My ex fiancé purposed in May , had been dating long distance for a year. I moved out of state (to live with him) with 2 kids in June, gave up house, job, family to be with him. The kids and I were there for 4 weeks. My youngest and his oldest did not get a long at all. The kids are: mine 11 (g) 10... Show More
Why does he tell me he loves me but does not want me?
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What Girls Said
Woah! Slow down!
It appears to me from your post that there are 2 major issues going on here. First and foremost... you have issues with your new beau's ex. Ok... NEVER... EVER... belittle the ex. It puts down your partner and his life choices. Petty crap like that is immature... so axe that behaviour right away if you want him in your life... because guess what the ex is in your b/f's!
Part 2 - it appears you are blaming the kids for the problems. Again, another MAJOR no-no. I hope that isn't pervasive or something you have expressed to your children. The sad reality is ... your children are just that children. You are the adult. If they are acting out you are the responsible parent. YOU introduced them to a male father figure; YOU moved them away from their life; and YOU chose to chase an ideal 300 miles away.
It sounds to me like the boyfriend is overwhelmed... overwhelmed with the responsibility of being a new father of some non-well adjusted kids... and overwhelmed by your actions. You sound quite co-dependent. I mean... as a mother... who uproots their kids to go live with a guy... without pre-planning a job, a place to live, etc.?
If you really want this to work. Move out immediately. Get yourself together as a responsible parent... one who isn't shuffling their kids around the country after a guy. Step up to the plate... get a job, a house and some roots... and once you demonstrate your independence to your ex beau he will see that your neediness is no longer an issue.
wow. from experience I'm going to tell you when a man says he's not ready for a relationship esp when he still has issues from a past one, accept it. don't get back together just because its easier now that youve given up so much to be with him. he's kind of late telling you this but waiting for him to sort it all out is much better than than trying to force the relationship. the two of you have big issues of your own to deal with once he's fixed his custody situation and that is blending your families. go slow and make sure you have other options next time since he may be too quick to give up.