Hello, I'm very new here, just wanted to share & get some advice. I dated this girl for almost 4 years, she was my best friend, I was her first boyfriend, we enjoyed each others company and were comfortable with each other, lots of good memories even talking about the future, I'm 30, she's 28. I can only recall a few disagreements between us. What happened is that she went through stress/depression, even claimed that maybe she has BPD, Bi Polar or Borderline Personality Disorder which I don't believe. She is stressed at work, working around 10-12 hours a day and adding to it, is her family issues that affects her so much. She was in denial that she has changed, lost her identity, because she used to be a happy & optimistic girl until late May 2014, she started to become anxious, pessimistic and short tempered. Her reason to break up with me is that she does not want to drag me down with her issues especially with her family since we're not yet married, also to protect the good relationship, she wanted space & for us to be friends as she can't balance her life anymore & does not have time for herself, I accepted it, acted mature, by not begging or pleading to her, however I still cried in front of her, she feels bad for doing this to us, especially to me which made her say that she does not deserve me because of my kindness and that the problem is her I totally have nothing to do with it. There is no 3rd party issue here, our friends know that we already broke up but the problem is she does not want our parents/families (who are close) to know because they will be hurt, which will hurt her more. She wanted to distance herself from everyone including me. Any advice on what should I do? She wants me to go on dates so I could move on, however I told her I'm still in love with her, still care for her and wouldn't want to go on any dates. She texts and chats me first, then I will reply but it's not like before, I'll see her if she wants me to but I don't initiate at all.
Most Helpful Girl
She's being honest with you about her Personal problems, about All of her 'Issues,' and may very well, for what I can see-------Not want to drag you down with her, like some anchor. And she is also being sincere with you, telling you she wants you as her 'Friend,' and with this-----Wants You in her life.
At this point in time, being she is distancing herself from everyone, including you, the only thing you can do is be supportive as her Good friend, and be this shoulder she can lean on. If you pressure her in any, shape or form, she will feel cornered and back off completely. I know that you don't want that. She has to be handled with kid gloves. It's what you need to do if you say you love her this much.
Might I suggest you speak to her about seeing a therapist. It sounds as though she Does indeed have mental issues, which will Only get worse. There's no harm in sending her a message of love and friendship every day. But I do suggest you start as well to concentrate on your own life... Don't wait around for things to go back to the old times. It may never happen. She is Telling you to do this. It's what she feels is best for you.
Good luck. xx1
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