I don't want to be a loser anymore.

I notice a lot of people either ignoring my questions or leaving sarcastic answers. Sometimes I write essays to people and I try to be as helpful as possible, especially with sensitive matters. All I want is some serious advice...

How can I make friends when I have absolutely none (that's right, not one), and start dating girls and being confident/playful/sexual with them when I have no experience? How do I prevent girls from flaking out on me after the 1st or 2nd contact, or thinking "what a loser" as soon as they walk away from me?

If I sound like a weirdo, or desperate, forgive me; I'm not trying to be. If you were to meet me, you'd probably think I'm a normal person, albeit reserved.

Thanks for any serious answers; I'd really appreciate it.

I get it. I help out people and I get nothing, or insulted. Should I just leave this site? I'm seriously considering it...it wouldn't be anybody's loss I suppose.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've gotten some good answers from some good people, and that means a lot to me. I was pretty down in the dumps when I wrote this question, but you probably can't tell that, lol. May this new year be the very best...
...for all of you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you are asking the right question to find the answer you are looking for. A little something I learned from the movie "I, Robot"

    To be taken seriously, I think you have to show that you are serious. When you believe something it comes through in how you present yourself. Your attitude and swagger comes from within.

    Everyone feels comfortable around someone who is comfortable with themselves. So if you are not comfortable already, become familiar with yourself. If you are then I think you should show it more often.

    Take more chances. In the movie "Yes Man", Jim Carey says yes to any activity no matter how strange or dangerous it may have seemed and he learned more about himself and his capabilities. He pushed the limits of what he thought he could handle. =)

    I don't think you can prevent girls from flaking on you. If someone doesn't want to be around you then don't keep that unpleasant company. When someone wants to be around you, then its good company.

    I don't think you're weird or desperate. I think you realized that it time to change and I have total respect for that. I hope I said something that could possibly help. =)


What Girls Said 14

  • find groups of people with similar interests as you. I mean, if trekkies can make friends then no matter what your interests are, you should be able to. no offense to trekkies, I loved the newest star trek movie =)

  • I can kinda sympathise!

    People keep giving similar advise, which doesn't always work - like trying to get a hobby and make friends from perusing it. It doesn't always work like that. Not that I have been in many clubs (as in activity clubs not night clubs...) or groups etc. but regardless of this, it doesn't change the fact that I'm not good at making friends in general! But it's the same with the internet too, I've been on forums and chat rooms - even what I say gets at the times ignored.

    I read somewhere about how "life keeps moving on while your trapped behind glass, watching it pass you by" that exactly how I feel about 95% of the time, whatever I do, I can't fit in at all... and often not through fault of my own... or at least not completely.

    Stay on the site, it's not brilliant and half the answers are ineffective... but persevere, even if the questions are unimportant ones that are answered, it gives a good feel of what others can be like and how they think. Which may prove useful, at some point.

    People don't really need experience of how to get along with someone or anything, for the most part it happens naturally, you just need to find the right person. It's not uncommon for a person to be in the wrong culture of their personality either... what you like and think may be accepted elsewhere in the world more easily than where you are now.

    Oh and if you reply to me, and I don't reply that quick, that would be because this site is being stupid and isn't letting me comment on answers and vote my opinion so bare with me.

    • "But it's the same with the internet too, I've been on forums and chat rooms - even what I say gets at the times ignored." - Screw that. I'm adding you as a friend.

  • it takes confindence and that's something you are going to have to work on. Be yourself and be proud of who you are.. if people don't like you for that, then don't they are not worth having as friends. Join a club or a sport in your area, or something that gets you out in the public, socializing. hold your head up high and simply be yourself.

  • im so sorry to hear that. I am new to this an I will be glad to help you with any advice I can.

    Some people are just ignorant. Don't let it get to you : )

  • aww pooor baby :(

  • aw.. watch some movies, it might help with awkwardness

  • You can always talk to Jesus :)

  • making friends is hard for some people, easy for others, right now I only have a couple close friends, because I lost touch with most of my others because I took a break from college, finding good friends is hard. I have had many friends over the years none were really permanent because people change and that's okay. any good friend ship starts with you joking around with them like crazy and having stuff in common. right now I talk to people on line for social stimulation, there is this great site called interpals you can talk to people all over the world on there.

    sometimes people might not answer your questions because they are difficult and they don't know what to say. don't leave the site just because of a few bad experiences I have had mostly positive experiences, people are nice here just try to think positive and you will attract more positive.(sorry if that sounds cliche) feel free to message me if you want more advice.

    ps don't feel like a loser plenty of people have trouble socially.

  • honestly, people think what they think. no one can change that except you. the best way to make friends for me (I have from schools alot) is just to be friendly and to be yourself. being yourself is sometimes hard to do but it really works!

    as for being flirty, don't try too hard. we can see right through that. just be nice and ask about her. we love to talk about ourselves :) and maybe you'll find something in common!

  • If your working you should try talking to your work mates more, build up their trust and you guys might start hanging out together. You could also pick up a hobby or volunteer at a charity if you have the time, you never know who you could meet and you are helping others :)

  • im sorry :(. I am new to this and I have the same problem. add me and I will help as much as I can :)

  • im so sorry, I know people can be cruel! try and open yourself up to activities such as student government or a club sport. this is an awesome way to meet people. don't be afraid to put yourself out there I'm sure people would love you! you seem like you have a lot of confidence by opening up on this site. try and transfer that confidence over to real life situations.

    i hope this helped! good luck :)

    p.s. don't leave the site! we need some good guys out there to answer our stupid girl problems haha

    • Haha, thanks for such a positive answer! Perhaps I'll stick around and help out with a few more stupid girl problems : P

    • I find it hard that you can't make friends... you seem so nice and with that comment it sounds like you have a personality! don't be afaid to open up to people... not everyones cruel :)

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What Guys Said 7

  • Get involved with some hobbies and activities that you enjoy. That is a good way to enjoy yourself and make friends.

  • there is a book called the assholes guide to handleing women. it helped me alot. its all about confidense and pretending.

    Plus I'm sure ur not a loser, you just need to find ur group you fit in with and once you do, ull find girls with the same interest and fit in more.

  • If you are "that super nice guy that's always available STOP!) Don't put yourself in the "friend zone". If your attracted to a girl let her know, in a respectable manner of course. You say you have no friends? Ask yourself why? Be honest with yourself. It can be incredibly hard at times. Once you have identified the problem begin to change any negative qualities you might have.

    • Thanks Beastmode, this is helpful. No, I know about "nice guy" syndrome and I actively try to avoid it, but I really don't know how. I don't know how to be super witty, etc., and provocative things to say don't just pop into my head. I have a hard time calling people on the phone/calling them back when they call me.

  • Just stop being so self conscious. If you are nervous, people don't notice it as much as you think they do. Just chat it up with people. Before you know it you will be into the swing of things. Think, take stuff one day at a time, and just be a nice guy.

  • First be serious in your own life and achievement. In the course of your building your career process you can have affairs as walk in gesture of happiness. I am a man in fourty. have surpassed many broken relationship. finally I met my destiny. I am happy now.

  • I would give you a bunch of advice but instead a friend of mine named Christian Hudson put out a completely free video that I think will help you out immensely.


    I'm a big fan of his work in this area and hopefully the video will be very enlightening.

    • Cool man, thanks. The video seems very informative and I'll go over it again in more detail.

    • But I might add, I have trouble even starting the interactions, I'm so awkward...

  • Do you have a hobby? I used my hobby to make friends. I played a lot of basketball at the gym and soon enough the regulars became my friends.