Please help! What is the best thing to say (for both him and me) after he told me he's trying again with his Ex? I still do really care about him.?

I met a guy at the end of last year who is military special forces. We spent a little time together, talked on the phone almost every day, and we spent a weekend together before he was deployed in Dec. Despite the short time, I really felt a strong connection to him and I think it was mutual. We planned to see each other again when he got home. While he's been out of the country we have been emailing back and forth and I sent several packages/cards. He always appreciated whatever I sent him (email or package) and my motivation was purely selfless...just to make his day a little better. Yesterday he emailed me to tell me that he ran into his ex-girlfriend (also in the military) while he was deployed and it turns out they are getting stationed at the same base. She wants to try again and he feels it's too much of a coincidence not to try. I understand that, and while it sucks for me, in the end, I just want him to be happy.

He is also being stationed in a different area when he gets home. He said it makes a little more sense to try with his ex because she is right there--almost like he's trying to justify it (which he doesn't have to do). He admitted how amazing, sweet and supportive I've been, that he will probably regret it, but the distance is too much. While I understand that, I have never believed that distance is a barrier-but I also know that is not something I should try to change his mind about at this time.

How much do I tell him about what I feel to give myself closure, but still let him know that I wish him the best, and that I truly hope he's happy? Can I let him know I think his ex is a lucky girl? Do I ask him to email me some time just to let me know he's ok? I want him to know that despite how hard this is for me, I appreciate his honesty and that he's taught me about the type of guy I'm looking for.

This is really hard for me, so I'm trying to find a way that will bring me closure/peace of mind, but also fully support him in his decision.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Just tell him what you told us :-)

    • I was just going to tell him that I appreciate his honesty and it's a bummer for me because I was really looking forward to getting to know him better. That she is a lucky girl, and that I truly hope he's happy. Let him know some things I really liked about him and that he is an amazing guy. Tell him to email me some time to let me know how things are. And then let him know that I'm so glad I was able to make him smile and that I now know what I'm looking for in a guy. Is that too selfish or too emotional for the short time we spent together? I don't really expect a response.

    • Don't say too much. It might come across as needy.

      Why not something like: "Good luck. Though I hope it doesn't work for our sake :-) Do stay in touch eitherway, and I'll like to keep in touch all the same."

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