How to get over a broken heart, but not using sex to do this?

My relationship ended after nine years and understand I trusted him implicitly. However, after not seeing him for quite sometime I began to suspect he was not telling me the entire truth.
Allegedly, he was sharing a home with a woman who he claims to be only a "roomie" (this was how he referred to her.) He would send me political info which he also sent to several others and I noted her e-mail address. You can guess what I did. I e-mailed her and she set me straight. Of course, he is all upset and ended our "relationship."
Please know I saw the red flags, but refused to see reality. Also, know "we" are not kids and are both retired. Believe me I have kicked myself for being so stupid and can only continue to go forward while trying to remain positive that I will feel better.
  • In today's culture is it better to do a background check before getting seriously involved?
    Vote A
  • Is it important that the woman he is living with know the two of you were intimate? She acknowleges he likes to talk to women on line, but should she know the two of you were intimate?
    Vote B
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  • Being you were So very Trustworthy, which I find rare today, I think you were more 'naive' than anything, and when you saw 'Red flags,' you did your homework, and 'Smartened up.' I don't refer to you as being 'stupid,' but just this loyal, trusting woman who believed And Believed In someone she loved.
    Don't be too hard on yourself. Lick your wounds, take some time for yourself to do some soul searching, and------Consider This one of life's little lessons that has taught you to be more on guard in the future, and not to wear your heart on your sleeve for someone to take terrible advantage of.
    I am seeing a stronger woman here for everything you have endured, and I can feel you will be fine. Do Take this time for You now. You are what counts the most.
    Good luck.xx

    • Hi Paris13:
      This is definitely one of those "Life's little lessons."and I have learned to be a little more selective and perhaps do a more thorough check into someone's background before committing to a deeper committed relationship. Most of all, it's important to look at those "red flags." They show up for a reason as it's one's common sense telling you something isn't quite right. I am still crying, and even angry at him, which is good.
      I know bigger and better things are in store for me as I hold my head high and go forward with my life. After all, a man (nor woman) should not define who you are or what you are. Only you can do this. I have forgiven him and only hope the woman he is living with can forgive me. I have them in my prayers and wish them the best.
      Thank-you for listening to me and giving such great advice to this "naive" but now much smarter mature woman.
      Take Care,

    • Yes, and a lesson well taught. It's a shame that more and more people Are doing these 'back ground checks,' but one can never tell what is in someone's heart...I'm so very sorry for your tears, your pain...I've been there a few times, just makes you Stronger, wiser...But you seem as though you are a strong girl, and after you have licked your wounds, will move on ----With your head held high...God bless, dragonwoman...xx

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • Ouch that is not nice.
    We have to put complete trust in people and unfortunatly sometimes find out the hard way. We ignore the bad signs as we want to believe the fairy tale is true.
    Broken heart. Hmm.
    Well the first week. Be angry, cry if you want to. Eat cake and ice cream. It is important to grieve.
    Then go and see a friend or family member who you trust.
    Go out for a drink or some food, maybe a walk. Tell them how bad your feeling and why.
    Try not to talk about it too much but let it out. Try and have normal conversations and let them distract you.

    Join a free dating site and just talk to some other men. Even if your not ready just talk to people. There are some sites where you can talk to millitary personal who are deployed to afghan ect. And they appreciate someone to talk to and pass the time. This is not meant to find you someone new. Just turn you thoughts and attention away from said ex.
    Don't talk to your ex for a couple of weeks, even if he gets hold of you. You are b.u.s.y.

    Join a fitness club, eat healthy, meet with friends. Start a new hobby. Go for walks.
    Do something you have always wanted to do.
    Take care of your looks, always look your best, smell great everytime you leave the house.
    Look at some photography studeos that do makeovers and photoshoots (the will also retouch and really show of your good bits)
    Keep yourself busy and do things that make you feel good.

    Whilst you are not talking to ex and focusing on you, you can work out what you really want,
    If he wants to take you back you will have had time to think things through and reflect.
    And if he doesn't contact you, you have time to think if its worth returning to him and if you will contact him in a few weeks to start a fresh new relationship, forgive him for before but he would need to know he has to work for trust.

    If you don't want him back it's all about you now.
    It will take time to move on. It hurts and it is not nice but it will get easier.

    • Hello:
      Thank-you for your honest advice and have to admit it's hard letting go, but as you have said: "it will get easier!" I feel sorry for the woman he is living with as she knows he likes to talk to women on line. All I can say is good luck to her.
      Thank-you again,

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