Guys, can erections really be that unexpected, or hard to control?

Can just looking at someone you like/are attractive to really cause your friend to salute to attention without warning?

I have a mutual crush on a coworker, who I hooked up with a couple of times. We interact normally during work hours, but he recently told me that he has a literal "hard" time being around me at work sometimes. He says he feels like a kid, and it gets pretty obvious. This is without any flirting, or physical contact, just whatever is going on in his mind. Once he even called me 20 minutes after I'd left to tell me that it was still a problem, and he had to "disguise" it on his way home.

I think this is cute, and funny, but is it really like that for grown men? I'd expect if from maybe a teen, but we're both far from being teenagers.

I think I would personally be devastated, but I never noticed anything until he told me. Now I see that sometimes he smiles, and kinda rushes away, and now I wonder if it's because he's hiding something.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes and no. Usually in public the nervousness that somebody will see is enough to keep the penis from getting fully hard. Usually if a girl is turning me on in public I only get half hard. Something has to put images of making out or actual sex in my mind to get a full erection in public. Since you hooked up with the guy when he sees you now it reminds him of that so he's getting hard for you is what I think.


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What Guys Said 6

  • Guys hit puberty, and one day you're 12 or 13, and you've been looking at the girl sitting in front of you at school, and you've got a boner, and then you realize the teacher is calling your name. You suddenly realize that you've got to learn to keep these boners under control!

    And by the time you hit 16 or so, you've mostly figured out how to do that, which is to keep your bodily reactions under tight control (these also include the urge to grab and squeeze every nice ass or boob that is in your vicinity, among others). When you're first learning to do that, it isn't easy, and you have to think about it a lot, but eventually it becomes automatic, and guys spend the rest of their lives actively controlling themselves whenever they're in mixed company. We often forget we're even doing it, because it kind of happens in the background.

    We can and do let go of that control when we're in a "safe" environment, like being at home alone, or in our office at work, or any other place where a boner isn't going to be an issue. We also purposely let go of that control when we're on a date, because boners are expected, even hoped for, in that setting.

    So for the most part, surprise boners are unusual, but every once in a while, you may have relaxed your control a bit, thinking that things are "safe", and then suddenly you see or hear something that's VERY sexy or sexual that you weren't expecting, and BAM! Now you've got a tent happening that wasn't part of your plans. For most guys, these unwanted stiffies only happen when they get caught unawares, but yeah, some guys do have a problem where they can get one even when they're actively trying to control it.

    If you're dressing sexy, exposing some cleavage or have some tight pants on or a skirt showing leg or whatever it is he really likes, then, yes, it's possible.

    • well, I'm doing none of the above. I think for him it would be thinking about what we've done in the past and the promise of it happening again. The most we do is send very pg-rated flirty messages during work hours, or he'll tap me, or stand intentionally in my way. Other than that we stay poker faced. From what he's described, it's like he has random dirty flashbacks, and I guess that would be the cause.

    • Well, the mind is the biggest sex organ, so, yeah, that can happen too.

  • To be honest, it may just be something he says... meaning that he finds you hot and just wants you to know it. Its his way of saying it, is all.

    This is actually a very normal and usual way for a guy to express himself wih a woman he is a bit wild and wooly over who he also knows feels the same way about him... and yeah, he was trying to be cute and funny.

    I don't know but chances are he doesn't necessarily have "anything to hide" the times he says such things- but he's just making the point. Take it as a compliment- you are meant to.

    • I actually initially thought that, but his mannerisms, and his general blunt honesty makes me now think it's the truth. I think that you're right that he means it as a kind of compliment, and is using it to flirt, but something tells me that even if he's exaggerating there is some truth to it.

    • Well then, my dear, accept that as a REAL compliment! haha

  • When I was a kid, just the the thought of p*ssy gave me a boner (I knew what they were for from age 8, courtesy of an older girl!)

    Right through teens and into twenties, thirties and forties, it hardly slackened off.

    I discussed this with several mates who admitted that they were just the same!

    Only now, I don't get them so quickly, but still get them when there is the chance of hot p*ssy available!

  • It's true. Lol. I'm just at the point of giving up hiding it. I know it's hard, throbbing, and trying to rip out of my pants but I play it off and make it everyone else's problem.:)

  • "Can just looking at someone you like/are attractive to really cause your friend to salute to attention without warning?"

    Yes, absolutely!

    And he's not our friend...he a f***ing pain in the ass.

  • What girls fail to realize is that we get erections regardless of what's happening. Of course certain stimulation "helps" (if you want to call it that) but its like it has a set quota of erections it has to do on one day so be prepared to get erections watching paint dry...

    The only thing iv noticed that can keep it in check is social life. You don't really get boners out of the blue when you are with your friends unless your actually thinking about naughty naughty stuff. That said I can't speak for adults.

    • i realized that about mornings, but randomly during the day without reason? I would hate that! lol!

    • 0_o its just as bad as you imagine it. Being a guy sucks...

What Girls Said 3

  • I think sometimes they can't control it.

  • I think they can

  • it is amazing lol...that happened to me one time..this guy and I flirted a time I walk in, him siting down behind a desk and I walk closer to him. he kinda push down or covering something and had the biggest smile on his face.

    I am sure your guy had the same feeling and was always very excited thinking about you. like the stuff you two would do.