Need advice guys! No sugar coating anything I need the truth!! I?

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, 2 months ago because I was feeling very depressed and stressed out with my job, I didn't want to drag him into my drama and ask for a break so I could have some space and time to think about my career. For 2 months he begged for me back, saying he was ready to start his life with me and he didn't want to be with anyone else, he even went to my parents and asked then what he could do to win me back... I kept telling him that I still loved him but I need time alone. After six weeks and talking with family members and a therapist, I message him say I would like to give us another try. He's response shocked me as he said I can't right now. I later found out that he was 'talking' to a new girl... how could he go for loving me so much to blowing me off for some girl he just met? After a week had past and I apologies for putting him through so much pain he kept telling me 'I can't right now' ... Although when I text him he was always available to help me out whenever I needed it, until I suddenly got a text yesterday saying leave me alone and I haven't heard from him since, which I so confusing to be as he told me two days before that he was still in love with me but couldn't be with me right now... Just to add to it he never used to post anything on Facebook and now he keeps posting status about this new girl... I don't know if he's just happy or trying to rub it in my face... I really want to know what to do, obviously this girl was a rebound to void the pain he was feeling but do you think he's really over us? Should I wait for him or move on? Help!!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • For starters, "I was feeling very depressed and stressed out with my job..."

    See, this is part of why men do not prefer women with stressful careers.

    Second. Your boyfriend was with you four years? You realize that's a long, long while for dating, right? That's literally like a marriage. And then you broke up with him, and he spent two months sacrificing all his dignity, pouring out his broken heart to you "begged for me back, saying he was ready to start his life with me and didn't want anyone else." And you ditched him because you were depressed and didn't want to deal with him.

    Why on earth would he want you back? It sounds like he was trying to get you back, brokenhearted, for two months, then there was a six week or something period of not so much?

    He's had some time to recover, realize you broke his heart for no reason and have issues, and he's decided to find a girl who hopefully won't break his heart for no reason. I hate to restate what most of us know, but you realize that getting ditched by someone you love hurts? Literally, it hurts like a concussion, and effects neural pathways in the brain that were changed and rewritten during the relationship.

    He might also now have had time to think, talk to buddies, and realize, "Damn! I wanted to have a life with this girl? What if we were married with kids and she had an episode like this?"

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What Guys Said 5

  • How could he blow you off for a new girl?

    Because you blew him off first?

    Honestly, the last thing I want is a mate who feels like I am enough of a drag to her, for her to want to be away from me when she is stressed out/doesn't want to put me through drama. What makes you think he wouldn't want to support you when you are stressing out? When you are going through it? You essentially, emotionally, slapped him in the face. Good job.

    Learn to open up and let someone you say you love, in to your heart. Being in a relationship is about being dependent- not INdependent. When you feel like you need to be alone, you are telling him, that he is not good enough for you.

    Well, he got your hint. Your only hope is the fact that any girl he is seeking is indeed a rebound, and he doesn't have the history with her that he has with you.

    IF he decides to take you back, you would do well to control that self- centered pride. It is about being vulnerable, not all clammed up and inside of yourself.

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  • He's not over you.
    She is a rebound girl.
    You destroyed him, and now that you want him back, he has the power. He's going to milk the situation for all that he can to get back at you for breaking his heart.

    If you want him back, you just kind of have to take it, though it's gonna get worse before it gets better...

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  • Well he is resentful. You give this introduction about how great this guy is, or maybe I am misinterpreting this essay. =) Anyway, if this guy is already with a new girl, I am not impressed. If a person is in a relationship within two months of breaking up, they either were not that in love with you orr they have other issues. I see it that cut and dry, maybe there is a little gray.

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    • Depends if a person has been a long term relationships... most people in long term relationships have a hard time coping with breaks up because they don't know how to be single... I've seen people jump into relationships after long term relationships because its easier to distract urself from heartache when someone new is there..

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    • Yes, I concur. However, just wanted to let you know that most people that come out of LTR move on to the next one very quickly. If not after the relationship is over, then it might be during the ending of the relationship. They will have someone before things have died down. Likewise, it could be the reason she may want him back as well... the attachment is harder to break than love.

    • Haha Crazy you don't have to tell me my ex lined up another guy then left me for him. =) And I agreee the attachment or infatuation could be what some people miss instead of really loving that person.

  • I say move on, he moved onto a new girl, and i dont think you should date, it wouldn't be healthy if he even did dumb her and wanted you back

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  • It seems to me that he may not have been fully in love with you.
    Maybe, he didn't know what true love was...

    It's very likely that he got desperate, and needed some extra attention, to help temporary fix the feeling...

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What Girls Said 2

  • hmm, I think you should be patient and just focus on your life. The constant rejection probably got to him and now, he's loving the attention from someone new. Rejection is a tricky thing, we forget that others are human too and can walk away just like us when hurt repeatedly. Anyways, don't harass him and let him be... when the rose coloured glasses are off or the bloom of a new romance has wither away then maybe he might come back. No guarantees because he could also just fall in love with this girl as well. Don't put a hold on your life.. and btw, maybe u didn't love him enough since you let him go and repeatedly rejected him afterwrds. Are you sure you want him out of love and not just out of comfort and maybe ego?

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  • To be honest I think he's moved on. It sounds like he's into that girl, no matter if she was a rebound at first. He's developing feelings for her which is why he changed from "I'll always be there for you" - when he still loved you - to "leave me alone" since his mind is occupied by another woman now, this feeling makes you forget the rest and also feel annoyed by a clingy ex, you simply don't want to put up with a person like this if you're falling for someone else.

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