My ex and I have decided to make contact after a while. Should I contact him first?

He broke up with me after two months, after he did a complete turn around in his feelings for me--this after a genuine expression of our romantic feelings for one another. Soon after that he said he didn't feel 'that way' for me anymore.

He suffered the loss of a favorite uncle to suicide as child and went through a horrible divorce.

My therapist feels this impacts his ability to have relationships. She thinks his past causes him to fear intimacy and commitment, because love and loss are directly connected in his mind.

He almost started crying at the end of the date, after he broke up with me. He said he did not want to end all contact right then, that he wanted to keep in touch and give a call sometime. I said ok, we could be in touch.

He did NOT ask to be 'friends' (aka friends with benefits) and he hasn't called me to be 'friends' if you know what I mean. I believe he wants to have contact after a time for both of us to get centered.

I miss him terribly. I'm trying to move on and distract myself and date others, but he is special. And I know he feels the same about me, he has said as much.

I know what "the rules" say about no contact ever, but we have already decided to be in touch. Not sure what it will lead to, friends or getting back together. I don't care. I just want him in my life because of wonderful person he is.

So first off, any ideas as to why his feelings changed, why he broke up with me, and why he wants to stay in touch?

How long should I wait before contacting him, or should I let HIM contact me first?

It's been a month since the break up. His birthday is coming up in about 6 weeks. Should I text him then?

I am afraid if I wait too long, I may lose him.
We have not been in touch since the night of the break up. Any conversation I refer to above happened before the break up, most of it on the day of the break up.
Do you girls and guys think his sudden change in feelings for me has to do with fear of intimacy and commitment stemming from his past i.e. he is scared of getting too close and then hurt?

Lots to think about here. Thanks for considering it!!!


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  • I don't understand, you've already been in touch you say and decided to get in touch? And you're asking if you should reach out first? If you're already in touch then why should one of you need to reach out? You're already talking?

    • Sorry if I confused you. See update above.

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