Do most men want to marry virgins?
okay so men want sex... it seems all the time and will do all sorts of things to get a woman in bed with him but when it comes to marriage and... Show More
Most Helpful Opinion
No. I'm a virgin at almost 25. And I want an experienced girl who will totally corrupt me and make me whimper. (Is that hypocritical of me?)
What Guys Said 18
Are men's attitudes about this hypocritical? YES!
But that's because society still teaches us that women should be virgins at marriage, when that concept is TOTALLY INCOMPATIBLE with a society where the average marriage age is 30!
Our biology says that we're supposed to start having sex once we go through puberty, and throughout all of history, that's pretty much what happened. Prior to 50 years ago, women married at an average age of about 15, worldwide, and since at least the beginning of written history. And that's just an average. Even in the US, girls marrying at 13 and 14 wasn't at all remarkable until the 1960s, and some married as early as 11 and 12, though that was rarer. Men on average were a year or two older, but still just barely into their sexual peak years (16-25 or so). Being a virgin on your wedding day wasn't really asking a lot; it was a realistic expectation.
But you also need to realize that in much of the world, women either didn't go to school AT ALL, or went through 6th Grade or similar. Most men did have some formal education, but even in the US, prior to WWII, most men only had an 8th Grade education; high school wasn't by any means a requirement, and most people lived rural lives that didn't require high levels of education. College was strictly for well-to-do families and a handful of extremely gifted students who were given scholarships.
Today, a HS diploma is considered the absolute minimum requirement to even be a shopping cart fetcher at Walmart, and most people consider college to be vital for getting a decent job, for both men and women. Hell, many jobs that used to ask for a HS diploma 30 years ago want a MASTER'S degree today. By the type you start career, you're often 25, deeply in debt, and in an entry-level job that will take you several years just to get stable. It's no wonder that people don't get married until they're 30, and often have kids even later. But it's totally unrealistic to expect people to remain celibate for an extra 15+ years, especially given that this means men would be celibate through their entire sexual peak years. It just doesn't happen.
These changes in our society have happened in just 50 years, or 2.5 generations, and that's so fast that our societal attitudes, rules, and expectations just haven't been able to keep up. People are still teaching their kids rules that simply don't apply in this new paradigm. It's not much different than teaching kids that the earth is flat and the sun revolves around it; those ideas just have no relevance today.
Until we accept that these old mores are simply not applicable anymore, we'll continue to be hypocritical in our expectations and struggle with the conflict that brings.
I didn't expect a virgin, I got one.
Btw, an interesting quote I found on GaG:
"I think the guys who are obsessed with dating virgins are simply terrified of being compared to past lovers. (A fear that would be even worse if she was a hooker who had many many past lovers.)"
I think its accurate that most men prefer their partner to have not been with other men. For some men this is very important, and others its cool little fantasy but not very important.
It is likely men have some drive to seek out virgins for serious relationships because, for most of our evolution, that guaranteed paternity. Having sex with random women was an effective mating strategy for men, so was finding a woman who would sleep with ONLY him and 'falling in love' and supporting her and the children (which since she was only with him, would be HIS kids).
In a sense there is 'no win' for anyone in this. I think the traditional approach most cultures undertook was the best effort to address this - young female virgins were married off to relatively young men who had very limited experience outside of perhaps a prostitute. There -was- no long stretch of 'if you do you're a whore if you don't you're prude'. They just skipped straight to the marriage step. Note that people used to remarry very frequently in past centuries as people died off.
The 'problem' today is that marriage is being pushed way back (far beyond men's sexual peak, and frankly up to the point where female fertility is starting to drop). People are waiting to marry for social/economic reasons but being celibate from puberty till you're mid 30's is not very appealing.
I suspect most men now just accept they will marry a non virgin. But some don't.
Unfair (life isn't) and hypocritical (it is, but it's not that simple) as that seems, you see this correctly. A poster here posted a thoughtful and thought provoking article called "Why Men Watch Porn" which offers an explanation for that but also a plausible explanation for the apparent hypocrisy of male sexuality in general. Read it not just to understand why we like to watch BJ's online but why we can "love 'em and leave 'em in our late teens and 20's but become "TV Dads" by age 35. This is it.
The sophisticated "sex in the city" lifestyle of modern women, looking at sexuality as a gourmet pursuit: "Well, I think I will engage in some multiracial/transgender triple penetration tonight!"...is a lie perpetuated in the media and on the internet. For those women, including posters here, who have been down with several different men by age 21, I question whether they can ever transition into stable, monogamous, loving relationships. They may be good for sport when they are young and firm but not as wives and mothers over the long term.
Women's modern sexual politics and fixations have turned them into men with Vaginas who pride themselves on lacking and rejecting traditional feminine strongholds like parenting and home making as servitude who will inevitably be washed-up before age 30 when the next batch of fresh puzzy comes along. That's when they seduce some poor sucker with good career prospects into marriage and then begin compiling financial data the following day as they program their divorce lawyer's number into their I-Phones.
Men: Call this the fukking you get for the fukking you got.
Cynical? Experience can do that. Minus me as you wish. You all know it's true.
not me. virgins are just another training program. I am willing to train but that is different from marriage.
Inexperienced or experienced I don't care much. I would like a virgin for the experience
I wouldn't even date a girl that is saving herself for marriage, so marrying one is not going to be a possibility.
Yes, absolutely, most just realize it is very unlikely to happen so they rationalize it doesn't matter, even if they really would had prefered it.
Not guy in his right mind would prefer to marry someone and know that other men used her and enjoyed her and made her a woman, and now he only has the leftovers.
Guys would just shot those images and try not to think about how other man penis and semen was inside his girl, how other men were the ones who made her feel that first pain and know that she remembers it vividly.
Sometimes you just have to work with what you have. If you love her, I guess you can put up with that and just try to not think about how your children will be inside a house where other men have been.
Wouldn't matter to me.
i wouldn't mind it would mean that we would be on equal turns per say
Well then maybe it depends on the individual male? I never wanted a virgin & never had one...all my gfs & wife had experience...wife was married once before...(:(:(:
I wouldn't marry a virgin. I wouldn't marry a woman who had too many partners neither.
More than three partners and it's too much.
I don't consider women prudes for waiting, that's the last thing I'd think. I respect it.
Based on my own beliefs and preferences, yes I'd like to meet someone like-minded, but in these times it seems almost impossible.
Virgins are for marrying, would you rather a used farrari or one brand new?
Not necessarily a virgin for me, but I don't want anything to do with a promiscuous chick. Fewer partners the better, but I don't sleep around either, so...
I'd prefer a virgin over a girl that has had several partners and/or casual sexual encounters any day.
Yes I will only marry a virgin. but I bang as many girls as I can.
If I were to get married I'd pick a prude over a whore any day. My idea girl wouldn't have to be a virgin. That would be hypocritical of me because I was with two girls in my life. However I wouldn't want a town girl and truthfully if she's been with more than 3 or 4 people that's a little scary for me.
What Girls Said 4
i've heard both ends...although I think it is hypocritical. because if a man expects sex in a relationship it isn't fair for him to only want to marry a virgin.
Most men are freakin' hypocrites.
Men want to have sex with plenty of females but they don't want to settle with a woman who had partners before them.
That's their logic.
Guys are insecure hypocrites, they don't want to be compared to former lovers but they watch p*rn and compare us to p*rn girls! ridiculous, I say if your under 30 and you can count em on one hand then your doing alright, the few virginal 20 year olds I've met have never had a boyfriend and are ridiculously shy, and that's not all women. Sorry guys, you can drop the creepy virgin fantasy.
Only bitter virgins do