Girlfriend changed her mind

We've been together for 9 months now. On our 8th month anniversary she started hinting that she wanted to start having sex. Finally 3 weeks ago she starting dropping very obvious hints, and I caught on and agreed. We started planning everything. My roommates are leaving town for 3 nights and 4 days so we decided that sometime during those 3 nights would be perfect. We started looking into birth control and other forms of contraception, she even asked me to go out and buy condoms which I did. 3 nights ago she told me that she was having second thoughts. She said she doesn't want to have sex due to family reasons but she knows she is ready and wants to lose her virginity to me. I told her to take her time and when she felt ready, we would. She's still coming over for those 3 nights, but we agreed on not having sex. She also started birth control 2 nights ago "just in case" but still wants to hold off. She's fine with making out (which we started doing one month into our relationship), touching, sleeping naked together and everything else aside from penetration. I will wait for her to be ready but I have been wanting it for awhile now.

Will she probably change her mind and want sex? Or do most girls who think like this end up keeping their virginity? I just got back 3 months ago from a 4 month long work related trip, but she said that me returning had nothing to do with her decision to have sex.


Most Helpful Girl

  • She probably just needs a little more time and wants to prove to herself that it really isn't due to your extended absence and everyone is differ. I know a couple who have been together for 2 years before they had sex and are probably one of the healthiest relationships I've seen. I lost mine after dating my boyfriend for 5 days and we have an amazing relationship and are probably getting married once he finishes his deployment. Everyone and every relationship is different and she could very well change her mind again and have sex with you one of those nights. Just keep reassuring her that you'll wait and it's up to her then she'll more than likely come around to having sex.

    • This is what I am hoping is true. I have always been by her side, and have been by her even at her worst. I don't "need" to have sex with her, but I feel that it would strengthen our relationship.

    • Ok well be safe and just do as much as you are BOTH comfortable with.

What Girls Said 6

  • Well it is a big decision, but know that birth control takes a full month to take full effect. I always used condoms regardless since you HAVE to take it at THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY or the effectiveness goes down. The chance of it preventing pregnancy is only 92% with regular usage.

    • We researched it and found that after a week it is still effective. We still had planned on using a condom and not finishing in her as well. At least not until the birth control reaches it's full strength

    • Actually I have done several research papers on teenage sexuality and the consensus is that birth control takes at least a full menstrual cycle for complete effect. However would the birthcontrol makers make money if people thought it took a week or a month?

    • I just personally had a miscarriage at 19 due to not taking my pill at the same time everyday and the condom slipping off. I just prefer people to not have to go through that if possible. And I had been on BC for tow years at that point.

  • well just let her be totally comfortable with it.

  • well even if she wanted to she needs to way longer than that for BC to work. she should read about it more and follow the instructions.

  • With birth control you need to be on it for a couple weeks before it works properly anyway. Since she's a virgin there can be a lot of uncertainty and hesitation for your first time. Its nerve racking knowing the consequences sex can have (ie pregnancy, std's). give her some time, What may even be best is to sit down and discuss it together, tell her how you feel but more importantly ask her how she feels. Communication is KEY!

    • We've done that multiple times. She says she wants to and is certain, but is scared of what her family will think of her if they find out.

    • Been there done that! Once you do it you can't go back in time if you regret it! Honestly it's better to wait then to go ahead and do it! If you have ANY doubt then it can sometimes make it less fun!

    • Thank you, I am going to let things go at her pace.

  • she could, but either way you just have to respect what she decides


What Guys Said 2

  • Usually "I won't do it" does turn into "I did it!" but it depends on the person. How strong is her will and how often does she go back on her word? If never, then you can count it out, if always then you can bank on it, and if 50/50 I wouldn't surprised.

    • Her will power is iffy, but strong when it comes to family. She does sometimes go back on her word but tries not to.

    • Then you may or may not have sex depending on the mood, the timing, her feelings, her hormones, and her stress levels.

  • If she says she's ready for it. She really isn't. She's a virgin, man...she's terrified and doesn't know how to tell you. The only thing you can do is make sure she knows you will take care of her and that you'll be in it for the long run (remember, girls get more attached to the guys they f*** than men do). I wouldn't go off proposing or whatever, butttt let her know that you're not just in it for the sex (verbally or non-verbally) which ever you prefer