Ex mind games? How can I deal with this?Am doing my best not to contact her after she broke up with me few weeks ago (1.5yrRS)?

just texted her twice since, but didn't beg nor asked for second chance, just went through the shock myself the first few days, and trying to find myself since.

But she initiated contact twice as well , and I do reply, and its really hard to, but I want everything to be straight forward, but I know she will never give me the answers. She doesn't know what she wants, she kept giving me answers like, "I don't know whats right, I have doubts, Iam scared from this, I might regret, so I need time to decide later if I want this." And that made me feel am being played with.., feeling like a man with no dignity, keeping me as a spare tire until she gets what she wants, then throw me away.
I was really good to her, stood up for her, very loyal and extremely honest, and I gave her all the trust left of me that I sacrificed the things I valued, and I was planning for an engagement soon, unfortunately maybe these were somehow the reasons pushed her away, by giving her too much affection, importance and assurance.

Some says that doing no contact is not a mature thing to do nor a mentally strong thing and somehow I agree, but its not fair that she still texts, while she's the one asked for this, I think it is quiet selfish by acting as if the break up wasn't a big deal, and asking things for her own benefit, but I do end the convo politely after I answer her, and thats where I feel Iam being used to fulfill her emotional gap or attention or tell her things she wants to know after she asks how I'am, showing that she cares, while its excluding me.

Friends and family keeps telling me move on, but its not easy as they think, cause I still love her, so I stopped seeking advice from friends or family is that they may not be totally impartial as they also don't like seeing me hurt.

In my opinion if she did truly love me, she wouldn't asked to break up and should've just asked for space, even though we are doing LDR for a year, but its no excuse, cause iam into this too.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • With all my years of wise experience with relationships And----LDR-------the old saying still holds true: Just because you break up, doesn't mean it's "Goodbye, my love." And there is Still another old saying too: "Can't live with em, can't live with out em," and I see your 'EX' is No exception to my golden rule of remembering...
    Although you both have split, as strange and as 'Not fair' as it seems, many couples find that although they are no longer hooked at the hip, they have this 'Missing' link that is Still Attached to them, the old memories, just everything that brought them up to the point of instead 'No return'----A Return. But many times it's for friends with or without benefits, and of course, always a chance to rekindle a candle once again.
    It was most likley the 'LDR' that got her 'playing' games, It truly Does, for I know from my own personal experience, takes two people to keep it together, and of course patience and understanding and loyalty and-------compromise. I won't lie, it's hard, but can be done. Apparently, in the end, it was one sided and it was You who was doing all 'too much attention, importance and assurance.'
    If you find you are not emotionally able to handle this 'friends' factor, then it might just be 'Fair' of you to tell her straight out that this kind of Communication and 'Showing that she cares, excluding me' isn't for you, and that it would be best to move on like two ships in the nite. By doing this, you are showing Both 'Maturity' And honesty. I myself would refer to you as'Noble' and 'mentally strong.'
    You say you still love her, and by keeping the contact going, is only going to hurt you more, possibly give you mixed signals that could Occur, and bring you full circle to where you were before the break up.
    This friends factor is not for everyone. Maybe it's not for you. Do some serious soul searching. It's your call, your choice. You're a free agent now, doing this for-----Your own benefit.
    Good luck. xx

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    • I really appreciate and respect your opinion :)

      But let me ask you smth according to LDR.. What would you do, if you go into depression for more than 5 months.. and loose feelings and interest for your love that long.. ?

      When she left a year ago, I went through this.. but I never showed her, because I cared, and I knew deep inside me that I love her... and kept telling myself, its just a phase that ill go through, and it will be back again.. and I got it back when i felt I might loose her for how miserable I was.
      but then things turned around.. but the only difference she wasn't depressed, and yet she gave up on me? she had the chance to come and see me.. and we knew that things would get better if she did... but she just didn't ! she chose not to.. and says I need time to decide.. and it looked like she had full control of the relationship.. thats when I knew something is wrong with me.

