Mistake in deflowing this girl?

Not really a question, but I'm so depressed

I met this girl at a club, and we really hit it off. After about 3 months or so of dating, we had sex, but she was a virgin. She became really clingy afterward, and I decided to call it off after 5 months, because she left for abroad and I just feel suffocated, having to Skype her everyday and night, and messaging her in my free time.

Obviously things got really messy... she accused me of playing her, or using her, and a lot of things were said that really hurt me and her. She was really in love with me, and even talked about marriage (!). Because I was a bit naive I agreed to stay in the relationship. Now a month later I finally broke up with her over Skype

I just feel terrible that a woman who loved me so much, gave me everything (her viriginity) and I just kind of selfishly blew it off. I knew it wasn't working after she left, and I feel like shit for giving her false hope and play with her heart.

But I know she can definitely find someone more deserving of her love. If I didn't break it, I would be living a lie... I read somewhere a guy went back to his ex because his ex loves him, and after 7 years when they are now both in their 30's and about to marry, that then he decides to break up for good. I don't want to waste her youth

I just regret the way I broke up with her. From a third person, it really looked as if I was just in it for the sex. I'm not, I really wasn't... If you are reading this, I love you still, but not in love... I genuinely wish for your happiness, and I hope those tears can dry up soon.
Updates:
Hi sorry for the misconception, but she went abroad for a semester (4 months), but I've not done a long distance before, and one month was really long for me.

Thank you for the responses!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Coming from someone who's been in a long distance relationship for over a year...it's hard as hell. Not many people can handle it and it's rough.

    Honestly it sounds like you did the right thing. You wanted her to be happy and didn't want to drag something on you knew would hurt her more down the road. Whether she understands that or not you made the right choice. Props to you for recognizing it early on and making the decision to end it when most wouldn't have the guts too.

    Everyone makes mistakes and it sounds like you made a few. But at least you had the heart to end it and not hurt her far worse down the road. You'll both move on and it sounds like it's for the best.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I don't think her virginity is the main issue here, but how things progressed and how fast. After 3 months you're already having sex, and after 5 she had moved abroad... Which basically means your relationship never had much time to solidify and that was a false sense of closeness. Hence her being more insecure and clingy and you running for the hills...

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    • I mean, not the best timing to start a LDR and all...
      Although maybe it's something you discussed before hand.

  • It sounds somewhat similar to how my relationship with my boyfriend started, but we didn't jump into things. We discussed losing my virginity beforehand, and a lot of consideration went into it on both of our parts to make sure it was the right decision.

    I don't know if you guys put that much thought into it, but you clearly weren't moving at the same pace as one another--and that was probably the case even before she lost her virginity. That's not going to be a healthy relationship, and becoming long-distance will only make it worse. It just takes too much commitment on the part of both people.

    If it's any consolation, it doesn't sound like you used her. It seems like you genuinely care about her feelings, but just didn't fully think things through until now.

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  • Its in no way your fault, don't feel bad about this.

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  • Long distance is really difficult especially if you're not into the person anymore. And if you break up you're going to end up the jerk that broke up with her over Skype. So realize it's not you, but the situation you were in. First love breakups are always going to feel bigger, but I'm sure once she gets some perspective she'll see it differently. Don't feel bad, you did the right thing in not wasting her time:)
    But i will say this, in the future pay closer attention to who you're with and try to look at it from a big picture perspective. If you knew how you felt and that you were her first and she was leaving, you should have broken up before she left, in person and using her leaving as a valid reason. Or just don't sleep with the virgin who's leaving in 5 months.

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