We were together a long time. I want her back but I don't know what I should do?

I was done. Marriage was in the works. we just were waiting for the right time we didn't feel we were quite ready yet. We moved to a place neither one of us wanted to be but it was best for my career at the moment. We had had problems like anyone but I had made up my mind to work it out and grow up. I hadn't been in a relationship like that there were a lot of things I was learning. I was willing to work out anything. I was torn between her and a career I've worked so hard for and didn't go right away. I thought a short space would be good for both of us to clear our head. I knew real quick I wanted to be with her. She left wanting to be back near family and ended up dealing with some heavy personal stuff... trying to figure herself out etc. She jumped into a relationship within a month of being back. It didn't last long. We briefly reconciled and she was talking about how much happier she already was. I had been there a lot for her with what she was dealing with. I couldn't be a jerk and just bail, we had too much. It was clear feelings had not changed. She apologized for how things had gone done etc... she was clearly confused and not right though. She went back to the other guy, an old boyfriend soon after. He's there and rather clingy from what I was told. He posts about them and all that but she never does. She can see it with me but cares for him. I didn't handle the rollercoaster well and I know it pushed her away. When the things she was saying took a different tone I chalked it up to that. I disappeared, got myself together... even went on several dates. I honestly don't think she knows what she's doing. She's even said "I'm a girl I don't have a clue". I believe forgiveness is love. I was forgiven when I was an idiot (no cheating) and I would forgive her. We haven't talked like we were in a while. I've tried to be a ghost and give space. I can't believe those things just change like that. I can't be a ghost forever right?

Updates:
It would be kosher to reach out in the appropriate manner i. e. not desperate and crazy at somepoint right? Either way I do care about her.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like you need to move on. She stays around you because of the history you have together (I am going through the same thing actually, maybe you should check my last question and tell me what you think, and then take your own advice ;)

    Like you guys just sound like my bf and I. together fo ra long time and we are comfortable together we love each other. he had an emotional affair. i'm trying to figure out how to deal. do i stay or should i go? I would tell you to forget about her and move on.. so I guess i should take my own advice.

    what would you tell me? you should take your own advice too

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    • Honestly? I would say if he's willing work it out. Only if he's truly about it. Too many people just give up without ever saying anything or trying.

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    • and yes i agree the fact your girlfriend has been with someone else maybe indicates you should move on but I really know how you feel. it's very hard to move on. my bf and i broke up many times in the past and we always go back to each other because its all we know

    • Give it a little time. Don't panic or push him away. That will definitely kill it haha. Try to relax and reach out calmly after a couple weeks

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Tell her how you feel and ask how she feels. That's all you can do. Everything changes, nothing is constant.

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  • Tell her how you are feeling. Guy's never really tell girls how they are feeling and girl's are usually pretty open about their feelings so talk to her say you want to give it another chance because you still love her and tell her what you are willing to do to be in a relationship with her. then ask her what she's thinking and if she doesn't have an answer right away give her a week or a few days to think about it..

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    • I've done that. She knew that before we reconciled briefly. It's just so f$&king hard to accept and move on I guess.

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    • Thk you for the kind words. Maybe it's just time. I know pushing got me nowhere. And I hated being a desperate needy mess... not me. at least I snapped to that and cut it.

    • Well I hope things work out one way or another. Good luck with it. (:

What Guys Said 1

  • Hey i'm sorry i dont have any advice but i would like to wish you the best of luck, It really isn't nice breaking up with someone you have been with for a long time. I've never been in a relationship but in the past i have been seeing girls etc... and when they don't want things to go further it is a massive blow! So i mildly know what you are feeling and it wasn't nice, so i feel for you bro!

    Good luck!

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