Got married too fast, and now I'm concerned! Advice really needed..

Let me start off by saying that I love my husband with all of my heart, and there isn't a doubt in my mind that he's the right person for me. My concerns are stemming from the fact that the added pressure from being married is sending us on a tailspin, and I'm just not sure how to fix it!

I haven't even known my husband for a year. We met at the very beginning of March, and we were married at the end of June. I became pregnant at the beginning of June, and due to my health insurance not covering maternity we got married. We already knew that we were in love. We already knew we wanted to be together long term, and it didn't seem forced/rushed at that time. It just made sense. Yes, planning a big wedding would've been what I wanted, but that wasn't going to happen with a bun in the oven. We found out that we were going to miscarry 3 days before getting married, and we still decided that's what we wanted to do.

Fast forward 5 months, and I'm freaking out! We found out about 2 weeks ago that I'm pregnant again (we were trying), but I'm so overwhelmed this time around. It seems to me that all of the responsibilities in our relationship fall in my lap, and I'm starting to resent it. If we would've had a longer transition period from dating to marriage I wouldn't be bothered at all... the things that I do are what a wife SHOULD do, but a girlfriend of 9 months would never be expected to do the things that I do.

I do ALL of the parenting to my 3.5 year old stepson (enrolled him in school, get him ready in the morning, drop him off, pick him up, make all of his meals, bathe him, teach him, discipline him, play with him, read to him, clean up after him... EVERYTHING). My husband works a lot, but that doesn't mean I should be the one left to parent his child completely. I do all of the cleaning. I do all of the laundry. I'm the only one who cooks, or packs my husbands lunches, or pays the bills, or gets anything done at all!

I also am a small business owner, and trying to manage EVERYTHING else that I have to do and work is next to impossible.

What can I do? How can I go back to the giddy feeling that I had when I'd see my husband before instead of being constantly frustrated. Plus, being pregnant again... I don't know how I'm possibly going to manage a new baby on top of everything else!

Somebody please talk to me, or give me some words of strength/encouragement. I just need some darn help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • "I just need some darn help" <-- You already know what you need ^_^

    Simply put, to me it sounds like you have been waiting a long time to get the old affection you guys had together. I don't know much about marriage, kids, or managing a business.. But, I think we're all human and could use a little fun. To me, it gives me a reason to deal with all the overwhelming aspects of life, it's kinda like my man-cave.. Having my girlfriend laugh and smile with me. It just makes me feel good ya know?

    Anyways, all you'd have to do for the above is to fill him in. Something like this is encourage because it avoids pointing blame or disregarding the other person :)

    "John, I could really use you right now. This week has gotten to me and I just need my husband."

    Keep in mind that you start with saying a one-liner to find out if he has the time "right now" - he may have to take care of something immediately important like work. Allowing you to maintain your patience for when he can give you some help. Once he identifies that he's willing to help, tell hiim what you need from him (e.g. "Just a weekend away from everything" or "Remember that date in high school.. something like that babe! I just wanna spend time with you".. etc)

    The truth is that you won't always have people around to take care of these duties. And what doesn't kill you does make you stronger. Before I go any further, please keep in mind that if you feel you cannot bear the duty, then do ask for help otherwise it will consume you and hurt the relationship. But if you can struggle through the duty/responsibility, then try to find a way to recharge your spirits without resorting to stupid sh*t like alcohol or drugs. Something positive like art or hiking, or someone like your husband, maybe even a Friday-night with your friends! But over time it will be easier to deal with, especially if you can carry the burden solo and recharge your spirits properly.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

    • Report

      Great advice. I really appreciate you taking the time for such an in depth response! I like the advice of making mention when there's a rough week, and phrasing it the way you suggested. I'm definitely one to keep everything bottled up because I don't wanna feel like I'm bitching every day, but then it results in me feeling the way I do now ---- Completely taken for granted and burnt out! I think I do need some help for sure, but the sticky part will be determining where he can pick up the slack!

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      Well, your very welcome and I appreciate the feedback :) One more thing to note is that when I feel overwhelmed I try not to push duties/etc off on my partner.. Who knows if she is overwhelmed, and if she were, it might make her feel even more burnt out / unappreciated / etc.. So I try instead to reach out to friends / relatives / co-workers / etc.. And when I have my spirits lifted, I try to keep an eye out for how / when I can repay the favors, that way I keep good networking ethics :)