If he is ending our relationship, why did he add that he will probably regret it?

I was dating a guy for a few months long distance. I felt like we really connected and I know we both had a great time whenever we were together. We emailed, text and talked on the phone when we weren't together. A few nights ago he told me that his ex girlfriend (gone for 2 1/2 years) unexpectedly moved back to his home town and she wants to try again. Not only does he feel like distance is hard, but also that it's just too much of coincidence not to try again with her. And I understand that...they have years of history together and she is close by now. But when he told me, he didn't just say that he's getting back with his ex, he told me that I have been really great and sweet and that he will probably regret it later, but the distance is too much.

Why add the "I'll probably regret it later"? What was the purpose of saying that? He could have just as easily said that he is trying again with his ex, and he doesn't want to do a long distance relationship.

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  • He's basically saying that you're probably more compatible than his ex and doesn't really know. He has conflicting emotions right now and doesn't know what he wants.
    He is infinitely tantalized by the distance and the fact that she moved back is bringing many lost emotions and memories back and he never really had any problems with her; she just moved away, so it wasn't possible for them.
    Mind you, i don't like casual dating, when i start, i don't stop until there's a ditch in the middle of the road or i'm dead. I can't move from girl to girl. I get too emotionally attached to let myself, but you guys are probably pros at this. Either way, he doesn't know what's going to happen and he's diving head first into a pond. He's either gonna hit rock bottom or meet a freaking mermaid down there. We don't know, but all I can say is that unless you move in, he's gonna stick with who's close if you're wanting him back.
    I say this because someone's ex moving close by is a terrible reason to have to break up. Terrible.
    But hey, it's cool. I don't think he was all that great for breaking up this way anyway. :)

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    • Thanks for the insight! Do I want him back, yes, but more than that, I want him to be happy. When I met him, he assumed all women were going to be great at first and then just leave him later...he said loyalty was so important to him. He's military and he is afraid a woman is just going to cheat on him when he's deployed. We didn't know each other long, but I tried my best to show him that distance and deployment didn't matter to me, I would support him and be there no matter what. We didn't talk about his ex's but I know he dated this one for 4 years (throughout deployments) and then when he got 2 years on a home assignment they broke up. Now it seems she moved back to where he is stationed, wanted to get back together and convinced him to try. I'm afraid he's going to end up getting hurt.

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    • Thanks again for all your help! I'm going to wait a little bit, let things settle before I say anything to him. It certainly felt pretty final to me and like he may not care if he hears from me. But that could be my emotions. Ironically, the day before he broke it off, I sent him a little package of his favorite snacks and a silly card cause work had been hard lately. It hasn't gotten there yet because of weather delays.

    • Aww! XD That's awesome. He's probably gonna regret it later. :)

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What Guys Said 18

  • He's a fucking arsehole leaving you for his ex. He's trying to make you feel bad so that you don't run off dating another guy.

    Effectively he's keeping tabs with you. If it doesn't work with his ex or anybody else, he'll ask for you back.

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    • I think you might be right! Disregard my answer, this one is perfect! Don't get back with a guy who has you as a second choice girl.

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    • So why is he going back to his ex then?

      Because, although he says he has feelings for you, he simply doesn't... I've been in his situation before, and I usually go back with an ex if I haven't got feelings with my current GF...

      What tells you he wasn't texting his ex all the time when he was with you? ... because he was.

    • You were saying it was your friend's story, I could tell it was your own story lol.

  • long distance never work. it just hard to be in a relationship with someone you cannot see for one month straight let alone if it was a year.
    he may have said that just to ease the breakup or to keep you as an option or because he really mean it. it all depends on body language to know.

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    • Thanks. As commented on another post, he's join to have to make a LDR work if he ever wants to be with someone. He's military and deployed 6-9 months at a time.

  • My brain tells me you are the best for me - this could really work if I try hard enough

    My hedonistic side is not ready to put on the harness yet, I selfishly want to explore many others "out there".

