I cheated. She found out. She wants to know everything. I'm having trouble giving all the correct details. Do I just fess up?

We lived together 2 years. Had promise rings. Things weren't amazing living together, but they weren't bad by any means. We had fun. We grew.

I cheated. And she wants to know if i had sex with this girl. Initially I told her we didn't. I told her she tried to kiss me, and I stopped her. I told her I was the one who sought the girl out though. (Thing is...I did have sex.)

I feel guilty. She's since then moved out, but is still clearly having intense feelings for me. She's not ready to let go..but is insistent for me to admit having sex with her.

My questions:

Why is she doing this? To validate that I'm not the one and find another reason to hate me? Or to hear what I have to say and maybe, just maybe, try again someday.

(She says she can't begin the 'forgive process' until she hears the truth..)

Is this worth getting back into? I could honestly never do what i did again. I feel way to guilty to do so.

I don't know what to do

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You clearly don't feel that terrible or you wouldn't have lied (again) when she asked you what happened. Your relationship will never be the same. It's like shattering a mirror. You can glue it all back together, but you'll always see the cracks. It'd be easier to just move on, start fresh and not ruin it next time.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • She wants closure by having you admit it so that she can be certain in her decision to leave you. Otherwise she will always wonder if she was the one that made the mistake by not trusting you. Either way the relationship is damaged beyond repair, and will never be the same. It would be better to just give up on her and find another girl. Only don't betray the next girl.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I was in a situation very similar to your girls not too long ago, so hopefully I can give some insight into how she is feeling. If she is anything like me, she will want to know every single detail- how many times, what positions, etc- which sounds too much to divulge, but to me, hearing every detail was better than living with my imagination filling in the gaps. I imagined things to be way worse than what they actually were. My husband (fiance at the time - yes I stayed with him :) ) was keeping things from me even after I found out and I definitely knew it. I could not start the mending process until I was satisfied that I knew absolutely everything. I'm not sure if it was some female intuitive sense that made me sure there were still things I didn't know or his story just didn't make sense, but I knew. And it is likely she does too and she will not stop trying to find out what you are keeping from her. Bottom line is, you have to tell her the full truth if there is any hope of reconciliation. If you don't give in she may convince herself that you're telling the truth and try to make it work, but even then you are forced to live with your lie, which can be incredibly painful. It will be incredibly painful for her too if the truth comes out later. Also, it is likely she will always feel inside her heart that you kept something from her and it may be incredibly difficult for her to live with. I wish you the best of luck.

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    • From reading all these comments I feel I have to say something else. A lot of people will say that the relationship is over because she will never trust you again and yada yada. That is probably true for a lot of couples, but it wasn't true for me and my husband. If the two of you want it bad enough it is possible to be together again and be happy. While he put me through incredible pain, I truly felt that my husband was sorry and would never dream of hurting me again. In fact, I never felt more loved by him than when we were mending things. Maybe some people don't realize how much they love someone until they've nearly lost them.

    • The last part of your response is completley true, sometimes a person has to go to the other side of the lake to realise that actually they much prefer being on your side of the lake with you:) good luck it's her choice if she wants to try again but cheating is unforgivable in my books no matter how sorry you are.

  • "Why is she doing this?"
    Because she knows you did it. She wants you to confess because she's hoping that you have at least that much respect for her by telling the truth. And yes, she wants to hear it so that she can move on. She probably doesn't want to try again someday.

    Confess. You already did the deed, might as well own up to it as well instead of acting like a huge coward.

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  • Welcome to the end. Kiss the old days goodbye. Your lives will never be the same. She will never fully trust and love you the way you once did if you are honest about the sex, or not. She will know that you are lying if you say no.

    Payback is a bitch, and boy oh boy are you in for it.

    She will get over this, and she will never truly forgive you, but one day, she just might fuck someone else to give you a taste of your own medicine and you will deserve it.

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  • My boyfriend who I have now been with for 6yrs, we went through something similar a couple years ago. Things weren't going well and he started pursuing another women, he didn't physical do anything until he broke up with me. He ended things with her probably within a month and wanted to get back together and work things out.Before doing so I needed to have some questions answered even if it hurts.It was a healing process for us both. If she asks tell her the truth.

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  • Fess up everything! Get it all out there because women have this unique way off sensing something isn't right. She'll never get over it until she knows that you understand the pain you caused her. It might be weeks or months but if you're true and honest your chances are better. If you don't fess up everything you're repairing that relationship on shaky ground.

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  • She already feels it. She knows. She just needs to confirmation to know that she's not making herself go insane with the thoughts. She'll be picturing it in a million different ways. She needs to know if she's picturing it correctly so that she can get that image out of her head and try to move on.
    You owe her that.

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  • Do you mind me asking, why you did it? do you still love your girlfriend or do you want to break up with her?

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  • Tell her the fucking truth. Stop being a damn coward and fess up like a man. You cheated and she deserves to know.

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  • Yes fess up the only reason she wants to know is because she is trying to find out why you cheated
    And it doesn't matter if you tell her or not she has already made her decision this information is just going to help

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  • Wow um yeah you already admitted to cheating might as well say the whole truth you are already on that roller coaster just ride it out now.

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  • Just face it the relationship is most likely not gonna work out and will end. So don't lie to make yourself look better, don't lie so she stays with you cause she already lost trust you might as well tell her.

    Be an honest man for this part and ask for forgiveness again and walk away. Cause if you lie and she ever stays with you, the relationship is never gonna be like it was before, you broke her trust, she will always wanna monitor you and with every right to want to. But what kind of relationship is that?

    She deserves to be with someone who won't cheat on her once or twice or whatever.

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  • I would say tell her the truth cuz if u all have been together for two years and lived together chances are she can tell if u r lying and it would give her piece of mind and it might help u work it out but burnettenyc is right pay backs are a bitch and chances are if she gets a chance u will get ur payback I have been in her spot my ex husband cheated on me for 4 years before I actually started listening to everyone that was tellin me that he was and I got my pay back I cheat on him with his best friend who also happen to be the girl he cheated on me with her boyfriend lol so payback was a bitch for him and he deserved it and more

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What Guys Said 5

  • The truth will set you free. And there are consequences for our actions. I think you should really contemplate how sorry you really are. Did you tell her you were sorry and ask for forgiveness? Most likely the relationship is over or it should be.

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  • you are guilty and you admit it. tell the truth, ask her to forgive you and be honest from now on.

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  • U fcked up pal, now there is nthng u cn do...

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  • Tell her the truth if she already knows

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  • You've messed up and you should do the right thing, confess to everything, tell her all she needs to know and then do the right thing and walk away from her. She deserves someone who can respect her.

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