like rabbits everyday and we would both be satisfied all the time.

  • Well, the issue could be a number of things, but they all are in his head. I am guessing it is just easier for him to fly solo than to get you up and running. So, he has gotten lazy sexually.

    I hope there is more to your relationship than sex, because if not, you might need to find a new place to stay. It might be time to call in professional help; couples counseling.

    ok, send the picture. :-)

    Good Luck,

    James

  • He is sleeping with someone else! Seriously, he is.

  • I don't know... Viagra perhaps? lol

  • Either he is more traditional, and doesn't want to over do it, sex gets to be less interesting when you do it too often, he's probably just saving up the pleasure. Or he honestly doesn't have sex drive.

    Hope it helped,

    M

  • The problem is with guys is that they can lose a sex drive but we still feel the need to release sexual energy and the hand does a quick, smooth job of doing it.

    It's easier to get yourself erect than someone else to get you erect. But that may not be the problem.

    You seem like you want to keep trying new things... but maybe your partner is watching something he REALLY wants to try when watching porn. If that's the case you need to speak to him and get to understand what he wants and how he wants it.

  • Why do people think feeding the sickness will cure the symptoms?

  • Hard news, girl: I don't see any fixing this.

    You have been, you know you have been, the PERFECT girlfriend. Read your post. There's nothing more you can do, nothing more anyone could have done. Talk about it? You have. Watch porn with him? You have. You FREELY OFFERED to take him to a strip club, not something most girls try. Still nothing. I don't have many more tricks. (Though I'm stealing all of yours. Thanks for that.)

    For his own reasons, he's decided that he doesn't want that much sex with you. An unfair decision, given that he doesn't appear to have asked for your input. Your decision, then, is whether to: Stay in a relationship without sex, get out, or keep the relationship and get the sex elsewhere.

    I'm real sorry. You're way too good a girl for this.

    P.S.: Feel free to send those pics.



  • Maybe he is completely turned off by your inability to write in paragraph form.

    • Oh come on, that's funny :]

    • FYI I think this site is about women asking men relationship quesitons not a literacy judging site.. Get a clue I am trying to save my relationship not win a contest ! I had to type in a hurry becasuse if he came in and saw this it might make our situation worse by embarrasing him... No I wasn't concerned at all about complete or proper sentences/punctuation/capitalization I am looking fror advice on my situation. Maybe you all should join another site to judge writing. Really..Really..lmao

    • Awesome

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  • OK, I read this twice so here is what I think.

    YES your picture shows that you are HOT! Let's say that I would give up one of my nuts to be with you. So your absolutely right about that.

    I'm about the same age as your guy. All guys masturbate whether we are in a relationship or not.

    Now the problem or question is why is he doing this so much and jeopardizing your relationship?

    Unfortunately sometimes some people are "A" sexual. Could be the case here. How long has it been since he's been in a relationship? If it's been a while he may have gotten addicted to porn.

    Also unfortunately sometimes when that happens nothing matches the "rhythm" of your own hand.

    I read that you will watch porn with him. Your up for almost anything.

    I can not imagine why he would continue with self gratification at the expense of your relationship. So his libido talk is B.S. he's doing it several times a week on his own.

    I'm not much help here am I?

    This is hard.

    A relationship is also based largely on sex. He may be Mr. Wonderful in all other aspects but one of the most important one to you.

    Obviously this is not fair to you. I think that a very serious talk is in order. I know that you don't want to threaten to leave him but maybe you need to imply this if he doesn't include you in his own activities.

    I'm sure that you have repeatedly told him something similar to the fact that you want to be included. That he not be ashamed or feel bashful about his want's or fantasies.

    Let's role play out "your" (his) fantasies.

    I keep coming back to giving some serious consideration to moving on if he is unwilling to try & change. If he is "A" sexual & he is willing to work on that as I know that you are willing to take some time to help him & work on this with him.

    The next thing that I can think of is going to counseling. If you are willing to hang in there for a bit maybe that can help. If he is reluctant to go than try to go alone. Professional advice may be best in learning how to work through this.

