I messed up really bad, but he still forgives me?

Back in March last year I started looking up how to cheat on my bf of 3 yrs. & I felt bad that I'd look it up because I did love him to death, but I was going through a very dark time and everything was just confusing.. then in Oct I started sexting the one person he always begged me not to talk to, his brother, because he always tried to steal girls away from him. I did it at first as a joke just to mess around with his bros head, but eventually I came to really like the attention and I wanted to sleep with him. but I never went as far as to see him in person because I couldn't bring myself to meeting him in person or doing that to my bf. time past and he didn't know anything, it only lasted about a week. Then by April I developed a crush on a childhood friend, but that didn't go anywhere and my bf found out and forgave me saying "it's normal to wonder what could of been, what's important is to leave it at that." And by may I had a crush on a coworker and started to really want to cheat on him, I was telling people we weren't together anymore and my bf had no idea, I told friends that I was already cheating on him even though I wasn't yet, and they gave me their support. one day he came home in the middle of the night and found out about the last crush I had and woke me up to confront me, I told him that that was over and I was sorry it even happened but that there was nothing else. then the next day he found out what I told other people. Then after he found out about his bro cause he started looking stuff up and spying on me. and even after it all and that I kicked him out for a month, he still loves me to death and wants 2 forgive me for everything and move on, he doesn't even act mad, says he's just upset and disappointed in me and feels betrayed. And even to this day he found out I had tinder (I only wanted to make new friends) but he said you don't make friends there it to meet guys.
But says if I hangout with a guy or anything, its 100% over

What do i do?
  • accept that he's willing to forgive me and try and mend/fix our relationship?
    Vote A
  • leave him cause I'm a total bitch and he's the most amazing guy for being the way he is right now.
    Vote B
  • take a break from each other, let things sit, and see if he's as patient as he says..
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly, I personally went through something similar. And it hurts. Just, be honest with him. Tell him the whole truth about everything. It might be hard at first to come clean, but in the end it's going to make him feel a whole lot better and less betrayed. He might leave for good if he finds out everything. But at the moment I don't think that you have anything left to lose. He's willing to give you a chance, and mend your broken ties, religion or not, it's not even a question of self-esteem. He might just be an idiot, or he sees something in you worth all the investment that you don't see in yourself.

    I say go for broke, tell him straight up everything, don't beat around the bush. And if you really do love him? Make damn sure you never do this to him, or any other man again. Cheaters never prosper.

    Personally I think you're lucky he still cares enough about you. Im the one that cheated on my last relationship, and she gave me chances to come clean and I think things would be much different if I had. But instead, I was a coward, and she kept finding more stuff out without looking. Everything ends up being known eventually. If I could take it all back and be honest with her, I would. But now I have no choice but to move on. And you might as well, but if that's what you choose? At least tell him instead of leading him on and messing with his mind.



Most Helpful Girl

  • You need professional counseling. Clearly you're obsessed with other guys. Either that, or you got together too darn young and you want to live more before settling down.

    Either way, you need to make some self appraisal decisions right away!


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What Guys Said 3

  • he is definitely in love with you on some level but its seems like you're not really into a relationship with him. you should break it off before one of you leaves with a significant amount of baggage

  • You don't love him as much as you love freedom. And he's probably afraid to leave because he may have a hard time meeting another woman. I say end things.

  • In a way you've got what you deserve: a guy with no self-esteem, the beta of the betas, a mate that your friends are probably laughing behind your back about you for having. How pathetic must he be to put up with all this? I'm just being honest here. At least before you did all this, his super-beta-ness may have been hidden. Now no one's in any doubt.

    Cheating never pays. Either you lose your lover, or you find out he or she is basically desperate/self-hating/etc.

    My avdice. End the relationship. Work on yourself.

    • He's never had a confidence issue, and still doesn't. He just apparentky as from what he's said, loves me enough to be willing to give our relationship another try. 2 years ago he was flirting with another girl because I treated him like shit for 4 months straight, so he thought it was about to end and I was gonna leave anyway. But then I found out and felt similar to how he feels now.. I don't know if he's giving me this chance because he fucked up once too, or if we're both nuts.. I really do love him, 9/10.. but that one point missing is that I've been with him for so long and never got to experience anything else.

    • Show All
    • But that's the thing, he knows he can get other girls with ease, as soon as it became public knowledge that we weren't together, they started swarming him like flies, some girls started asking him if he wanted to hook up, others were sending him pictures and everything. But because of his ethics and his religious views, he believes that it can be forgiven, no matter how hard it may actually be on him. I have no self esteem, it's starting to be built because I notice people noticing me again like when I first started dating him..

    • Thats arguably even worse. Religion teaches low self esteem. But it's possible he doesn't even do enough self-reflection to have sefl-esteem low or high.

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