Some thoughts about my ex and why we broke up?

As part of my healing and moving on process I've been thinking about where I screwed up and what I could have done different.

When she started to pull away I straight up asked her "Are you ok?, anything we need to talk about? Everything ok?"

I listened to her and I took it all in but she continued to pull away. Two weeks later I get a explanation:

I've been hurt in the past and I have trust issues. If it's going good I pull back, cut contact then try to talk to them a couple weeks later but by that point I've hurt them so much they want nothing to do with me.

Okie dokie, we can work through this. Just know that I love you and I'm here for you.

She pulls farther and farther away, I feel like I'm giving her the space she needs. We see each other after two weeks, end up in a fight and break up.

Maybe I'm wrong but if your a couple and your trying to work it out don't at least have to talk? I mean how can things get fixed if you don't talk about it?

I wrote her a letter but I'm not sending it because it feels too needy still. When she asked for space I should have cut all contact though. Right after we broke up I left, she changed her profile pic of us, changed her status to single and made a post about being single and loving it. I unfriended her so I wouldn't have to see that and get hurt more

Updates:
Call me a retard but after careful consideration I decided to write her a letter. Nothing pushy or clingy nor excessively apologetic but the ball is in her court. Goes in the mail tomorrow, which means she'll have it Monday at the earliest
Further update, went to a friends to drop off fireworks for her daughter. She's a mutual friend to both parties but she says I'm her adopted son. According to her my ex has a new dude, don't care if she's on the rebound or not but I'm done

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sorry about the break up :( It sucks... I know. But at least you know where you stand now. Your last paragraph is a perfect motivation for you to realize she's over it and now you should get over it too. You know, it's sometimes good to think back about your actions but it's also worth noting that it's pointless to think you are the only who messed up or did wrong. By the sound of it she is the one who pretty much gave up on the relationship. She's the one who didn't really communicate and didn't seem to have a interest in trying either. In fact, I find it difficult to take her seriously and she sounds quite selfish. I doubt you screwed up as much as you think you did. She has some serious issues if she uses her "trust issues" as a excuse to hurt her boyfriend the way she hurt you... that's so mean. I don't know what type of person gets into a relationship in the first place knowing they have such severe trust issues. A shitty past is NO excuse to ever treat someone horribly. She should have known better. Not you.

    Please realize you can do tons better than this girl. You don't deserve someone who can't give you their best.

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    • Thanks, I appreciate it. I still feel like I'm partially to blame. Even though ultimately I feel like she gave up, she might have moved on or not. I don't know and really am scared to find out.

      She knew what my insecurities were and then created a environment the night we broke up that was sure to pick at them. Long story short, I wasn't happy, my friends knew that, I left the bar for food and get a angry phone call. I go back to the bar and I confront her. She then says I cussed her too many times (i said what the fuck?, yup I know but I'm not making excuses for my actions)
      And I didn't give her the space she wanted... it's been 5 days. In those five days I've run the gamut of emotions but I've connected with my friends and joined a gym again. She didn't want me to because she doesn't like me getting any female attention besides hers. I've also joined a band and played guitar in front of a audience. I think I'm moving on but I still hold out some hope she'll call me

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What Girls Said 1

  • So there was a breakdown in your relationship because of her trust issues. It seems that she has a wall built up and she needs you to be encouraging about your relationship so that she is not going to be hurt again. If you truly love one another I would not let her get away that easily because it will only confirm what she is thinking. When I broke up with my bf, the very first thing I did was to remove all his pics, changed my status to single and un-friend him. It was a protective measure for me. I was tired of putting myself out there and giving more only to be hurt. Are you giving her enough and the kind of attention that she needs and deserves? The only way you're going to find out what is going on is to have a decent discussion without getting into a fight. Start by sending her some flowers with a note telling her that you love her and that you'd like a second chance to talk.

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    • I love your idea, but during our last discussion that night she stated I was too needy and not giving her space. I'm afraid doing what you suggested is only going to come off the same way. Instead I thought I'd send her a letter but I felt like I was being needy when I wrote it.

      Yup I was needy at the end, why pull away and not expect me to try to get closer? If nothing else I wanted a good reason for it aside from her issues, I'm not the men that hurt her and I never ever treated her like they did. She does have a wall up right now and it's to keep me out. However she didn't delete our pics and I still havestuff at her house

    • I gave a lot in exchange for hurt, I sold my new guitar so I could have flowers sent to her, I wrote her a sweet note the day we broke up..."I got your letter, thank you it was sweet" then yelling at me ten minutes later.

      I gave her a piece of me and in return I was left wondering Wtf happened while I tried to pic myself off the floor. She has my favorite shirt, personally I hope she's wearing it crying about me... maybe her hurting like I do and did before the breakup will make me feel better but it doesn't. I don't want her to hurt and I'm sorry if she does but it's her loss

What Guys Said 2

  • These situations suck. The best thing you can do is to just let her go. Don't expect her to come back, don't think that something will get better, don't wait for her trust issues to pass. Because the odds are they won't. Go enjoy being single as best you can. If you want to sit home, drink beer, and watch some movies, go for it. If you want to go out and party, do that too. Go focus on you for a while and forget about her.

    Bottom line: If she isn't coming to you and won't work with you, she isn't worth a second of your time. Go find someone better.

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    • Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm enjoying being single so far I suppose.. I'm glad I don't have someone to tell where I'm going, or who will be there, or don't do this or that. That's possessive and controlling and I will put up with it to a extent but I set a hard limit on it

  • You're better off not being with someone who is mental like that.

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    • I think so too, I mean if you say you love someone you don't treat them like that. Why hold someone else accountable for the crimes of another. I still love her and miss her, I feel myself moving but I still hold out hope she'll call me

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