    I'm not so sure that a trip to an internist would do much good to have his testosterone level checked as he is masturbating on his own so I would assume that would check out OK.

    Viagra probably isn't the answer either, as he can get it up.

    Maybe at the risk of losing you he may seek professional help. Lets hope so.

    Message me if you want. It is hard to get into another guys head when when almost all the guys in this world would want to get into your pants.

    Hmmmm sorry I'm just not sure. Like you said if you were obese or unattractive one maybe able to understand but obviously that is not the case here.

  • That is unfortunate. Something else is going on in his head that he isn't telling you. What I don't know. Don't force yourself on him, jump him, whatever it is you do to to get him into bed with you. You're gonna have to talk to him. Don't put him on the spot; he'll just pull away and lie to you again. I don't like being put on the spot. I feel overwhelmed cornered and I'll try to find a way out of the situation instead of answering any questions. If he continues to back away from the situation just tell him, "when you're ready to talk, I'm here for you and I'll listen." If I hear that; when I feel ready; I'll talk to you. It could be a few hours, days, or weeks before I do but I'll let you know soon enough. After you tell him that, just let it slide until he's ready. Let me know how it went if you used my advice. Best of luck.

  • yeah to behonest my first thought is that maybe you have let yourself go?

    But I haven't seen you so I could be wrong.

    • Ok, looking at your profile pic, I am wrong. you actually look pretty good.

What Girls Said 9

  • Honey I totally hear you !.

    I was with a guy like that for almost 3 years the 1st year fantastic but it slowly progressed like you to once a week. I was flummoxed why only down to once a week but after I saw what he was watching on the PC when I was not home became painfully clear to me what was going on. When I discovered this I was upset to say the least & in very unconfrontational way said to him well I know why you don't come near me.

    I'm the same as you, hot body pretty blond long hair handspun waist & a great pair of knockers even if I say so myself.

    Everyone else but the man I loved would have walked over broken glass for even a shot at what he had.

    I first became suspicious as he would immediately jump in the shower the moment I came home before I'd even walked in the room to attempt to jump his bones. I did remark how funny it was but he reacted very angrily & said I was paranoid.

    He claimed oh sex goes once the first flush of being together was over & he just wasn't horny anymore.

    By this stage I was ready to climb the walls & I after cried myself to sleep at night & became so frustrated & angry that he wouldn't even talk about it.

    He got more and more sneaky pretending to be in the shower, on the loo while he sorted himself out then told me I was paranoid. Man he even did it in the bathroom when I was eating dinner one time. Christ It got me so down, I lost my confidence, in the end could not sleep & ended up on anti depressants.

    I would urge you not to waste time like I did, his unwillingness to even talk about it.

    I like you suggested all sorts to try & sort it out. Man I even suggested a sank night which I thought was genius but no.

    All I can say girl is run for the hills it will only get worse & find yourself a man who wants sex a minimum of 2 or 3 times a week with you not his hand.

    This is not your fault but something wired in your BF.

    is your Boyfriend moody & irritable & uncommunicative after he has jerked off in secret behind your back?.

    Mine was an idiot & used to leave his dirty underwear in the washing. when we were 1st together he always did the washing I know know why. there are all sorts of give aways. I really feel for you I have to say it was the most painful experience of my adult life & wouldn't wish it on anyone.

  • Have you ever tried... reverse psychology on him? He is still with you, so obviously there must be something else there other than the sex, because we all know that's not working out too great right now. Why don't you just pretend to not be interested in having sex with him anymore, but still look sexy in your everyday clothes. Maybe even pretend to lose interest and see how he reacts. It's just a thought. Sometimes people like the chase, crave what they can't/shouldn't have, maybe it might get your sex life back on track again. But next time you guys do have an intimate moment... you should try just teasing him, don't just take him like you normally would, deny him. Hopefully next after that, he will want you more?

  • He is having sex with another person.

    My ex hubby did this to me. My ex wouldn't touch me and I'd catch him masterbating all the time to dirty mags.

    Turns out he was cheating on me with an old hag.

    We are divorced.

