Miss the friendship I had with my ex (but seriously don't care about the sex). Wonder if it is possible to ask her to be friends again?

About three weeks ago I broke up my gf after a year long serious relationship. I'm 32 and she's 25 (mature girl). Overall the relationship was really awesome... but about halfway through it I started running into physical attraction problems. We would go on a date, eat great food, laugh at Archer, cuddle and do massages... but all in all I just didn't want the grand finale. Weird hearing this from a guy... but I just wasn't physically nterested anymore. Initially she chalked it up as me "being an old man"... truth was I didn't feel the spark towards her (but I admittedly did check out other girls... but I never ever acted on it). Then about 2 months ago she confronted me about it. I told her I thought she was attractive but I wanted the the sexual tension to build up more (she wanted to do it almost every time she saw me) and for me to take a traditional approach. A part of me was seriously asking for a break (temporary) to help me "freshen up/recharge" my feelings toward her. Then about 3 weeks ago we got into an argument about some trivial points... and she really broke down... the following week she dumped me. Can't say I don't blame her. However she told me "please don't be a stranger" at the end of our break up conversation. Since then we have had limited contact... but she has been real short and not asking any questions. Truth is I'm still emotionally (but not really physically) in love her. Losing her was like losing a best friend... a piece of myself. I miss talking to her everyday. I want to go out for food, have a few laughs... even a little massage (but no more than that). I also thought about how I would feel if she was seeing another guy (very real possibility it's happening right now since I wasn't meeting her physical needs). I would be slightly jealous... but not over the top.

Is it possible to be friends with her again? Would it be dangerous?

Updates:
met up with my ex today to discuss a web design project she was doing for me. She was cold as ice during the entire conversation. However at the end I admitted that I "really missed talking to her" and I got a little emotional. Weak and effeminite
I know. However she didn't mind still being friends... but said she had awkward situations of being exes in the past. She's definitely moved on... I guess need to move on too. It's hurting me though. Delayed reaction.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The problem is that if you continue to have a close relationship and are both providing each other with that level of intimacy and friendship (I'm not talking about sex here) then it's going to make it very difficult for either of you to find that with someone else. Sadly, losing a good and close friend whom you love is part of a break up, and severing that close tie is how you are able to move on, put those mixed feelings aside and meet a woman who will be able to provide you with a close friendship and who you also find sexually attractive. I'm not saying don't stay friends, but I don't think you can have as close a one as you have now.

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    • thanks.. there is some truth in that.

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What Girls Said 2

  • The thing about love is it's not just physicial or just emotional... It's both.
    It's harder to get over an ex when you have an emotional bond with them rather than just a psychical one. I know it must hurt to have to let go of someone and start all over, but you have to. My advice is to talk to her, tell her how you honestly feel. I say this because it'll make moving on easier. I do not believe you should get back together because there isn't much attraction. You love her sure, but maybe it's just that memory that's haunting you. You remember the good times, the laughs, the way she made you feel... But you can't have Relationship based on memories.
    If You want to be friends, you can be! But only once you've moved on. Give yourself some distance, then if you're still interested in her friendship call her up.

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    • thanks. Yeah our minds have a way of purifying the past to make everything look pretty. Hate that in situations like these. I was actually relieved when we initially broke up... then I had a delayed reaction and realized what a huge part she was in my life. Then thing is she doesn't care about being friends me anymore. I can tell... she is ice cold. However it did feel good to her how I felt tonight.

    • Telling her how you felt just took off all the drama and doubt you could have had.
      Now you won't spend nights wondering ‘what if’ because you know.
      That delayed reaction was probably the purifying memories kicking in. But her being ice cold could just be her way of defending herself. She might not want to be in a relationship with you, but there's no way she got over you so quick.
      It won't hurt forever, you'll be able to move on, it'll just take some time.

  • No I don't think you can be friends, she will probably want more. It's not fair to her, let her move on to somebody who's crazy about her. You're being selfish

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What Guys Said 1

  • Its possible to be friends again, things might be awkward at first, or she'll think you want her back. Just make your motives clear and hope for the best

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