Why does my man masturbate and deny me sex?

Been together a year sex is awesome about 3 mos ago we slowed it down to 4 times a week now I'm lucky to get it 2 times a week he claimed his drive is not that of mine he is 44 and I'm 35 ok yadee yadee yadee I ask him to get freaky and want him to use toys on me and have fun together instead of just same old do the deed thing he has never accommodated my requests so I gave up asking and take what he gives. I crave him he is awesome and I love watching porn together and dressing up for him but he well you get it. Now he is literally denying me sex and I'm lucky to get it 1 ev 10 days but I busted him watching porn and jacking off like 3 to 4 times a week when he has a hot and ready pretty girlfriend he spends tons of money on all the time lying in bed literally crying myself to sleep asking him for sex and then asking what's wrong with me and why this is his deal, he was so shocked when I confronted him and tried to lie but our dvd player has last spot memory and I check it I mean the mans nuts would explode if he wasnt doing something to release and he has steadily until confronting him tried to feed me the "im old and not so much sex drive shit" What do I do? I have told him in detail Baby lets get freaky go to a strip club and ill get you table dances and get you all hot and bothered and then come home & ravage you. No is his answer. ? I'm hot ok I have never had a man turn me down EVER ill send you my pic so you don't think I'm some fat ugly chick ? HHHHHHHHHHEeellppp! I really love him and everything else is perfect but sex is not ok in this deal and I don't want to waste any more time but this has only been going on for like a month and its just progressing the number of times he's doing himself and denying me like the last 1 to 2 weeks I only was privileged 1 time!@


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, there's a difference between a wank and sex. I've defiantly had a wank when I've denied sex with my Girlfriend (like your scenario).

    A quick wank for a guy is a great stress relief. We don't have to worry about what our partner wants, are we doing things right, are we making them feel good. We don't need to worry about condoms or the pill or what not. Don't have any pressure, and you can have a wank thinking about whatever you wish (or watching whatever). Plus there's no "cuddle time" after. It's a completely selfish event where all you have to worry about is yourself.

    Now, having said all that, if you're not being pleased enough for your own urges, you can try a few things.

    1: Firstly realise it's NOT you. It's not the way you look or anything to do with you. Some girls wonder why a guy wants to still masturbate at ALL in a relationship. It's more than just an orgasm. Masturbation is a key part of male life.

    2: Ease up. Believe it or not, but pressuring him for sex will make him less likely to want to do it.

    3: Perhaps please yourself. You could even suggest mutual masturbation, or even just watching. He could watch you, or you him. Or both.

    Trying to 'force' it won't help, it will come in time.

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What Guys Said 18

  • A smell of link

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  • Hard news, girl: I don't see any fixing this.

    You have been, you know you have been, the PERFECT girlfriend. Read your post. There's nothing more you can do, nothing more anyone could have done. Talk about it? You have. Watch porn with him? You have. You FREELY OFFERED to take him to a strip club, not something most girls try. Still nothing. I don't have many more tricks. (Though I'm stealing all of yours. Thanks for that.)

    For his own reasons, he's decided that he doesn't want that much sex with you. An unfair decision, given that he doesn't appear to have asked for your input. Your decision, then, is whether to: Stay in a relationship without sex, get out, or keep the relationship and get the sex elsewhere.

    I'm real sorry. You're way too good a girl for this.

    P.S.: Feel free to send those pics.



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  • Why do people think feeding the sickness will cure the symptoms?

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  • Well, the issue could be a number of things, but they all are in his head. I am guessing it is just easier for him to fly solo than to get you up and running. So, he has gotten lazy sexually.

    I hope there is more to your relationship than sex, because if not, you might need to find a new place to stay. It might be time to call in professional help; couples counseling.

    ok, send the picture. :-)

    Good Luck,

    James

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  • Maybe he is completely turned off by your inability to write in paragraph form.

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    • Priceless....

