How can you reliably *tell* if a women likes sex or not (and what specifically) *without asking*?

I've been married for quite some years. My wife *pretended* she liked sex *for two years* until we got married, and then it was over. I'm lucky if we do it twice a month. She thinks sex "isn't important" and that it's "normal" to have sex twice a month max, despite me finding several statistics from official renown websites proving otherwise. Surprisingly enough, I got totally depressed and now she said she wants to divorce, but is waiting until she finds "mister right" on the net. How lovely! Why did she pretend? Is it not obvious that this was going to happen?

So, when I'll be single again, how will I be able to tell if a women is honest on that front or not? You can't just ask, when you started dating someone, unless you want a slap in the face, and anyway you can't trust the answer (if it's positive). But what is the point in spending months dating someone, if from day one you could tell it cannot work if you knew?

So, how can you reliably find out without asking, and without spending months dating first? Life is too short to waste your time like that.

 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • well if she is looking for mr. right on the net I am sorry she will not find him. Even a man into the, how did you put it, High brow literature she writes, will still want sex, and more than 2 times a month. I do not know a single man, unless he is on meds, that only wants it 2 times a month. It is going to be hard to move on but you just need to be honest with the next women you are serious with. It is not something to bring up on your first few dates cause she will think you are moving to fast to be talking about that kind of stuff. You will know when the time is right to talk about it. Just let her know that your ex failed to mention certain things about how she felt about sex in a relationship, and ask you how she feel on the subject. Ask her if she feels in is an important part of a healthy relationship and what does she thing a good amount in one months time is. If you are honest and fully explain what and why you are asking she will or should respect you for it. I love when men are open and honest about what they want, expect and how they feel. It reminds me that they are not just men but human. Most men feel the need to hold everything in and so when it comes to a problem like they they do not want to confront it before it becomes a problem. But th only way to avoid getting another woman like you ex is to sit down and talk about it with your next partner. But like I said do not talk abut it the first few dates, wait and see if the relationship is going to develop enough for you to even worry about that. You will know if it is serious enough and when the time is right to have the talk. If I am right and most of the time I tend to be at least on the safe side of right, as I am a woman. Young but still a woman. Most woman want that kind of man, honest and able to talk about how he feels. Communication is actually more important, it is close, but more important than sex in a relationship cause without it the relationship can't grow, that is where your ex messed up right from the start. Good luck and just remember to take it slow and be honest with what you feel, and find out hw she feels on the subject, any subject for that matter. Look in her eyes when you are talking to her and that should tell you what you need to know. Did your ex do that or would she look away or move and fidget when you talked abut this stuff. that is always a key sign that something if not all of what they are saying is not the complete truth and they are lying about something. and by the way the best way to tell if the woman is enjoying it during is to look right into her eyes. If there is no sign of pleasure in her eyes or on her face then she is not enjoying it. Body movements sometimes work but some woman can work around that. It will be hard to tell but remember the eyes reveal a lot about woman in and out of the bedroom.

    • Another way to make sure you keep her interested is not make sure you don't just have sex talk about it. Find out what each other likes and does not this way there are so surprises. Like she might not like missionary but you do ,she is either just going to laying there or she is going to fake it to not hurt your feelings. Me and my man of 7 years had that very problem. At first I tried not to make him feel he was doing anything wrong but I just told him to change up and oh my god!!!!

What Girls Said 3

  • A lot of women will play the game until the catch their prize. It is also normal for sex to get less active after marriage. It's just facts that things can get ordinary instead of wild and crazy. The best way is to really get to know your next partner. Does she really like sex? Also, don't always go in for the kill...start with small nice things like a touch during the day or a nice compliment. Women know when you are going in for the kill...so slowly do nice things during the day and work up to the bedroom.

  • When your on your first date it might sound a bit weird but tell her the story of your ex wife. If she feels the same way your wife did then shell understand she can't satisfy you and shell back off or be honest and tell you how she feels. This could be a good way to see her reaction and her facial expression when you tell her about your wife and then you can tell if she is being honest and letting you know what she likes...

    good luck :)

  • Ok well here is one question for you are you just going in for it or are you asking her if she want to do something. Just go in for it take a little control but do not be dominating.2nd When you do it is it good or bad is she into it or not. Sit down and ask her what she wants in bed to make it more interesting for her and so you can get it more often. Me and my man actually talk about what we like so when we do something we are both into it is is not just about me or him but the two of us. He used to do things the way he felt they needed to be done but after we started talking about thing our sex life got so much better.