    My brain tells me that I won't find anyone as good and will regret this idea, but it won't win this debate.

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  • He's trying to emphasize his feelings for you.

    .and maybe fishing to see if you'll offer to wait for him at least for a little while!

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    • I didn't tell him I'd wait for him. But I did say I wish him luck, she's a lucky girl and I hope things work out. Told I want him to be happy (yes, that sounds cliche). And I told him to text me some time. I don't really expect a response.

  • For some reason the other girl is his ex. Said that he probably knows is stupid to try again with her but still wants to, he liked the relationship with you as it was so when the problems with her ex arrive he will regret it.
    Any way you should feel good, you were great with him but if he wants some thing closer in distance and is idiotic enough to repeat the mistakes oh the past agin, its his choice.
    DonĀ“t think too much about it, it was the distance what he couldn't stand, you'll find someone better and closer to you.

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    • Thanks! Well then he's going to have to figure out how to deal with distance. When I met him he was finishing his 2 year graduate degree so he was relatively in one city. He's an Army Ranger and about to go into a cycle of deployments up to 9 months. He's going to have to deal with distance with anyone he dates! It doesn't matter what state either of us live in--when he's overseas, it's long distance.

  • You do not know what you have until you no longer have it! Relationships require work and if he is not willing to put forth the effort then he is not good enough for you anyway love! Life is filled with pain that helps us grow! Be open minded and free spirited and enjoy life's journey!

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  • He will miss you on one end due to long distance
    but if he can just say hell with it, move on
    with his ex-girlfriend than he is not worth it
    you need to come to your senses, realize too
    this guy does not know what he wants in life
    you need to find yourself real love with a real man
    you got stop living a fairy tale with this guy i'm
    sure you and him has some hot times online but he
    is holding a candle for his ex-girlfriend, he might
    regret that he even went back to her.

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  • it's a gentle break up more or less. perhaps a part of him knows that getting back with his ex might not be the best idea but they have history and it's not long distance

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  • It's the distance. I have done a long distance relationship before. As much as I loved her, it was too much. Women are emotional and physical. Men are visual and physical. When I can't touch the woman I feel for, it makes a difference.

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  • Sometimes, relationships just stop working. But not every breakup is an easy one.

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  • It's just a self "I told you so" so he'll be right if it works or doesn't.

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  • Everyone says that live for yourself instead of putting your life into another guys hand. Put yuour life in Gods hand!

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    • Free will free will free will. We are allowed to do what we want on this earth.

  • To keep you as an option. It's a trick all guys use sweetheart

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  • He most likely understand that you're a great woman but he is facing a difficult situation.

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  • Two things, he's practical... And his ex is back!

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  • he cares for you but the stupid ex came back :(

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  • I used to be a bit of an arse with girls and play them along. This was a signature move. For your own good don't fall for it. I know the pain hurts and that's what us guys what you to feel. We want to play you so if the main climax doesn't work, you'll be the rebound. DON'T BE NOBODIES REBOUND. No girl deserves to be that. This is coming from a guy who regrets doing this stuff in his past. Move on, take each day by day and use the NC rule.

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  • Mixed feelings.

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What Girls Said 27

  • He sounds awful. Yes distance may be hard to maintain but if he is breaking up with you because of that why does he have to make it even harder by bringing his ex into the mix. He did not have to tell you that. Also him saying 'I'll probably regret it later' is him basically trying to stroke his ego and make himself feel like a better person as that way he is also complimenting you whilst breaking up with you, by doing that he'll think that what he has done is not as bad.

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  • he is still in love with his ex [hence automatically jumps at the opportunity to be with her]yet he knows it won't work out , just like it didn't last time. then afterwards when they break up he will be single you may have found someone else or not want him, and it would have been all for nothing, hence that he will probably regret it

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  • I think he was just trying to soften the blow by saying something "nice" that ends up just really being confusing. He didn't mean it really just didn't want to say he prefers his ex over you for whatever reason (the distance, etc). Sorry I've heard this a few times too :(

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  • To be blunt, I reckon he thinks you're good for him (hence the regret long term), but that he can't wait and find that out. He's probably caught up in the initial sparks of reigniting things with his ex - it's exciting but he knows that ended for a reason after the intense sex with her has subsided he'll probably want you back.

