Attention all divorced men and women of GAG!! Salicianym needs you!?

So, I want to understand why you decided to go through a divorce, instead of trying to make it work?

What changed? Was it you? Was it them? I left the anonymous feature for people who don't want to be recognised :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My late mom divorced my dad cause
    she had to go through hell with him
    drinking, coming home sick now he
    is married to the woman who he had
    affair with and my dumb ass sister
    allows my niece to call the woman
    grandma omg my mom turned in
    her grave many of time i miss my
    mom can't wait to God reunites us
    i hope there is Heaven she's in
    i had several dreams about her
    my mom never expressed her love
    neither did my dad

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I qam not divorced, but did a paper once on it drawing from several friends that have. Sometimes a partner just moves on (such as the friend that found out she was getting a divorce when her husband showed up with his fiancee). Sometimes people just get married to what is the best option at the time and then find something better and "trade up". Sometimes one partner is invested in the relationship and the other isn't and refuses to work it out. Sometimes two people get married for the wrong reasons and never should have in the first place.
    There are also the common problems of no sex (I know several couples that to the dismay of one party have sex 3 times a year), money, and infidelity.Lastly people change as they grow older, if the people invovled do not proactively change and grow with the person, suddenly you are two very different people with nothing to hold you together.

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    • Oh and then there are also the addiction/substance abuse/abuse cases, but we all understand those.

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    • I agree. Also with the situations I described in the first answer. If only one person is involved there is no marriage. It's a two person partnership. While at times it can be more give than take, there needs to be some undercurrent of love there. If it's not then there is no stable ground to rebuild on.

    • That's true if love isn't there it will never work. If you decide to marry someone you need to love the person for who they are, not what they give you. And I agree, it cannot be one sided, both parties need to have similar attitudes to marriage and work hard if it turns sour.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I don't care about anonymity I separated from my wife because she turned into a controlling. Psycho bitch!
    I tried for years and was miserable the entire time, there was nothing I could do she just had way to many issues , so I left her 6 weeks ago, in not paying for a divorce because I've spent a fortune on her already and she doesn't deserve it, I'll wait it out for a few years it doesn't bother me.

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    • In what way was she controlling? And how did you try to make it work?

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    • Control freaks need to take a breather!! I know someone like that! It drives me up the fucking wall! They are always right apparently, and they refuse to change.

    • Yea I don't think she ever was wrong it was apparently always my fault, that girl in the shop shouldn't have said excuse me to get passed i should not have smiled politely either, i should have just moved out the way according to her, that was a minor example and similar situations would happen multiple times a day every day for the 3 years i was with her.

  • Why should people try to make it work if they don't love each other anymore?

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  • 1. Love for me is 'There's no past tense in loving someone, it's either you always will or you never did' :)
    2. My marriage why it happened it's best left unexplained lol
    3. But I thought a better and open higher class lifestyle will make anyone feel better - the fault of thinking one is OSHO (the all knowing) proved me completely wrong
    4. She tried to pull me into her family's lifestyle which is pretty low class & narrow minded with no exposure to let alone the world, even the country
    5. I like my woman who is confident, outgoing and takes care of herself. This one was an introvert (limited to discussing everything with her mother & sister) and I don't recollect her going to a salon or spa - overlooked
    6. Came from a service / job oriented background while I come from an entrepreneurial background. I was on jobs but rose fast to top positions. My style, time of working as well as traveling would be compared to her dad's office timings. I was a director & he was an accountant (great chap though)
    7. I was 'disallowed' from talking to women they didn't approve of that included my cousin? apart from her cousins & aunts
    8. No friends or social contacts were ever entertained except those who were her family
    9. 'friends' and sister would keep popping up at my office w/o an appointment or prior intimation (my own CEOs don't come visit me w/o one) to just check on who is the secretary, how do I behave with women staff etc (I played a small gimmick once when one of them was in my chamber to check this out lol so I know)
    10. Stayed over at her mother's house for over a year after childbirth citing her dad was unwell (he was in pretty bad shape) & someone needed to be there for him. I stayed too & it so happened that I wound up spending more time with him than them lol while they'd be out attending 'family & community functions'
    11. Post his demise I wanted to get back to my house (cause they stay in the far suburbs too & I HATE being there lol) but she...

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    • ... made some reason or the other to stay put. I finally decided to leave & stay in my own house. Pronto they (her mom & her with my baby) reached before I got back to work
      12. Then life became more miserable when she would decide to make multiple calls on my cell phone when I say I will be in a board meeting so no calls (phone would be with my EA on such days)
      13. Then I'd get accused of being drunk if I look too tired when I get home late or after a trip outstation
      14. If not then I'd be told to have sex to prove I've not done it 'outside'
      15. Most of these and more were her mother's ideas lol I know cause I debated many times & she hit a wall while her mom started talking for her ha ha
      16. The last straw came on another reason but I'm not discussing that :)

      Thank you young lady for allowing anon posts :) If you so want I'll leave a private message to who I am :)

  • You americans are living sh! t life..

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What Girls Said 5

  • Because he cheated, refused counseling, said it was my fault, and then continued to cheat after he said wed work on things. 2 years of me trying to work on it alone was enough. I realize I probably did something to push him away but I offered to work on it and he continued to lie.

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  • It was both of out faults. I stayed Too long with someone that was not willing to change, I was not true to myself and what I actually wanted. I will take most of the blame because if i true to myself things would not have progressed to the extent they did, so i was the one who changed

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    • Did you feel u were settling?

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    • Ahh okay, thanks for answering :)

    • No problem

  • My ex started doing drugs and evetually started cheating. He got another girl pregnant while I was pregnant with our last child. I dumped his sorry a**. Now he cheats on her.

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    • Wow!! Well done for kicking his ass to the curb!!

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    • Wow!! What a dog, I respect women like u, I feel sorry for his insecure fiancée though!! She is lost!!

    • Oh, and he downgraded. Most people trade up, but not him. He used to always tell me I was too good for him. I guess that bothered him.

  • We both changed and grew apart. Tried to hold on to what we had the last few years and it hadn't worked out. We were also two very different people and when there is kids involved it's not good to have that negativity and constant arguing around them. We tried and tried and finally one day I just said I am done. I am in the middle of divorce papers right now so I it's all still new to me.

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  • My partner got divorced before we met, and he said it was because his wife took some drugs, and they made her a little bit on the crazy side. She would go out till 5 am every night, and sleep with random men, while he had to miss work to watch her son, since she wasn't home. He told me he would have tried to work It out, but the drugs she took made her a completely different person and she was pretty much wasted space at that point

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    • That's definitely understandable.

    • Did he ever try to get her help?

    • Yea, He came home from work one day, and she had pulled electronic thing out of the wall and piled it up, and was hiding behind it.
      He took her to the hospital for an evaluation and then insisted that they go to counseling. After that happened, was when she started cheating on him, and leaving him to watch her son (which he was more than willing to do, but he had to miss several days from work since she just wouldn't cone home)

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