    I know it sounds weird saying to talk to her about it but most women like when a man takes the time to find out what turn us on cause if you don't ask how do you know.

    This is why women feel communication is am important part of a relationship. Also how old is she cause it could very well be a hormone imbalance. I went through that for about 4 years, and I am only 26, and my man was lucky to get it once every 2 months. We talked about it and it made made me feel bad but their was nothing I could do I just had no desire for sex at all. I had to get medication to get me back to normal. Do not just take what she is saying probe her mind and find out what the real problem is, cause there is one. If you are not taking the time to ask her then she will feel like you do not care and that could be why she is talking about divorce and finding mr right. She could feel like after you got married that you stopped trying.

    on the faking about sex, number one most women do not get off from sex alone, this is proven. We need other stimulation, I am one of the lucky one that does not need other stimulation, but I have friends that do. It might not be that she was faking for her benefit but for yours. There may have been something not right, or she felt you would not understand and she did not want to hurt your feelings about you not doing something right. Or like I said she might not be able to get off from penetration alone and felt you would not understand that as a lot of men don't.

    If she will not sit and talk to you about this stuff then it is over, cause if she will not talk to you she has given up already. and you need to leave her before she does cause it will hurt less if you do the leaving. It will also show her that you are not going to be used as a way for her to be taken care of when she is not willing to what needs to be done to work it out or to take care of herself. But before you give up on your marriage as so many people do, try talking to her and showing her that you do care about pleasing her and that you don't want to loose her.

    • Thank you for the long and detailed answer. Unfortunately, it somewhat missed the point, probably because I didn't say enough. Sex is my problem with her, but not hers with me. She wants someone that can appreciate the poesy and high-brow literature that she writes. I'm too down-to-earth, so she is now looking for someone into that. She doesn't want to leave because of sex (or no sex). I do not want to "get her back" either; I want to move on.

What Guys Said 4

  • You, it seems, got a serious con artist, or someone damaged. It's lunatic to pretend that you like sex for two years, with a man who likes sex, only to discover after the wedding that the man still likes sex, and he expects you to continue to like it.

    Maybe the sex is a symptom of another problem, but if her way of approaching that problem is finding Mr. Right on the internet, you're probably best rid of her. Make it someone else's problem.

    How do you find out? There's no way but to f*ck a lot and see if they cheer. At some point, you just have to hold your breath and trust them. It will take you a while, but there's no way out of it; you'll have to learn to trust again. You won't even be datable until you do.

  • Sounds like you found one of those superficial me girls. That is not a big accomplishment, they are not rare. She used sex and lies to manipulate you into what she wanted, a husband. Or more specifically a source of income and an unpaid house servant. I am afraid too varying degrees that is extremely common. In fact that is part of the female training of "save it for marriage". The idea being to use the prospect of sex in order to capture a husband. I think that practice is slowly dying, but today is still quite prevalent. You are lucky it only cost you 2 years to find out where you really stood. Dump her as quickly as possible and go looking for a partner, instead of an owner. Decent girls are out there, you just need to look carefully before you commit yourself.

  • Welcome to the the real world. There are a lot of women who use apparent sexual desire to help land a spouse. I know of a number of guys who thought they had found the woman of their dreams until they got married and and sexual enthusiasm went away. Even worse, it stayed but was directed toward other people.

    People do change over time and the initial rush of sex that people experience during the first few months of a relationship tapers down to comfort level of the person who wants sex the least (because you can't have sex with the unwilling). This has the predictable result of having the more amorous partner wondering what happened? (I know some women with the same complaint).

    Best thing to do is to let her go and find someone else. Next relationship, make certain that you make your sexual needs a priority. Some people negotiate non-monogamous relationships so that they aren't stuck with this kind of problem. Others simply refuse to marry because marriage seems to the point where they suddenly forget how much they used to love sex.

    fwiw, sex less than 10 times a year is considered a sexless marriage.

  • actually you can ask. It is all in how and when you do it. When you are sure that you have a very solid relationship, bring up some questions casually and slide that one in there. It can be a conversation about lying and what happened in your previous relationships or whatever. Just let her know that honesty is important to you and your ex lied and in the end the relationship ended because of differences in beliefs. You don't have to say the specifics but let her know that you value honesty above all else. Tell her some things that you desire in a relationship and express how important being able to share intimacy, with the person you love, with is important to you. Let her know that your ex did not feel this way and in the end she decided to move on. I am sorry that you wife feels the need to rub the exit in your face, I am sure you deserve better.

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