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  • He is referring to regretting breaking up with you later (will regret it in the future), but is going to go out with his ex anyway. I think he said it to be nice and make the breakup less painful and to show that he wasn't using you and that he did feel something for you but is now going to be with his ex. Distance is hard, I know from lots of my friend's experiences and I understand how having a girlfriend that is with him is much better than someone far away.

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  • because he knows you are a good catch and probably likes you as well as his ex, but like you said distance could pose problems, unfortunately.
    And, surely he will regret it, because he is getting back with an EX, which means things will be on shaky ground, and possiblities to break up between the two are possible. And of course you won't be there anymore.
    Basically he knows he is leaving something good.

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  • What tells him that she will get back with him? Did she tell him that? What if she moved back for other reasons? My advice to you, do not contact him at all. Move on with your life and find someone better than him. You deserve better than this flaky guy. He will probably wonder why you are not contacting him, begging him to take you back. Things might no work out as he expects. If the ex doesn't want him back, you'll have the last laugh.

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    • Good thought and I wish that were true, but he said she's actually the one that wants him back and he thinks he should at least try given their past together. It would be nice if he were wondering why I'm not contacting him.

    • >> It would be nice if he were wondering why I'm not contacting him.<<

      He will, hun, he will. Especially if things don't work out his way. That's why you do NOT contact him. Even if she's the one to want him back, it doesn't mean that this will work out. Remember the saying; "Going back to your ex is like taking a shower and then putting your dirty underwear back on."

  • I may be thinking wrongly, but I think he means that things aren't working out because of distance. He doesn't want to deal with it and even though he may like you more than his ex, he's willing to settle for less because of this distance being too much. That or he's full of s***.

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  • He said it because you are a wonderful person.
    Some people add remarks like that once when drop a bomb like that and they see that the person might become distraught and to prevent any more heartache, they add a positive ending to the conversation.
    I don't buy the whole ex girlfriend thing. You're long distance, so you can't hear or see what he's doing from your end. I think that he was talking to the both of you at the same time. I just don't buy it. I honestly think that he knew all along that she was coming back to his hometown.
    Don't worry about why he said what he said, just move on and don't look back.

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    • absurlutly right.men can not do long distance relationship for too long time.

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    • That's a good point. I'm not sure he would be telling me a lie though. 1. All he had to say was the distance was too hard and 2. He was always so grateful and appreciative of the little things I did just to make his day and 3. He and his ex are military and they are being stationed on the same base after not having spoken in over 2 years; seems a little elaborate to make up. He's also about to be deployed for 6+ months in July--that's long distance for anyone and just the reality of his life.

    • I guess what I'm trying to say is that aside from just making his day a little better (because that made me happy), he knew the most important things to me were communication and honesty. There is no reason to make something up.

  • he said that because it probably won't end up working out with his ex.
    he laid it out for you plain and simple, guys dont want to have to work on a long distance relationship if they think a sure thing is right around the corner. i wouldn't even bother with his ass, what a waste of energy.let him regret it and move on from him.

    the only good thing he did was be straight up with you.
    you got your closure now move on.

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  • Because he knows you are his true love, and he will regret it especially if whoever he is certainly involved with someone who isn't not worth it in the long run. Many guys makes this mistake and always try to win their ex back when they notice they made a huge mistake. I hope when that time comes you have someone special in life, which will make your ex burn!! :)

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  • As Laliblackcastle mentioned, I think he might regret it if it won't work out with his ex! Then he'll feel stupid for leaving you just like that.

    I'm glad that you seem to handle the break up very well! I am trying to recover from a break up too, so you are not alone! :(

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  • He's full of it... he was probably talking to you and her at the same time - been through this myself. There's nothing like knowing you're first, and nothing else like feeling secure and knowing the man you're with is 100% with YOU. Be glad you didn't waste more time on him.

