How long should I maintain NC, how does NC work when it wasn't a clean breakup (e. g., & under what circumstances do I alter NC to fit the situation?

I was dating a girl for about 3 months, had sex 5 times (& got very close), was unavailable (traveling) for 2 months, reconnected by phone/chat for 1-2 months with a few nonsexual encounters, & then was axed. She began dating new guy she is only semi interested in & I am confident she is not having sex with him (but she continues to date him though she recently told me she is planning on breaking it off with him). I applied NC & she came back (this happened a handful of times due to her expressing her desire to be together). She began secretly dating me again for about 1 month while dating this other guy and we even stayed in a hotel room together last week (no sex or heavy petting, just some light petting), however, she remained hot & cold toward me (ambivalent) & I've had difficulty getting more than a few kisses out of her. She says consistently she does not know what she wants & that she is closed off.

I am currently in NC (3 days) but I know she has feelings for me. We've told each other we love each other. I have no plans to contact her. I told her I am not interested in her friendship & to call me if she wants to get together (date). We have not been intimate for 6 months. She lives directly below me w/ her family & she is 26.

1. When do I reciprocate contact if she writes me?
2. Do I bring up getting together if she contacts me or wait until she brings it up (she knows where I stand).

Please don't answer with smart ass responses or if you don't know what the hell you are talking about.


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  • Make her choose. If she doesn't choose you then move on and find someone who will. I had to tell a girl that before. Sat her down and told her how I felt. Then gave her a week to choose between me and another guy or I would decide to leave her on my own. She chose me and years later we got married. However, if you're willing to just be her booty call then let her know that as well and feel free to go out with other girls. As far as the nc, do it indefinitely is she chooses the other guy. If you go with the booty call then just when you feel like.

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