  • It shouldn't be like this. If you have brought it up to him, and he continues to deny you sex, I would break up with him. I'm serious, that is a major indicator something is wrong in your relationship. Maybe he is feeling frustrated with the relationship, making it difficult for him to get turned on.

  • Become self reliant, do not "need" him for a month or two. Be very kind and loving, give him special things (meals, or snacks) you know he likes. And don't ask for sex, but ask for hugs and kisses, other intimacy's. If kindness, tolerance and forgiveness does not work, nothing will. Perhaps YOU need to have the emotional strength to go without sex for a while, sex does not = love.

  • Ok, I don't want to bring you down, but he may be cheating on you, it's just a suggestion, I've seen this type of thing before, and they are usually cheating, but I may be wrong...

  • I have had a friend just like you in a similar situation. She found out that her boyfriend was addicted to porn. He became so bad that he couldn't even get a erection unless it is from watching porn. A lot of men go to porn for different reasons. 1) They don't have to worry about pleasing anyone but themselves. 2) They can act our fanasties they may be afraid of in real life 3) Emotional Issues. If you have only been together 3 months and this is happening it is probably emotional issues and a habit of his he has been hiding all along. I know the guy my friend was with was molested as a child and just gave her sex at the beginning to appease her but really didn't like it. He had issues with sex from being abused as a child. I am not saying that is what is going on, but it could be. There is def. something going on, it is up to you to ask him and find out.

  • Well maybe he's right, maybe his sex drive is slowing down, but the masterbating.. maybe its just his way of getting a quick bust, without having to do work.. I dunno, that's crazy, I'd be pissed too.

  • At the risk of sounding like an idiot, I'm going to put in my two cents worth. Honey, I've BEEN you. I've been married for 30 years and there was a period of about 9 months, 2 years into the marriage that I had the same situation as you are having now. It makes me sad for you because I can understand just how you feel. In our situation, it seems that part of the problem was that *I* was the one with the biggest sexual appetite. I was constantly initiating sex, talking about sex, wanting sex. At the time, I had no idea what a huge problem this was for him. In his mind, *HE* was supposed to be the one to initiate sex and should have the more powerful sex drive. It actually came to the point that he told me, and I'm quoting here "you treat me like a piece of meat". I always thought women used that line. What a shocker that was! In my mind, I was drawn to him, aroused by him and wanted him to know that. It made him feel less 'MALE', and lacking in some way because his wife had a stronger sex drive that he did. It actually scared him to think he couldn't keep up with me and that I would stray. After many nights spent talking and crying and finally getting all of this out and discussed, I began to understand how my constant 'demands' made him feel less and less sexually drawn to me. The porn vids/pix were there for him when HE wanted them, how he wanted them and IF he wanted them. THEY made no demands on him. With them, HE was in total control. It took a lot of time and effort on both our parts to finally get all this out and find some common ground. I'm sharing this only because he was brave enough to share with me how my actions made him feel. And right or wrong, this is how he felt. I hope that you two can get this sorted out and find a compromise. John-Bee makes some really good points and acealmighty13 sounds like HE could be my husband with his description of how women's questioning makes him feel overwhelmed and cornered . Ace, your candor and self awareness is AWESOME, and I mean that in all sincerity! SexUally, I hope that you can step back and give him a chance to explain to you what is going on. He may not actually know himself right now, or for some reason isn't ready or comfortable in sharing it. Good luck to you. I hope things work out well and you'll let us know how it works out.

    • China Blue thank you ...really from my heart I truly thank you and I think you have a point there about me taking the manhood role away from him. This is worth a try after all talking isn't working and he is in total denial so I am going to put it on cruise control and see what happens. I am so glad you took the time to share your story with me & now I don't feel alone and as if the only woman that this is happening/happened to. God Bless

    • Thank you for answering. I hope if she checks back that you have helped her, since you were in a similar situation.

    • China, that is what I was going to say, but you said it better than I would have. The only thing I might add is that sometimes sex is just too much effort. You can do it alone in a couple minutes. Maybe he is tired stressed or a bit bores, but I think China has a good grip on the situation.

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