We did things. I was a shy, virgin. I got humiliated, played, and stepped on.
Anyway he is a player. I'm always on his social media accounts and he will put things like "move on" or "people who cheat are immature" or "idgf" or talks about his girlfriend. He will even post images of people having intercourse.
I cry everyday because of this. I still care and I still want him. I honestly feel there is no better guy out there than him. I don't want anybody else, but him.
I pray everyday for god to give me strength. I even pray for him too, but I am emotionally a total wreck.
I even stopped going to school which probably failed the semester. I stopped going to work. I cry everyday, every hour.
My parents think I'm clinically depressed and should see a doctor because it's debilitating.(they don't know why)
At the same time I'm mad at myself for letting someone have so much power over me. I think about suicide constantly, I just don't care anymore.
I deleted all my social media accounts so I don't have access to his accounts. I have to let go, but it is killing me. I just pray god will forgive my sins, but especially his and what he has done.
I need your point of view and help.
Most Helpful Guy
You've done nothing wrong. Last time I looked, it wasn't sinful to be a victim of a deceptive person.
Even pre-marital sex isn't sinful, especially for a woman, if you read the Bible. Reading an English translation/mistranslation of the Bible could lead you to mistakenly believe otherwise.
I'm surprised that such a short term relationship has affected you this much. Logic would tell you that he's no good, that your better off without him, and he doesn't deserve your love. There's no point living in a dream world of what if he was better in this way or that way, and everything would be happy. He is not different and it's not likely to happen, and the best thing was for you to find out soon.
Even a little sooner would have been good, but you can't have everything. Some people invest 5 or 10 years into a relationship, only to find out their partner is no good.
Say to yourself "I might have been had, but I can't be bought". You haven't sold out your values, and there's nothing to be ashamed of.
You've probably been burning up a ridiculous amount of vitamins with this recent stress. When you get run down, it gets worse. At least get a vitamin B supplement and take a good dose every morning. A dose of vitamin C every 2 hours until mid-afternoon will keep it working. A calcium and vitamin D supplement at night wouldn't hurt too (if you take it the same time as vitamin C, they destroy each other).
Get some serious strenous exercise. You'll feel a lot better, and cope better.
If you drink, don't get drunk, but one or two might relax you. OK as a night cap.0