Is my girlfriend possibly cheating?

Okay, here we go, I have literally been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now and I try to refrain from flirting or anything adulterous even if it is innocent. I have literally became a rock to other people; emotionless, non talking, etc. So, My girlfriend plays an online game and meets these guys she adds on skype. She uses them and what not for stuff and goodies on the online game. When she is not playing the game, she is either: talking to them on Skype or sleeping. I am always busy with college or work, so I rarely have time to talk to her. We do see each other a lot and go out to eat sometimes. I buy her things and try to be a good boyfriend. I love her sincerely and honestly but she has double standards for me not to talk to other girls, even if I am not really attractive to them, which takes my free will away. Anyways, I have spied on her laptop and opened up her Skype to see if anything has gotten serious... it most definitively has. One guy, named Marcus, has the hots for her and I don't know if she has the hots from him, but she continously talks to him and messages him "Im lonely", "bootyhole >:I", and whatnot. Is this a red flag? I am scared to know if it is or not because I put all my spare time into her. She complains about me not giving her enough attention, not cuddling with her when I get off from work (when she is over at my parents house) because I have to go straight to the books, and etc. I feel like I am not enough in her eyes and I feel like foul play is at afoot. What do I do? Do I demand fairness in our relationship? I have confronted her about it and she says: It isn't serious, you don't trust me, blah blah blah. Someone please help me here, I have bought her a pre-engagement ring and everything and she still TALKS TO THEM!
Updates:
Things have gotten better and for all those who said: BREAK UP! GO GET SOME OTHER GIRL! (or anything related)
Important thing is to remember to never give up on someone that is important to you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Whoa, there's so much double standards going on here it's shocking.

    First of all, your girlfriend is being extremely hypocritical by talking to guys while she expects you to refrain from talking to girls. Judging from what you said, I can say one thing: I would be worried. Definitely a red flag. And let me tell you something else- I'm a girl so I know how the game works... and trust me, it really doesn't seem like this is gonna stay innocent for long. Messages like "I'm lonely," as well as "excessive" messages = inclination towards the other person. And I speak from experience, because I can say for a fact tht I wouldn't be messaging a guy most of the time and telling him "I'm lonely" if things were innocent. Nope... not innocent at all. In fact, this happened to me before, and it was bc I was extremely attracted to him- and I wanted things to go further. If the messages were less often, it would be slightly more understandable. I wouldn't buy into that game.

    Talk to her and make your point straight- there shouldn't be any double standards in the relationship. If you disapprove of her talking to so many guys as well as the "excessive" messaging, you need to make that clear to her. Yea, you have a right to be concerned. And the whole "you dont trust me" statement she made is simply "guilt-tripping." People only make that statement in an effort to guilt the other into thinking they said something wrong. No, you're not wrong to be concerned. And you've done everything for her, you dont even talk to girls, all for her... it's not true that you're not "good enough." If that was the case then all those awesome guys out there would never get cheated on.

    Of course, if she cares about how you feel then she will listen and give heed to your concern. Hopefully things work out for you guys. Wishing the best, sincere advice :) xx

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    • And one more thing... spending more time w/ her is a good option but when we are talking about how she's chatting with those guys most of the time, you working or doing your stuff is not an excuse or justification for her to do that. You gotta do what you gotta do and you can't control the fact that you have work to do. What matters is that you dedicate as much time as you can to her... as long as thats the case, you're doing what you can.

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    • But will not depend on it, just got her to socialize with me more and talked a lot. :) It was great.

    • So happy for you! That's wonderful :)

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What Girls Said 8

  • I don't think she's cheating (I've been in this situation) but if you don't start showing her more affection then it will probably lead to that. Buying her things and going out on dates once a week isn't enough, because she'll look at those things and be happy and grateful, but her friends are there full time. You're not. You're at work or at school or studying. That's not bad, but it's easy to feel ignored when the other person is doing something else. Just because you're in the same room, doesn't mean you're spending time together. If you're both on computers or both on games, or even both on your phones, you're not spending time together.

    Ask her to cuddle and watch a movie/tv instead of playing games. Get popcorn and make a big hoopla about it with her, even if it isn't. Another thing to do is text her and frequently check your phone and text her back when you see she's texted you. (if you're away from each other, and not while you're at work or school unless you have free time for a minute or two)
    If you ask her what she wants to do, have a plan just in case she says "I don't know" or "You pick". That way you aren't sitting around trying to decide on what to do. You could also try playing her game with her when you have free time. Whether you like it or not, that is spending time together because you'll interact with each other whether virtually or in reality.

    If she says "Im lonely" it means just that. She's lonely and is looking for someone to fill the void, whether it's you or someone else. She's sticking around so clearly she likes you!

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    • I guess I haven't necessarily been giving her time, usually I find myself so preoccupied I just zone out. but yeah, things have gotten better.

