Is it ever okay as the dumpee to be the one that reaches back out to an ex?

In my situation, we were never bf/gf official, though we were exclusively dating.

At the time she had issues going on, and our relationship was something she didn't feel she could handle at the time and I struggled to understand this and ended up becoming insecure and clingy and this I believe pushed her away.

I truly believe that the split was for the best, and I've learned so much as a result, and am growing every day to be a more confident/assertive man. I know that I'm not perfect, and she certainly isn't either and was immature in her own ways.

That said, we never really had any sort of bad arguments and the split wasn't particularly toxic other than the miscommunication that led to me trying to push the relationship which she did not want.

Now I never truly found out what happened, and as far as I know she is seeing someone else right now.

I thought for awhile I was finally over her, and was ready to meet new people, and part of me still is and does want to find someone new. But a large part of me just wishes we would have met each other at a different time, when we were more mature/better ready for each other.

I just can't shake this idea of us being together again as more complete people who are better for each other, and I know that time isn't right now. But maybe months down the line or something.

It's just that we truly did have this connection and bonded really well, but it felt like circumstances kind of hurt things. And since we've split we haven't really talked, though have seen each other in passing and said hi to one another.

It hurts because I wish I could let her know that I still care, and there's things I think of and see during the day that I wish I could share with her. Or like wish her happy birthday when it comes up, or good luck on something.

Hypothetically would there ever really be an acceptable time for ME to reach back out to her since she broke it off, or would it basically have to come from her end?
IF TL;DR - summary
- Girl and I were exclusive, circumstances complicated situation
- I was afraid to lose her, got clingy/insecure
- I feel timing wasn't right/we weren't ready for each other can't help but hope things could be different in time

Since she was the one that ended things, would it ever be okay for ME to be the one to reinitiate, or does that have to come from her end? Also is it bad to send any type of occasional contact i.e. a Happy B-Day wish?


Most Helpful Girl

  • How long has it been since you ended things?

    • Things kind of started breaking down about two and a half months ago, but we continued talking/seeing each other for a few weeks (though things were different, she was withdrawn) until she stopped responding, so for me it's been a month of no contact, other than when we've passed each other, and that is just a wave and a hello. I'm not saying I'd pursue her right now, as I'm still trying to better myself, but we go to same school, and I just think of hypothetically next semester or something like that, if she's single and I feel like I'm in the right place, reaching back out to her?

    • I don't see a problem with that. It's not like she's ignoring you completely (waving and saying hello) so that's a good sign. Plus, it's been a month already and if you wait to reach out to her again, it won't be as awkward as it would be if it were early on.

      If/when you do reach out to her, keep it a simple, "hey stranger how have you been?" and take it from there. Keep it casual so she doesn't feel pressured.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • She dumped you, what makes you think she wants you back?

    • I didn't say I was assuming she wanted me back, or like I was doing her a favor or something like that. I just was saying that things just felt different with this girl in a good way and there were mutual feelings there, but the timing kind of sucked. And obviously that's true is that I won't really ever know if she wants to try and see where things could go between us, unless we talk again. And my approach wouldn't be, "please take me back" I just think someday down the road we could catch up and just give it a shot and rediscover that connection, with the added benefit of having grown for the better in time apart.

    • You broke up, I'm sure you will find a girl who will make things even better

What Guys Said 1

  • Test the waters, check the response you're getting...

    But to be honest, I wouldn't be overly hopeful


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