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    • FYI I think this site is about women asking men relationship quesitons not a literacy judging site.. Get a clue I am trying to save my relationship not win a contest ! I had to type in a hurry becasuse if he came in and saw this it might make our situation worse by embarrasing him... No I wasn't concerned at all about complete or proper sentences/punctuation/capitalization I am looking fror advice on my situation. Maybe you all should join another site to judge writing. Really..Really..lmao

    • Oh come on, that's funny :]

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What Girls Said 10

  • At the risk of sounding like an idiot, I'm going to put in my two cents worth. Honey, I've BEEN you. I've been married for 30 years and there was a period of about 9 months, 2 years into the marriage that I had the same situation as you are having now. It makes me sad for you because I can understand just how you feel. In our situation, it seems that part of the problem was that *I* was the one with the biggest sexual appetite. I was constantly initiating sex, talking about sex, wanting sex. At the time, I had no idea what a huge problem this was for him. In his mind, *HE* was supposed to be the one to initiate sex and should have the more powerful sex drive. It actually came to the point that he told me, and I'm quoting here "you treat me like a piece of meat". I always thought women used that line. What a shocker that was! In my mind, I was drawn to him, aroused by him and wanted him to know that. It made him feel less 'MALE', and lacking in some way because his wife had a stronger sex drive that he did. It actually scared him to think he couldn't keep up with me and that I would stray. After many nights spent talking and crying and finally getting all of this out and discussed, I began to understand how my constant 'demands' made him feel less and less sexually drawn to me. The porn vids/pix were there for him when HE wanted them, how he wanted them and IF he wanted them. THEY made no demands on him. With them, HE was in total control. It took a lot of time and effort on both our parts to finally get all this out and find some common ground. I'm sharing this only because he was brave enough to share with me how my actions made him feel. And right or wrong, this is how he felt. I hope that you two can get this sorted out and find a compromise. John-Bee makes some really good points and acealmighty13 sounds like HE could be my husband with his description of how women's questioning makes him feel overwhelmed and cornered . Ace, your candor and self awareness is AWESOME, and I mean that in all sincerity! SexUally, I hope that you can step back and give him a chance to explain to you what is going on. He may not actually know himself right now, or for some reason isn't ready or comfortable in sharing it. Good luck to you. I hope things work out well and you'll let us know how it works out.

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    • Can you explain or message her on exactly how you worked your problem out? Did you two just sit down & talk or get professional help?

      Everybody is different, I personally wouldn't mind my "girl' treating me like a piece of meat.

      I can see where I would be afraid or ashamed if I could not keep up.

      I know that I would stop the masturbating. I do understand what you are saying.

      Good points & thanks for sharing & trying to help her.

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    • Thank you for answering. I hope if she checks back that you have helped her, since you were in a similar situation.

    • China Blue thank you ...really from my heart I truly thank you and I think you have a point there about me taking the manhood role away from him. This is worth a try after all talking isn't working and he is in total denial so I am going to put it on cruise control and see what happens. I am so glad you took the time to share your story with me & now I don't feel alone and as if the only woman that this is happening/happened to. God Bless

  • I have had a friend just like you in a similar situation. She found out that her boyfriend was addicted to porn. He became so bad that he couldn't even get a erection unless it is from watching porn. A lot of men go to porn for different reasons. 1) They don't have to worry about pleasing anyone but themselves. 2) They can act our fanasties they may be afraid of in real life 3) Emotional Issues. If you have only been together 3 months and this is happening it is probably emotional issues and a habit of his he has been hiding all along. I know the guy my friend was with was molested as a child and just gave her sex at the beginning to appease her but really didn't like it. He had issues with sex from being abused as a child. I am not saying that is what is going on, but it could be. There is def. something going on, it is up to you to ask him and find out.

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  • Have you ever tried... reverse psychology on him? He is still with you, so obviously there must be something else there other than the sex, because we all know that's not working out too great right now. Why don't you just pretend to not be interested in having sex with him anymore, but still look sexy in your everyday clothes. Maybe even pretend to lose interest and see how he reacts. It's just a thought. Sometimes people like the chase, crave what they can't/shouldn't have, maybe it might get your sex life back on track again. But next time you guys do have an intimate moment... you should try just teasing him, don't just take him like you normally would, deny him. Hopefully next after that, he will want you more?

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  • It shouldn't be like this. If you have brought it up to him, and he continues to deny you sex, I would break up with him. I'm serious, that is a major indicator something is wrong in your relationship. Maybe he is feeling frustrated with the relationship, making it difficult for him to get turned on.

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  • He is having sex with another person.

    My ex hubby did this to me. My ex wouldn't touch me and I'd catch him masterbating all the time to dirty mags.

    Turns out he was cheating on me with an old hag.

    We are divorced.

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