4 and a half years, she left for another guy! Advice/ thoughts?

Together 4.5 years. I was happy most of the time. she always told me i was her soulmate and all that. she'd call me after just seeing me in tears b/c she missed me. i thought she loved me so much she'd always be there. She was always emotionally selfish but it never REALLY bothered me b/c I loved her so much. In Jan of this year we split b/c I'm jewish, she's catholic and we couldn't agree how to raise kids once we took the next step. 3 weeks later I decided I would do things her way b/c it wasn't worth losing her over. My parents thought i was being taken advantage of and worried that i would always have to give in to her or she would threaten to leave me... they weren't happy with her. She found out and that put a lot of stress on the relationship. I finally got my parents to come around and agree to apologize and make things right with the 4 of us in late april. By then she had already put distance between us and we had been on a break. She asked to see me, we went to dinner and talked. she was still confused and thought she wanted to give us another shot. she agreed to come talk to my parents but was very scared. she came to my house and never came inside. her and i sat outside and talked, she suggested we see each other and other people. this broke my heart but i agreed. 3 days later she ended things.. when i told her i wanted to marry her she told me she just wasn't there anymore. I find out the next day that she had been seeing a guy from her job (that I got her) and the guy was a friend of mine who we had been on double dates with. he broke up with his gf at the same time and they are seeing each other. I don't know if she knows that I know who it is but it kills me. its been 4 weeks and im doing better, but part of me just wants her to come back. she texted me after she saw i texted her dad on fathers day saying "that was very nice of you. i gave your things to my brother (my friend) it wasn't easy just want you to know. hope you're doing good" Help!

Updates:
also, all of our mutual friends tell me she never treated me right, manipulated me and walked all over me. I saw it at times but never did anything because i loved her. her family is very angry with her. they always told me i was so good to her
anyone have any thoughts on why she would text me, and why she would say "it wasn't easy" ? I don't get the point of that.. any female perspective on the whole thing would be really helpful as well. Also, is there any chance she will ever come back?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A relationship should never be about 'what can you do for me.' It must be a selfless to survive. You have to want to be there for that person unconditionally.

    Take this negative experience and see it as a positive learning curve.

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    • Thanks.. so basically you're saying she should have stuck it out with me, but instead when things got tough she just bailed? It's not like i told her to just deal with it. I always said i would fix things.. and I did. that's how i've been rationlizing it, what do you think?

    • Love isn't easy, there will be rough patches, its those that fight through it that come out stronger. She didn't want to fight for the relationship. I've been there. It sucks but I'm happy it happened sooner rather then years later. (We were together for 3 years.) I don't want to be with a person that quits on me when things get harder. I need someone that will answer the call and know that everything will be alright.

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What Guys Said 5

  • If a female is emotionally selfish... that is an early warning sign of TROUBLE!

    Now u know for your next relationship.

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  • Next time don't be blinded by your love.

    Don't make angels out of monsters.

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  • Leave her behind and move on. I know that's a shitty thing to hear, but I've taken back someone who's left me three times. You will be fine. You will meet other woman. You will not grow old alone. Just cut the cord, don't be a pussy, and leave that mess be. Tough love dude. I had to hear the same thing, and my friends were right. Don't take that kind of shit from anyone. You'll be better off. There's billions of people put there. The possibilities are endless!! Just let it go. Trust me!!

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  • Put a woman on a pedastal, and she can't help but look down on you.

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