How Do I get Over Him? (We had a great time until his true colours started to show...)?

My partner of two years broke up with me nearly 3 weeks ago now. He was 13 years with a son and is also a "man in blue" We met through dancing and were put in the same performance group and that's how things between us kicked off. We has a rocky start due to his previous ex hanging around. She backed off but the problem with OTHER women was never resolved because he is the kind of person who loves attention, yet I wasn't allowed to have male friends. The relationship plummeted as his drinking problem, mentally abusive tendencies and double standards started to show, he would start arguments over me being too quiet or not smiling enough. Anyways it was the last straw for him when I got angry with him for ditching ME cooking HIM dinner so he could go to a party so he dumped me, it left me heartbroken & confused. I'm not saying I was perfect because we have had some major arguments in the past and I have taken responsiblity for my mistakes, but everytime he made one he refused to own up to it. The day we broke up he suggested writing a list of issues we have about one another, I wrote pros and cons. He read the issues I had with him and he said absolutely nothing. The rest of our time together was spent talking about me and my problems. (My age, lack of experience, my being self conscious, the fact he comes from a loving family and I barely have any family - the family one; I have no idea how that's my fault.) It looks as though he's already moved on and looking at dating again, going by the fact he has made a Facebook account with flattering pictures of him (when he was 20kg lighter) which is something he said he would never do. I still love him because of the sweet man he WAS, we had some really great times together but what the hell? He was this terrible towards me and I still can't get over him. He made me love him and now it feels like I'm the only one suffering. And what do I do about us being in the same dance group? (Although he will probably be favored)


Most Helpful Guy

  • You get over him by realizing that he was probably the worse thing for you... Read about narcissism, I personally think that cops have to have a deep rooted and heavily concentrated level of narcissism in them to do the job they do. Not all, but most are very self centered and righteous, it's their job. Trust me, I just escaped a narcissist of 25 years and it wasn't until after a left that I realized how badly she screwed me up when it comes to healthy relationships. You will never find your self worth through another especially a narcissist, they suck the self worth out of you through dehumanization and control while humiliating you with the things they do. Then in the same breath control you by dictating you won't do anything like they do... The control and dehumanization you are talking about is so destructive to a persons self worth, run as fast as you can and thank God that He freed you...

    • It's funny you say that, I was reading up on signs of narcissism and emotional abuse yesterday... basically everything it talked about described him perfectly. He was so kind and caring and generous to start off with and that's how everybody sees him, even to this day. But when you peel away the layers and get to the core like I did, he was an absolute prick. I saw a different side to him that nobody knows about, constantly putting himself on a pedestal and talking as though he was the best thing since sliced bread, but on the other hand always putting me down.. After he broke up with me he still expected us to be friends and go to this workout class together once a week but what for? So he can feel better about himself knowing we are on "good terms"? He did this with his last ex and look what happened. It's like he doesn't want our acquaintances knowing what he's really like, as long as I'm around nobody will think differently of him.

    • Thanks by the way for your input, I appreciate it a lot.

    • True Narcissist, lure people in then when they have them hooked they start the abuse and isolation form others. It's a good thing you are free... Consider yourself really lucky it wasn't longer and worse...

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What Girls Said 1

  • You need to either leave the dance group or fake it till you make it. Once you've been faking it for a while, it'll seem second nature to you and you won't even notice.

    Since you mentioned his "mentally abusive tendencies" you should take this relationship and break up as a learning experience and leave it in the past. You should see it for what it really is. You love him for what he WAS, and thats not going to fit in this PRESENT.

    Move on by keeping yourself busy or finding someone new.


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