Beginning stages of divorce, advice needed from those with experience.?

What steps do you recommend both emotionally and physically?
I will have sole custody of 2 children.
Any mistakes that you made and learned from?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes.
    •Make it swift.
    •While the divorce proceedings take place try not to live in the same house.
    •Avoid fighting in front if the kids at all costs.
    •Make a plan and have a strategy. •Divide things now amongst yourselves now and not through a lawyer ( much cheaper).
    •Hide money for yourself if possible.
    •Use a mediator with a flat fee.
    •Do not lawyer up! They end up taking a lions share of what you have.
    •Do not bad mouth their father! It only makes you look bad.

    •Lastly, don't duel on tha past. Your future is much brighter without him around. You will feel content and happy again.

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    • Speed isn't a problem since he just walked away completely :(
      Thanks for your advice.

    • Ty. This comes from my own recent experience. The fact that he walked away is a blessing in disguise. It makes it easier for you to divorce him.

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What Guys Said 5

  • No personal experience, but with 2 kids in tow, you are in for a rough ride. My advice is the following:

    1. Family and friends will be your support for the next few years. Keep them close to you.

    2. Avoid the temptation to look for another man so soon. This is a period of great transition and you'll have to find a balance between raising your kids and earning a living. A man will trouble things, although you may think settling in with another man will provide some financial stability. Such a stable relationship won't occur for years.

    3. When it's time to find a man in the future, don't expect your kids to like him. If they're 1-9 years old, the might. Once they hit around 10-18, children do not accept their parent's new boyfriend/girlfriend very easily. 18+ kids who are more mature will likely want to see you happy as they'll understand your need for companionship better than a teenager.

    4. While a long-term relationship is not a good idea right away, I would actually suggest you start dating for the sole purpose of getting over your divorce. After my dad's divorce, he spent the next 8 years crying in the living room after work. It drove me insane and I resented him for making the home unbearable to live in. Only when he started seeing another woman at church did he stabilize emotionally. By then, my relationship with my dad was broken beyond redemption.

    I think - had he started dating earlier just to get his mind off the divorce, things would have been a lot better. But he just sat and moped for almost a decade.

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  • Wow not a easy question to answer especially by one who's mired in one lol

    Actually the advice depends a lot on situations, circumstances, reasons for divorce etc

    But in general for a woman I'd say the following:
    1. Take charge of your life
    2. Ditch any and don't let bitterness enter you ever
    3. How old r the kids? Ensure to be extra sensitive to them
    4. Stand up for yourself & never get into self pity mode even in private / alone with yourself
    5. Don't look for another man even subconsciously for a while, till you are completely in control & independent
    6. Get some help from your parents / siblings / friends for the kids (depending on how old they are) but don't take in their advise on everything blindly / emotionally - choose what's best for you & the kids
    7. You say 'sole custody' doesn't the father / your ex want to be with the kids?
    8. Get your priorities right in every sense including alimony, property etc
    9. Never fight when the kids are present & never fret or use words that will make the children's life miserable

    Good luck girl :)

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  • The biggest mistakes go like this.Most people who divorce because they are unhappy in marriage, ae still unhappy 5 years after divorce.They just go on to make the same mistakes again.

    Most people who try to fix what's wrong with their marriage (2 out of 3 who try ) are happy 5 years later.

    If you've got assets and you employ lawyers to sort it out, the lawyers get most of the assets and there is little left to divide.

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    • He's not wanting to work it out. So it's not really an option for me ;(

  • I don't know but divorce is always hard on the children. Are they old enough to know their father and remember him? That would make the whole ordeal harder on them.

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    • 4 and 8 :(

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    • I'd try a single moms forum or counsel for more advice.

    • I will do that. Thanks.

  • As half a lawyer, I'll tell you this:
    Spend as little time (and money) in and around the Courts as you can. Also, look at ADR as an option and if it works out cheaper for you

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