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  • Sorry if i am hursh on you. But it means nothing. He wants to keep you as an option, he doesn't want to close the case totally.
    Don't think about it. Nothing to think about it. Move on move on girl.

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    • My thoughts exactly. No harshness intended as well, it's like a bandaid for himself to make himself feel better for the coming days.

  • I completely disagree with Analemma and JohnWhilkins. This was a way to *soften* u up and keep u as an option. It's a mind game honey. That was said that so if things go sour with his on/off again ex (which he expects they will otherwise why keep u as an option?) u'll be none the wiser bc he'll be expecting that u will accept him with a warm welcome think what he did was sweet and bc he was "nice" to u.

    I know u guys dated for a bit but u may not have seen his true colors bc it was a LDR. Be careful that he's not a snake in the grass. Which is what I suppose from the way he handled ur break up, bc u are in fact right - he could've just made a clean break but he chose not to. IMHO he's keeping ur name in a little black book for later.

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  • It means that you had no fault in the break-up and that maybe him going back to this girl would be a mistake but he obviously has some unresolved issues and/or feelings or feels as though there is just some unfinished business with this girl.

    Just move on, it'll be hard but you'll feel so good once it's done :) <3

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  • Because you can have feelings for two people at the same time. And deep down he knows that if you lived in the same town as him; he would never go back to his ex.
    Sounds complicated though.

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  • He doesn't want it to end, but it's hard to accommodate your guy's situation. There are certain needs that people wish to fulfill. As selfish as that sounds. It's rare for someone to overcome long-distance, most can't.

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  • He probably genuinely means that he will probably regret it later but its a way of making the whole breakup sound nicer.. That's just my opinion.

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  • The missing for each other could be insanely unbearable when in a long-distance relationship. He is the typical guy who would choose someone within his reach. :}

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  • yeah but probably he still cares for you and dont want you to get hurt..or it could be that he really meant it..maybe he feels as if he doesn't have any option left but to try with his ex as you two live a large distance apart but if the circumstanaces were different he would have wanted to contiuue with you not with his ex..so i guess u should give it sometime but if u still care for him or have feelings for him u should let him know that and not keep it inside you..you never know whats gonna happen tommorow so u should give it a shot

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  • I believe it was to keep you in his life, because he wants you as a back up if it doesn't work out with his ex.

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  • Don't over think it. He just said that to soften the blow.

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  • lol you shouldve replied if you know you are gonna regret then why go the other way? Seriously if he was genuine enough he wouldve kept you rather than trying for the ex. Distance doesn't define love imo..he didn't try hard enough for you from what you are saying and you sound like a great person which he doesn't value at all. Dont message or reply to him at all..this will drive him nuts and also once the ex moves again he will give u a booty call. Drop him seriously!

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  • Although not completely the same, I had a somewhat similar experience. My boyfriend of almost a year at the time was an hour away at college (I guess that isn't too much long distance, but he didn't have a car and usually limited minutes on his cell phone so we didn't get to talk as much as we used to, especially with how busy he was getting in college). On one of my visits to see him, he brought me to my car at the end of the night (as usual) and broke down crying in my car saying he was breaking up with me. We talked for a while about it, and he said he was doing it because he was stressed and felt bad he had no time for me at all. Before he left he said he would probably be back. Which he did come back, and we've been happily together again since January.

    I think he said he would probably regret it because he liked what he had with you and who knows how well it would work out with his ex? And if it doesn't work out, he will probably be back and wanting to be with you again, even though it's long distance.

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  • Who cares. Does this not sound like a low quality man to you?
    My ex husband said the same thing. That maybe he was making a mistake. Well too bad. I never for a moment held my life up by hanging onto those words.
    Those words and feelings are HIS problem, not mine. Not yours.
    Keep it moving and don't look back, not for a second.

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  • Long distance don't ever workout...Very hardly

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