If you've ever been in an abusive relationship and hear your ex has a new partner, do you get the urge to inform their new partner of their abuse?

I did this with my ex who cheated on me; I told her he was just using her for sex as a rebound and indeed he was. He left her within a week after he'd slept with her.

I haven't felt the need with my abusive ex because he hasn't had a girlfriend since me but I'm pretty sure I would. I did worry about it not long after leaving him. I really didn't want another girl to get as fucked up and heart broken as I did.

If you have told your ex's new partner, what happened and how did they take it? Did they not believe you or consider what you were saying?

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
  • I've followed through with the urge and told my ex's new partner (Explain)
    Vote C
  • I let their new partner find out for themselves.
    Vote D
  • See answers.
    Vote E
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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This is a generic question guys. I'm not asking for advice on whether I should or not. I'm not interested in anything to do with my ex.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I disagree with "Anonymous"
    I can somehow understand where she is coming from, but if I was in an abusive relationship and my ex gotten a new girlfriend. I would want to "warn" her, not necessarly going into depth about our relationship, but mention it. Its up to her what she does with the information, if she doesn't believe it, thats fine but at least she will respond much quicker to "signs". Abusive people don't change their life around that fast.

    I had a friend who was in an abusive relationship, basically everything was her fault it was never his... It never got physical that he directly hit her, but his temper one day did get my friend a wound

    • I'd personally just warn them. My friend was with my ex before I was with him. She knew he was abusive and she also debated whether to tell me but she decided not too. It's clearly a common thought.

    • At the same time what do we define as abusive here? I think it's only OK if its a mental abuse (to mental weaken the girl/ make her depended of him/ break contact with her friends etc.) or physical abuse.
      But I wouldn't be stalking my ex to figure out who is the new girl he is dating, if I happen to know (e.g. my friends told me, I still see him in my neighborhood/ someone my friends know) than its different I suppose

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I leave it be. It is the healthy choice to let others make their own choices and mistakes. It is unhealthy to hold onto the past and to use your resources to warn others.


What Girls Said 4

  • I don't tell them because it is none of my business. By informing them it could come across that I'm jealous and still care about him when that isn't the case. I just hope for the best for the girl.

  • Well I been in a relationship like that. But I wouldn't tell becuase it not like the girl going to believe me I woulnt go out of my way plus I wouldn't want nothing to do with my ex or any of the girls henseeing sure it an thought but I feel we girls and guys get reg flag and are instants kick in.so we feel something off we do. It up to them now my ex is not my problem and to me I know he not goinf to change I learned a hard lesson I wish I saw it sooner as I was told by fam and friends but just kept belivin in him. So it best to stay away be happy your not their dont go looking for trouble at all. Cuz then hell be back in your life ready to get you do you really want that?

  • I agree with anonymous. It will be highly creppy of you to figure out who he is seeing through out his life then inform them. That would make you look like that crazy ex.

  • I'd say it's none of your freakin business and what if he changes his life around before he tries again with another woman? Mind your own business! How would you feel if your ex tried to sabotage your new relationship by telling your BF something about you, that was no business of his to tell? That's so petty of you. . . Just be concerned about your own well being and let him be concerned about his.

    • This is a generic question, meaning it's not affecting me right now so there's no need to get catty.
      It's pretty rare for abusive partners to turn their life around; you can't change your personality.
      It wouldn't be sabotage, it'd be protecting their new partner from pain. I wouldn't care if my ex tried to sabotage mine because he wouldn't be able to because I was never abusive so there's no problem.

    • Show All
    • I never said it was abuse?

    • So you felt that him wronging you by cheating, gave you the right to interefere with his life after you broke up? I don't.