  • Two words. ATTENTION WHORE. Your attention isn't enough that's why she's constantly flirting and adding all these guys. To boost her ego. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is too busy seeking everyone else's attention and not yours? Yeah, no.

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    • I agree with you, attention seeking whore is correct! My ex was like this, thats why she is now my ex!

  • Yeah you might want to hold off on that engagement ring. Because you don't even know what she's doing for sure. To be adding guys just for the game ok fine. But to be talking with them outside of it and saying things like being lonely and lol bootyhole and whatever else she is saying, I don't like where that is going. I can't really say if she is cheating or not. She seems to be looking for an emotional attachment which leads to cheating. I'd keep a close eye on her with that skyping she's doing.

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    • Bout the most helpful thing someone has said: I have been literally like an eagle with her extra curricular activities on the internet. I confronted her about the messages and she says she likes the attention. I told her to delete Skype now and to never talk to these guys again because SHE LITERALLY HAS THEM WRAPPED AROUND HER FINGER. I told her you will not get the best of me. I burn the house down with you in it with me. So here is the update: I am done with spring quarter and will give her more time with just taking one class (because it is summer, time to jog), also I told her to not to worry about me leaving her all because... I literally couldn't cheat on someone. Thanks!

  • Dump her and don't tell you why you broke up with her. This will send her a message in her next relationship - not to mistreat other people.

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  • I can't say if she is cheating or not because i dont know her personality or your definition of cheating (honestly i think people have different ideas as to what cheating is). here is what i get from this info though 1) she is seeking attention and she doesn't think you give her enough so she is using these guys to fulfill that but it doesn't work that well so she does it a lot to satiate herself. 2) she states she is lonely which is kind of an indicator that she is feeling insecure and wants to be reassured that she is desirable and that others would want to be with her. 3) she has double standards and knows it and is being unfair to you because of her insecurities, she needs to know she has you on the line and are only there for her, meanwhile she wants to know she is again wanted. 4) she is guilt tripping you as a defense mechanism because she is guilty of something herself but she wants to make you feel like you are a more manipulative an immoral person than she is.

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  • She may not be cheating outright, but it's inappropriate when you're in a serious relationship. A boyfriend who works and goes to college is someone who is working toward the future. In other words, the kind of guy you want to find. She ought to be supportive of what you're trying to accomplish instead of complaining and flirting with guys online. She is immature and beneath you. This double standard she has for you is nonsense as well. My advice, save the ring. Date other girls while you're in school and have fun. Eventually one will come along who respects and loves you.

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  • Nah that is BS. She's not being fair at all! She doesn't need to talk to those guys on Skype and stuff if they are just game buddies they can talk while playing the game.. I mean it could be innocent but if she's asking you not to talk to other women than she shouldn't be talking to other dudes. You should demand fairness or she'll walk all over you.
    In a perfect relationship, you would both know and trust one another enough to know that neither one of you would cross the line or flirt with people of the opposite gender but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
    My opinion? DO NOT PUT A RING ON IT.

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    • "If you liked it you should've put a ring on it." -Beyoncé
      Heed those words.

What Guys Said 3

  • For the love of god, DO NOT give her the ring to try to repair this. I say to trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. You should never have to second guess what your partner is doing. This is serious stuff here. I don't think she is cheating either, but this is a dangerous path she is peering down. The double standard may be a sign of what she is like, or going to be like. If you feel you are totally trying to give her the attention she needs and try to be the best boyfriend you can be and she still finds your efforts lacking, then she will never be satisfied! You need to respect her privacy, but when it directly conflicts with the integrity of your relationship you have a right to know. You should confront her and have a good talk. Ask her flat out. Get this out in the open. Maybe there is something you are doing wrong. Give her a chance. If she truly loves you and wants to work it out, it will work out. If not, there are options. A break up may be too drastic. If you are very busy with school or whatever and can't give her the time she needs, take a break! If she is truly into these other guys she won't protest much, or be very upset. She may be looking for a way out. If she want out, you need to let her go.

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  • Sounds like it's time to break up.

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  • She wants her cake and eat it. Here's how I roll. If she if there were a she was to be seeing other guys? You can bank on it I'd be seeing other girls too. And if she wasn't ok with it she knows where the road is. Do I think she's cheating? If she's simply taking gifts from other guys then yes in my opinion that is a way of cheating. And if she's seeing other guys? 2+2 can only equal 4. If I were you, I'd be dipping her in her own medicine. And if she couldn't live with that she'd be roosting her butt somewhere else.

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    • Sorry about the giant missing part on the first line. Don't ask me how that happened.

    • Im lost.-. All I caught is: dip her in her own medicine.

    • She wants to control you and do her own thing have it her own way. Take charge.

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