Can't be in a relationship because of emotional issues and is grieving a loss?

my girlfriend recently told me she felt like she couldnt be there emotionally in a relationship due to the fact that a close friend who also happened to be her ex (he was more like a friend to her and helped her with some personal issues) was hit by a drunk driver and killed about 5 months ago (right before we started dating) she feels guilty because she was supposed to meet with him the day he died to hang out and possibly get back together but he never answered her texts and she is afraid it is her fault he was hit because she was texting and calling him at the time of the accident, she realized she never dealt with the issue and doesn't want to bring me down by making me wait for her to get over it if its going to hurt me, I love this girl very much, and in spit of our issues, we talk almost constantly, whether it be hanging out nearly every day after I get off work or getting on Skype and talking til we both fall asleep leaving our computers on, she told me today she wants to be "best friends" until she can be emotionally there in a relationship but she said the last thing she wants is to break up completely because she doesn't want to lose me or have something else to grieve for, but if we become "friends" while she takes baby steps, she doesn't have the stress of a relationship over her head but we only get to have long hugs, no kissing, or having sex, and basically I talk to her as much as we do and hang out, but im not her bf, she told me she doesn't want to weigh me down because she wants me to be happy but that she wants to be with me, I don't want to break up and I told her I want to help her through it but I can't allow myself to become a friend when all I see her as is my girlfriend, my friend told me I should give her a little space for 2 weeks and check up on her every 2-3 days to check up on her and see how her progress is but not to talk as much as we do, and not hang out nearly as much either so she can have space to think, any advice?


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What Girls Said 1

  • She is still grieving over the loss of her friend/ex. This is somewhat similar with dealing with a break-up (but worse of course). How do you feel when dealing with a break-up? It's the worst feeling in the world. Would you be able to start a relationship soon after that if you loved that person? It takes time to get over it, and you should accept that.
    You love her, and that's why you should accept her decision and be there for her. Listen to her feelings and be there for her in the hard times. When the grieving is over, you two will have a strong relationships with trust.


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