My best friend/"boyfriend" broke me but i can't let him go, we have a long history. What should i do?

We were high school sweethearts then broke up and each have their separate life. We went to college together, have the same friends so even though we had problems along the way, with time we became really good friends, best friends actually.

Last year we began an innocent flirting thing (for about 6 months) but with time it became more. Added to that we were both moving away (California & Miami).

We realized there was something AGAIN and after giving it A LOT of thought we decided to give it a try, enjoy the time we had left and Secretly started dating. We both agreed we were against distance relationship and our thing was so new that didn't make sense but on the other hand we were practically in a relationship but without the tag, really happy and involved with each other. We never thought that could happen again.

This lasted about 3 months until I left. But we were really into it & continued talking all the time at distance. After a month he suddenly changed and that started hurting every time more & more. I didn't know what happened & he wouldn't say anything, finally I found out he was dating someone else (Publicly), the big problem: He began that at the same time he was with me, which broke my heart badly given our long history and huge friendship. His excuse: "I'll always care & love u but we weren't serious & I couldn't give away everything for you again & end up hurt".

Now he left too. We keep contact now since remained friends (for the old times) and he is alone in this big city. He texts me all the time & lets me know he still cares...

Even though he hurt me and some months have passed, i can't stop thinking him, missing him & he won't stop hurting. I find myself distant, sad and crying all the time. I put my best mask when it comes to him and everybody around me but i feel completely broke.

I know i'm doing things wrong but I just illogically can't kick him out of my life. What should I do? Help me!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry about this. this is pretty crummy.

    the simple thing you should ask yourself is what would you tell your friend who came to you with this issue?

    he supposedly is your friend, which should come first and foremost, and yet he lied to you for months. so that would make me question how good of a friend he is and what exactly is that I like about him, because it seems like what you grew to like was in fact a lie.

    he's a manipulator, liar, and now that he's alone he's texting you because he feels he can pull you back

    you deserve better. WAY BETTER. move on.

    • Now that i think about it, you are right. What friend would do that to you? Hurting you and not caring about it? I guess i have to choose better my friends.
      Thank you, i am not the best of the best, not at all, but i definitely deserve better.

    • well I mean we can't all know people are going to be crummy friends or betray us. we just live and learn

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You are hanging on to a routine and hampering the chances of you finding a new relationship that will work for you.

    You know there's no future with that guy, you're a continent apart.

    You don't have to kick him out of your life, but you do have to stop using him as an emotional crutch.

    • You are right, i can't let him hold me back, even if right now is a little hard to let him go.

  • Oh you're fine. Come back in two years if it's still going on; fresh wounds take time to grieve and heal.


What Girls Said 1

  • You're moving on to the next chapter of your life. Friends are moving away, not just this one, others as well. It's natural to expect yourself to go through a period of grief over it all. There's going to be happiness and excitement along the way too. And fear as you move on to new things. But don't fool yourself into displacing all of those feelings onto one person. Definitely don't let it hold you back.

    Give yourself some time, keep yourself busy with your plans and soon it'll stop hurting so much.

    Oh, and next time, if someone wants to date you 'secretly' it always means they're seeing someone else.

    • Thank for the answer and advices, you are completely right.

      The secret part was idea of both of us, because we didn't want our friends opinion to ruin things. But when the thing got stronger we could have gone public and he didn't think it was a good idea so you are probably right.