Will he get back together with me?
I was with my boyfriend for six years and eight months ago I broke up with him. In hindsight I did it on impulse, because he'd lied to me, but it wasn't something we couldn't have discussed if I'd waited for the dust to settle before deciding. The first three months I went numb, I didn't feel anything properly, I don't even really remember those months now. He asked me back during this time and although it's what I really wanted I stupidly found myself saying I needed time. What I actually said was 'It's too soon' and he took that to mean to be friends.
Over the next couple of months I realized I missed him and still loved him terribly and put into place a number of things that would prove to him how I felt rather than just saying I'm sorry. When I told him just over two months ago, I discovered he'd been seeing someone for two months (so now just over four). He didn't tell me though, someone else did.
I know when I told him, it took him a while to believe that I wasn't just acting in reaction to his being with someone. Although he agrees that I acted in panic, he does believe me. I also need to write off the first month as he completely had his head in the sand. Although we'd always been in touch, the level of contact has increased since I've told him how I feel. He texts constantly. Some of them are about 'us', most of them are just random day to day stuff we always would have chatted about and some are also incredibly sexual. He also calls round, just to 'hang out'. I know she doesn't know where he is.
Over the last month he has told me he is still in love with me, that everything within him knows he wants to be with me, that he doesn't feel safe without me, that anyone else is just settling, that he's petrified of my hurting him again, that she had given him hope he could move on, that he thinks about me everyday and it's getting stronger, that when I told him his feelings for her changed, that she's being funny with him at the minute because it's obvious that he doesn't feel the same toward her, that he feels trapped in the relationship. Only he's told me that he is feeling under so much pressure, I would never have known. He's so casual when we hang out. He repeatedly says he just wants us to hang out without the pressure of having to talk about 'us'.
I never mention her or am naive enough to think they don't get on, but why tell me all those things if he's not going to do anything about it? He says he's a mess, that he's so stressed it physically hurts. I do he doesn't want to hurt anyone but he can't see he's hurting everyone. I think either his fear of being hurt again or hurting someone has left him paralyzed or he's not entirely hearing what he's saying to me. Do I take it that he wants to be with me and is struggling with hurting her and do the 'friend' thing until he decides even though it kills me? Or do I assume that if his actions don't match his words he does't mean them? I am actually going crazy over this.
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