Is going "No Contact" the best way to get over being dumped by your girlfriend?

My girlfriend left me for the third time. I mean, big production- lived together with her and two kids (11 and 9). I was good to them and we were very close. GF and I had great sexual chemistry and have been together since 2008 with a year and a half apart when she came back and moved in. Now she moved out again after being together for a year and 8 months. She said that her feelings have been " squashed" and she was leaving. Wouldn't go to counseling to try and work it out because she said she had wanted me to for months. Didn't want to just go with my timeline. She just basically turned off her switch and became distant and cold. I had a ring but never asked her to marry me and she brought that up. But one thing she kept saying was that the way she loved me was never enough for me. Anyway, I am crushed but have been no contact for almost two weeks. My daughter did tell me she cried and had to leave when she was packing her stuff. I feel like this no contact way is the only way I will be able to heal and eventually move on. But God, do I miss her and love her.
I am their ex step dad but we weren't married. I am seeing the boy today ( without my ex) for the first time since she left. Just going to tell him how great he is, how much I love him, and if he ever wants or needs to he can always call me.


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What Girls Said 1

  • She left you 3times, sounds like she needs to get a grip on life! Its not fair to you or to her kids that she keeps dragging you all threw this! I've been married and divorced and it ruins most people, but you have to be the grown up about it all, no contact seems like the way to go but its not always the best option. She sounds like she has some self-esteem issues she needs to work on. Maybe your not perfect either, maybe you didn't show her how much she ment to you, maybe she didn't do that either. Its good you can be there for the kids, specially if they dont have a normal father figure in their life, but what happens when mom moves on to the next guy?

    • Great post. I have/had a great relationship with the kids. They do see their dad every other weekend. It really blew most people we were close to away that she left. ( she still has all of her stuff in garage though) I have been cool about that. I mean before she left she had just written me a card how she loved me and wanted to work everything out and be partners for life. .. The obvious but not so productive questions plague me like how can she not miss me and not sad, etc. Maybe she still has scars that her mom died suddenly when she was 23 and her husband after being together 13 years left her for a younger woman (that was 6.5 years ago. She always said I made her feel safe, sexy, loved, secure, funny, etc.

    • It sounds like the kind of situation Im in to be honest... she's in love with you but terrified of getting TOO close because anyone she has ever been that close with has left her in some way. Her husband, her mom, obviously her mom wasn't leaving her on purpose but I see why she would be upset over that. I was that woman once, and one guy changed everything for me, he proved he would stick it out, when I finally came around, he ran... seems silly but it happened. I hate to see kids in the middle of anything and Im glad that they have both you and their dad, makes it more stable. If you make her feel all those things she shouldn't be worried about you running away. She needs to get over the ex huband, he is long gone and isn't able to hurt her anymore. She needs to figure out life right now, sounds like she knows what she wants but just is scared of it crashing and burning around her. If you still love her and want to be with her, show her your there, even if its just as a friend.

    • Thanks for input. That is a thought provoking idea. But she is going through all the steps of bailing. House is cleared moved into her dad and step mom's house. Now at no contact she sends me these mixed message texts. No, I can't wait for her any more however excruciating it is. She lost a great thing in me/us but I'm not even so sure how much she cares really.

What Guys Said 1

  • If those kids weren't there, no contact would be best. Now there's a responsibility towards them. Meet with your ex and discuss all of it calmly, no kids present. Are you the kid's dad or their ex-stepdad?


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