Is my now ex-boyfriend being selfish about our break up or is it just me?

My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me a few nights ago (we dated for 7 1/2 months). He said it's because of bad timing and he doesn't know if a long distance relationship is something he wants. But we go to school together and are from the same area back home. He did this because he graduates in December and with his career he's going into, his future will be unpredictable and he doesn't know whether he will find a career far away from home or if he will find one at home. Since he doesn't know that, he says he feels it's morally wrong to drag me into it. He also said that he's afraid of growing up and you get into a long term relationship when you fully grow up. He wants to settle with his future before thinking about it.

He keeps promising me he definitely won't be in another relationship or talking to anybody for a very very long time. He isn't interested in anybody else but me and also told me that's the truth and to not overthink it. He says it will be a long time before his feelings for me go away. He also says he still wants me as my best friend and to be around him and his friends all the time. He says there's no way he's leaving everything we had and just leaving me behind. He said everything we had will still be there, except the romantic parts. He still wants to go to a festival with me next month like we had planned. He also keeps telling me that I have done nothing wrong and there were no "internal problems" with our relationship. He was hesitant about asking me out and he said he was taking a risk and it was fantastic while we dated and that his year went by a lot better. He said if he never met me, he wouldn't have been in a relationship. He also said if he does find a career nearby, he does want to open up the possibility of us getting back together and it's good if he still wants me around

All my friends say they sort of understand what he's doing they think he's being really selfish and being inconsiderate of my feelings. What do you all think?
He also said he hasn't really told his friends yet because he knows there won't be good outcomes from it and he admits he feels guilty and awful for breaking up with me and wishes he didn't have to.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he's full of shit.

    Either he wants to be with you or not. If you're my girl and there's nothing wrong with you then I'm fucking staying with you. Found a new job somewhere else? I'll take you with me. You still have to finish school? I'll let you finish then take you with me.

    There was a time I was against long distance but I suppose that depends on the type of girl I'm dealing with. If she likes to party, have fun, flirt... then obviously that's the type that I need to leave behind.

    But yeah, it sounds like he's stringing you along. Maybe he's expecting to find greener pastures somewhere else if he moves. That sounds more realistic.

    Now I don't want to be unreasonable... MAYBE he does feel that way. Maybe, but I highly doubt it. You can give him the benefit of the doubt but don't put too much stock into it. Have your guard up.

    • You make a very good point on how you said if there was nothing wrong with me then he should keep me around. I agree, not just for my sake. I feel like if he had true feelings like me like he claimed he did, then he would find a way to work things out if he were to move away. He said I wasn't like other girls who would go out and party all the time and he really liked that.

      I mean since last Thursday night we broke up, I had to see him at work two days later. Sunday and last night he asked to see me (Sunday he asked to talk with him about things again after we had to go to some retreat for something at our school). We talked all day yesterday like we were still dating. He says he'll give me space but he's not really giving it to me.

    • Yeah. He's just an insecure person that doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

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