How do I make him accept/see that its a permanent breakup?

I've broken up with my first boyfriend, we would have been together for 4 years in July (we got together just after my 14th birthday).. reasons for breaking up with him are (simplified) 1) We've grown into two very different people 2) I feel he doesn't respect me enough 3) We fight all the time over things that shouldn't be fought over (eg. I want him to quit smoking weed so we can start saving money to build an actual future, rather than waste it a way , when I suggested that all hell broke loose and that was the last straw) 4) He just is not the type of guy I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I've matured more than him in our 4 years together probably because I've been through a lot in that time. I'm still living with him until I can afford to move interstate back to where my siblings are, we still care a great deal about each other, at first he took it really hard when I sat him down and told him I can't be with him anymore, I've been miserable for so long so I need to take time out for myself, he was devastated and was quite mean to begin with, but he's a lot more understanding but I don't think he realizes how serious I am.. He's still acting like were together and I've been a bit cold, like not saying I love you back , i still give him a cuddle but only because I want us to be able to stay friends. i went down to see my sister and brother or my birthday over a weekend and I met someone else who is honestly too good to be true but I'm hoping he and I can start something when I move back, he's the exact opposite to my ex, and I have told my ex I met someone else and I plan on seeing where things go with him when I move.. I just need some advice on how to make it clear to my ex that this breakup is going to be permanent, that it isn't just a break, and that he isn't going to be able to change my mind.. I want to do it in the nicest way possible.. I care about him but we were going and now we've grown up and it just isn't going to work out


Most Helpful Guy

  • So many problems. 1. Your still living with him. Message unclear. 2. Your trying to be friends but cuddling with him. Message unclear 3. Your expecting him to just accept that your 4 year relationship is just over all of a sudden and be cool. As clear as you think you've been message unclear. 4. Your reasons aren't as sound as what you may think. To someone who smokes weed often their weed habit is not a problem. The problem is the government's ban on a safe substance. And many think that others will immediately understand this. It may not have anything to do with the legality of it but I promise that's where he's taking it. Also there are no types of guys. This is the real world not the type castes Hollywood scene. Your going to get a mixture with every guy you meet and every guy you meet will have a couple of those traits that'll make you utter the same sentence. Also no you most likely have not matured more than him. Most likely you've just matured in different areas. It's better to just say that your thoughts about the world has change and not place your thinking on a higher more adult plain. Also growing into two different people is going to happen in every relationship always commitment is about meeting and learning how to love that new old person over and over again. Give him more clear reasoning even if it sounds cruel 1. You don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore 2. You can do whatever you want and this is what you want. Anything beyond that is giving him hope that he can change and fix this. Also lastly I have to address this asking to be friends afterwards. No don't do that. You let him decide if he wants to be friends. You leave him you put that friendship card on the table and you leave it. You don't encourage him to pick it up. Why? Because it's not about you anymore you've made your decision. You're doing what you want too. Give him some autonomy. Don't make him feel guilty about walking away cold turkey if that's what he wants to do.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Agree with Editor


    It's a waste of time there are things that can't be forgiven and he does a lot of them.


  • The first thing you have to do is move out of the same place. If you want the relationship to end you absolutely cannot live with him. It will take you longer to do the other things you want to do, but if you still share living space with him, you're still in a relationship whether you like it or not. Move out.

    After you do that everything will get much easier since you won't have extended daily contact with him. To break it off with him gently, tell him dispassionately your reasons for splitting up, and that the relationship he wants is not the same as the one you want. Make it clear, and then that's it. Don't have physical contact, and don't check to see how he's doing. Move on to someone better and give him the freedom to find someone who wants the same thing he does.

    If this doesn't work, see a counselor to get better suggestions.


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