So I found out my on again off again gf is in a " secret relationship " with a guy who works out of state and I'm devastated?

I just found out on Friday night and it just started to hit me last night and I'm really barely keeping it together , I was out last night and could hardly control my emotions and girls wondered why I was so upset.

but anyways i had been trying to reconcile our relationship as I still loved her and saw a future for us together. she had returned home from school and i had seen her several times and things seemed better but on Friday night I was at local pub and she arrived with her gf and this guy I had never seen before. so I talk to them and gf mentions she is dating this guy , I'm surprised but she knows a lot of guys so not a total shock but then I find out its much more serious than I realised and she has known him since before I even meet her and that he lives and works out west which might explain why I have never seen him before. they also appeared to have chemistry and it didn't look fake like just to make me jealous type of thing , it also appears very likely there having sex. I've known this girl for almost 2 years and just blown away that I didn't even know about his guy during the times we were friends and causally dated last summer.

I'm just a mess after finding this out and totally devastated that we are not going to be getting back together this summer. I don't understand why she'd want to date a guy she only talks to on internet over a guy down the street who is in love with her. I don't know how to accept the reality of this situation and how I could even look her in the face after finding this out? I'm still friends with some of her gf's and we got to same bars and honestly I don't know what I'm suppose to do


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, if y'all relationship is unstable for being "on and off", of course she's going to have a back up. She isn't going to commit & devote herself to someone whom she doesn't feel secure with. Really, it sounds like this guy is the one she truly wants to be with and you were just there to fill a void. I'd say cut off communication and find someone new that you're actually ready to commit to.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • this whole situation makes little sense , so I'm not really sure of things , I know she was upset I had meet some others girls when we were off but I didn't even date any of them or such. I don't know how interested she is in this guy I only saw him once all news to me , maybe its something serious but who knows he'll be half way across the country soon , we actually don't have that much communication to begin with so that part might not be that hard , mostly been talking to her in person and can tell you that is going to be extremely awkward next time I see her

Most Helpful Guy

  • You block her, go no contact and find a girl hotter than her.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • I don't know how to go about that as her and her gf live rate near me and honestly once he goes back to work out of state. I know dam well she is going to be back at the bars doing exactly what she was doing before. I can't see her really being the type for a long distance relationship but who knows but I agree after this there may be little point in trying to keep in touch with her as she really did go out of her way to destroy any hope of us getting back together , she went to that bar on Friday knowing I'd be there and that I'd see her with him

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    • but is it possible to be just friends with her after finding this out? I mean not rate away but say a couple weeks down the road when I've had time to digest this and talk to other girls / make new friends

    • Why would you want to be friends with someone who treats you so poorly. I don't know about you, but my life is to short to have people like that sucking up my time.

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What Girls Said 2

  • If you constantly on and off, is it really a secret though? Why not just break up or admit you have an open relationship?

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  • what were you expecting , if someone is on and off with you they definitely aren't for you

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