    • Show All
    • Yes, important is Convo, for sure.. and with open lines of communication a lot can be said, be heard... be decided in the days to follow... xx

    • Thank you, BTW... Glad I could be here for you. xx

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What Girls Said 4

  • Sometimes if you give too much attention to someone they think things are going too fast and get scared. Maybe she does not actually know what she wants. I eoukd recommend cutting her off for a while so she can make up her mind and so she can leave you alone. I would recommend at least for a month.

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  • I am sorry you are hurting over this. Being broken up with stinks.

    A clean break is often a necessary part of the healing process. There is nothing weak or immature about it. When someone hurts you, it's often healthier to stay away and give yourself a chance to recover.

    She broke up with you... you are no longer obligated to be there for her. Especially if communicating with her is painful for you.

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  • I think you should stop being available to her. It's not fair that she just broke up with you and then keeps texting you and making you second guess everything. I really think you should just stop responding to her. She is claiming that she needs time to herself so give it to her. You both just need to step away from each other for a little while so you can each decide what you really want. I know you may love her but if she doesn't feel the same way then you shouldn't be chasing after her. Give her some time and you should take some time to yourself too so you can think about things. But, it's not fair for her to keep jerking you around and I think you should tell her that. Tell her that this isn't fair to you and that you both should take some time to yourselves to figure things out and then maybe talk again at a later time.

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    • You're right, I agree with you.. as I said earlier to Paris13, and what you said now.. I would just not respond and give it time.. and if she's still acting the same way, and not willing to make it work out, Ill tell her that, so I can move on.
      Thank you for your time Honeybee :)

    • Yes, I definitely think that's what you should do. And you're welcome. I hope it all works out for the best:)

  • She probably does love you , ask her why she left you. Maybe she has problems. She texted you because she still cares, there is something there still other wise she wouldn't have at all. She's probably having mixed emotions. Like one min wants to be with you then next don't. I think you should ask her for the truth , be straight forward and say are we going to get back together or no and if she says no then move on. It's hard but you can do it. We have all been there

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    • Well as I said, If I asked her why she left me, she won't be giving me the answers if I kept asking her... the reasons she said were that she was having doubts, she's scared to be with me... her interest level for me has really dropped from how I see it, cause I appeared to her as a weak person, that she can't depend on.. and due to my behavior towards her at our last moments... as it ended up with one side. I don't want to text her again.. If I did, I would feel that am chasing her.. and creating the need for her inside of me..
      Its harder than I thought, but I already went through the grief.. and now am just trying to focus on myself... So maybe if I just gave it a little time, and when am ready to talk to her and get things straight in my hea... I will make things straight forward
      Thank you for your support !

What Guys Said 1

  • My ex who I was with for 4 years and engaged to broke up with me and she would contact me a hell of a lot, though then tell people I was basically stalking her as always messaging her despite her starting it at least half the time. I loved her for a long time after she broke up with me and I was destroying myself staying available for her. She'd get me to fill the emotional gap and enjoyed the power of feeling wanted. I eventually cut all ties and I rapidly moved on after I didn't have her anchoring me to the emotions that were no longer good for me.

    More often than not a relationship doesn't really start up again and those that do often fail again. Tell her you need space to sort your head out, this leaves it open to attempt to talk again if you insist on staying in touch but lets her see you dislike head games.

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    • Dude, am sorry you went through this, but you need to know you deserve a better love life,
      and so do I.

      But thats how most of them are like, you give them love, affection, trust and everything they need to make them feel secure, and end up the one loosing.
      And that taught me a lesson of not taking anyone for granted, depending on and not rushing into relationships, which am not planning to have anytime soon.

      I believe the right thing to do now is, focus on oneself, and finding it.. and start doing the things you missed that were sacrificed.. and get to know who you are again and built up that character you always wanted, and I believe then everything I deserve will come..

      I wish you all the best, we still have a lot a head of us, so lets live it right.

    • Oh I've found a woman who treats me well, understands me and is actually fantastic for me. But that all couldn't fall into place until I cut the ex out. When you are on the receiving end of a break up the best thing you can do is distance from the ex.

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