Ex Girlfriend signals are far too contradicting?

Girl breaks up with guy.

Guys like whatever, ain't got no time for this.

Break up because of communication issues, girl has serious self esteem issues and hasn't really let guy in for 2.5 years.

Girl starts seeing someone else round a month.

She asks guy out to lunch round 1.5 months. 3 hour lunch, she wants to talk about what happened, etc. She pays.

She doesn't leave guy alone. Calling multiple times a week for a few minutes. Always has reason. Question or just to say hi.

Round 3 months in, guy had invited girl to coffee. Coffee is fine, about to leave she brings up something that triggers guy to tell girl she's been a really horrible person to guy. She says she knows... Her insecurities doomed the relationship and nothing guy did made any difference.

Next day she calls to say thanks for meeting. Calls a couple days after to vent about something. Calls a couple days after asking if she can get anything for guys dog. Later that night sends long email...

Email says if guy doesn't want girl to talk to him, she understands and will leave guy alone. Says guy is a really great guy, now that she's had some time to separate the false things in her head from reality (she was always assuming things, and did so wrong 90% of time wrong. Nothing guy could do though to change assumptions). She tries to make a couple funnies. Low self esteem stuff throughout (ie: " I understand it wasn't meant to happen that way." or I have no idea what life has in store for me, for you, for us if it ever exists again.")

Girls still seeing someone, doesn't talk about it.

Guy texts he'll call her in a couple days. Girl texts. Texts again trying to get a convo. Guy ignores.

That couple days later girl calls guy before guy calls girl.

Seriously... Wtf...

I love the girl, but I'm tired. Can't be direct with her, she curls back in a shell. I'm neutral. Plenty of pretty girls in the world.

Seeking opinions more than advice.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Phew that sounds emotionally exhausting.

    I can't pass too much judgement because I'm also guilty of being wishwashy with guys I liked, because I wasn't quite sure how to act around them. However, I think you're taking a good approach.

    Bottom line = she's seeing someone else and is therefore not available at the moment. Don't worry about it.

    • Not that I'm worried about it. I just don't get it.

      If you were wishwashy with me and I made zero effort to talk to you, would you call me multiple times a week? Write me a long email when it seems like I could care less about talking to you? After said email and waiting a couple days, texted I'd call you Monday, and first thing Monday morning you'd call me instead? To me... She's got something to say she just cannot/will not say it.

      It's so emotionally exhausting. As is having a relationship with a girl with insecurities. You have to be a really solid person, and even then they succeed and making cracks in you. Luckily summers here and it gives me a quick recharge.

      Thank you for your response, same with everyone. I'm just looking for banter and others insight, I'm not distraught or any such thing.

Most Helpful Guy

  • There would be no reason to drag all this past up if she was deliriously happy with new guy. Something must be up in that relationship.

    • New guys a textbook rebound, imo. Otherwise, she wouldn't be contacting me, when I make no effort to contact her. It was around a month after we split, she was mad at me (was 1.5-2 months before the anger subsided), figured she'd could quickly replace me. There ain't no replacing me...

      In her words from the email "You challenge almost everything I thought I wanted in someone, or I guess what I thought I deserved. I didn't, don't know what to do with that."

      She's really ballsy at just picking up the phone and calling. Last time I saw her, told her she's a horrible person to me. Over the next week, three phone calls plus the email. Sent her a text Sat after getting the email saying I'd call her Monday. Couple texts from her I ignored kinda seeing if I'd spill the beans, then BAM! First thing this morning (Monday) she calls. Twenty minutes after we get off the phone. Calls again.

      I'm a very logical thinking person. Women defy logic, especially this one.

    • Show All
    • Youve probably nailed it.
      She texted a funny last evening, I was out, had phone off. 4 hours later I get "Haha funny (I'm annoyed you're ignoring me I read) Sweet Dreams"
      and then she just called earlier today.

      Im tired of what is essentially her lack of self confidence. I really dont see us ever having problems that weren't rooted in that.

      I didn't know how to help her with it, I just kept an open mind and was always there. Trying not to sound vain, but the girl (no girl) should ever have self confidence issues around me. From emails, I think this caused her to over analyze everything which ended up making her have them all the time. I feel nothing I could have done or said would have changed anything, it was all in her head. By the sounds of it, she might recognize that.

      I love the girl still.
      It's fixable.
      I'm strong enough to do it.
      But if I do it, it's gotta be done right, and this issue fixed.

      But, if I'm too direct she pulls back. Yet is drawn to my confidence

    • self-confidence issues are usually rooted in the past/childhood and they're not easily fixed. And you can't fix it directly. People can gain confidence over time if they're in a positive environment. Even if she recognizes it, that won't immediately stop it happening in times of stress, as people loose the ability to think rationally when they're stressed. You won't necessarily know what the triggers are for doubting herself. Even trying to help will be compromised by your relationship with her. That what therapists are for.

Recommended Questions


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I mean if you feel neutral you might as well move on, it sounds like a lot of work to be with her and if you don't care there are plenty of other less complicated/more confident girls. But if you decide you want to be with her you should be upfront, and let her deal with her own reaction.

    • Not neutral neutral, but neutral in terms of can't fix it if the broken piece doesn't want fixing. She's a great girl, but unless she wants to face her issues, won't be getting anywhere and no amount of effort from me will make a difference.

      I'd love me a more confident young lady. My attraction is physically searching for one, while the ex still holds my emotional side. I'm positioned squarely on the fence.

      If she broke up with me and started seeing someone a month later and still sees them, why keep calling me? If you're trying to be friends, I'd expect a couple calls a month. Instead, I'm getting multiple calls a week with a weekly offer of coffee or breakfast. That's been going on for a little over a month I think.

    • Show All
    • No situation currently =( Senior year of high school I'm sure you've heard people say they slept through... I literally slept through it. Front of the classroom, head on the desk, gone. Teachers let me do it because I still somehow managed to get all my work done. Looking back I attracted a lot more attention from girls in high school than I realized at the time, freshmen were never on my radar.

      I have to get over feeling like a sleezy old man trying the Facebook route. I'm fine in person, but I cannot think of any situations like that involving this particular young lady I can get myself into. I don't think we have friends in common anymore. After high school I disappeared from the area. Most of my friends moved to the city. I live in the city and back in the hometown on weekends.

    • Worst case scenario she doesn't want to see you! And it doesn't sound like you ever run into her so you wouldn't have to deal with anything awkward. you should message her!

  • Immature girls are wishy washy. So are immature men. People are wishy washy when they don't know what they want. I was like that when I was 19 until I realized it was mean being like that and I thought long and hard wondering why I was like that and realized it was because I didn't really like the guy I just like the attention.

    She sounds like too much to handle. Either you like someone and you want to be with them, or you don't.

    People who "don't know" are just lying to themselves. They do know but just don't want to admit it. Or they can't deal with it psychologically. They convince themselves they like you, but they don't, they're getting something out of it and it's a constant battle. You can help her by cutting her off and never speaking to her again. If you feel like being nice you can be straight up and tell her why, maybe that'll help her figure her shit out. Goodluck.


What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

Recommended myTakes