My boyfriend read messages from another guy and forgave me too easily?

there's a lot to the story and Im happy to give more details if need be.

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years and its been a rocky relationship mainly because of distance and were quite busy people. We had a huge argument a weekend before were he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore and it was generally awful. Taken that we had broken up I started speaking to guy who I had blown off before-to make the breakup easier on myself to be honest that day.

My boyfriend called later in the evening and the next day, came over and asked that we try again that he loves me and he wants to work on things. but at this point I was still talking to the other guy and still was until he found out because I wasn't sure whether he meant it or was just confused. The conversation got less and less interesting because I was more taken by my boyfriend.

In summary later on he found the messages while setting an alarm on my phone and was very angry and told me he didn't trust me again which was true and other valid arguments because it was awful what I did but after 2 hours he immediately said he forgave me, that he'll probably drive home and miss me so he's wasting time being mad at me, he forgives me and we shouldn't talk about it again. and the rest of the time we were together we had an amazing time and even planning to continue to book a holiday.

Im very confused. I know what I did was wrong and Im ashamed of myself because this is the second time this has happened and its in the same same pretext in which we have a ugly ugly argument. He didn't tell me what to do with the other guy and I have immediately deleted and blocked him. before the argument he took pictures of the conversation with the other guy to hold as evidence and I think he still has it? and mixed with his response and his argument and his actions. I am very very confused. I need a guys perspective what is going on in his head?

Thank you so much for your time

My boyfriend is the type of guy who doesn't take anything lying down. If doesn't feel like having a conversation-he won't have a conversation.
When we had an argument it was him breaking up with me and me thinking he was overacting telling him I love him and he was still mad. All about being 1 hour late to see me


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he sees your interactions with the other guy as being partly your fault but also partly his. Thinking that it was partly his own fault, he had the choice of beating himself up as much as you (proverbially speaking) or forgiving both of you equally and just putting it all behind him. As such, he decided to put it all behind him.

    • I think you might be right but Im surprised by his action. he's not the type of person that takes ANYTHING lying down. The huge argument we had was about the way I told him was late.

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What Guys Said 5

  • He knows himself better than to succumb to the basics. This is the second time it's happened so losing his shit over a pattern of behavior just makes no sense; he has, in essence, accepted that this is how you deal with the mini-break-ups and has, I hope, matured to the point where he can see that his behavior is the trigger for yours and therefore while you are responsible for your actions as a person you are not responsible for your actions within the entity.

    In short he knows better than to try and bother being angry about the whole thing. It's frivolous.

  • if you are so quick to move on after an argument, maybe that should be telling you something... that the guy you are with isn't right for you.

  • I agree with jesseray. He sees this as his fault. If he didn't say that he didn't want to be with you then you wouldn't have been messaging that other guy.

    But, am I the only one who feels bad for the other guy in this situation? Seriously, first you blow him off, then you start talking to him not out of interest but to make yourself feel better, then you stop talking to him and block him? That's absolutely terrible what you did to this guy.

    • I know but I dont know how to explain my behavior to the other guy without upsetting my boyfriend. He didn't tell me what 'to do' he just knew I'll take care of it with his interest first. If I know messaged him after everything for me that would be exceptionally disrepectful to him. The other guy I doubt would really care, he was more concerned about how I looked like than what I was saying.

  • There are too ways this could go down. One, he really loves you and doesn't want to let you go, or has cheated on you himself and understands why you did it. Or two, he trying to create some big scene to humiliate you and break up with you when your guards down. I'd go with the first though

  • "ashamed"

    yeah and you did it again.

    Are you an idiot? Throwing words together that make it sound like you feel bad does not mean it's true. I had soo many exes like you. " Oh im soo ashamed, I feel soo bad about myself and wish I could fix everything."

    Then they repeat the same BS. He forgives you because he is hopeless. He doesn't care if you respect him or not and just wants to be with someone.

    Any relationship that has a person who keeps "messing up", Aka your a CHILD who can't show any kind of discipline. And a person who keeps forgiving them is broken. It's toxic. The person messing up constantly has some issues they need to work out in their life and the person who keeps forgiving has their own issues they keep them holding on.

    • Im sorry you dont know me. and you dont know everything that happened. My boyfriend isn't perfect himself and the 'ugly' argument ended up in the police station. I didn't talk about being with the guy, neither did I meet up with him. He was a buffer because the relationship was as dead as it could possibly be

    • Show All
    • He made me explain what I did, he didn't just immediately forgive me. It felt like 2 hours because everything went very quickly but it could have been more. perhaps I haven't described him well

    • If there was anyone who felt 'helpless' its me because I put my feels out there and it doesn't change the way he deals with things. This 'buffer' was pathetically a reclaim on control that I clearly didn't have in my relationship

What Girls Said 1

  • Are you kidding me? You were together 3 years, and right after hooked up with another.
    Distance and being busy is really not an excuse.
    You did something very wrong.
    And I feel awful for your boyfriend.