My ex won't let me move on, why is he doing this?

My ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago because he is dealing with a difficult divorce and is depressed and broke - it was actually kind of mutual, the timing was just bad. Two weeks after the break up, he has been contacting me and meddling a bit, wanting to hang out, invited me to a party, etc. I feel like he knows we can't be together but he doesn't want to let me go. I this is very selfish. Thoughts? And what should I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think he is unsure of his feelings for you as a lover.. He is more focus on himself rather than you... Maybe he just wanted a friend to lean on in times of hardships like that, to forget and try to move on with his life by being with you to take away or mask his loneliness but it doesn't mean he wants to commit or is ready to commit again in relt'p.. and I think it is selfish of him if he doesn't consider your feelings, if he is just doing that to compensate his divorce for his own benefit..

    If I am you in that situation, first I will consider what and how I feel for him..
    If I feel that I'm not inlove and won't fall for him deeply, then I would go out and hang out with him for the purpose of being a good friend knowing he needs someone to comfort in his stressful life (but I won't expect anything love from him in return and I would set boundaries... till he is fully recovered)...
    If I feel that I really love him and will fall for him easily, then I won't go out with him as I don't wanna end up hurting myself again, although I know he needs a friend, but its not fair enough if he won't recognize my feelings.. I will just give him more space and time to recover himself... and he will just come back again later on if he is fully recovered and ready to commit if he really loves me...

    • I will know when I see him this weekend. Honestly, he doesn't talk about his feelings or his divorce, so he never leaned on me. I think he wasn't in the headspace right now and never should have gotten involved with someone. I saw the red flags too so I am just as guilty. He is a damaged person in many ways and emotionally shut off, so this is a complex man. He doesn't know how he feels about anything. He is the type that will want you when he can't have you and not appreciate you when he has you. He doesn't want me to move on even though he knows we cannot be together. So either I can be detached and stay in his life until he sorts things out, or I have to disconnect completely.

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What Girls Said 3

  • You should tell him to leave you alone because you need time to get over him, and that you'd really appreciate it.

    • I don't understand, I have never done this to an ex before. Only once and it was because I really missed him and regretted breaking up wit

    • I know. These things take time.

  • I am in the same exact position. My ex was going through a nasty divorce-she was a serial cheater. He says he had nothing but pure hate for her and what she is doing to their boys. He has very little boys and it is ripping his heart out. He is not emotionally ready for something new, but thought he was. After a little over a month I couldn't ignore the red flags anymore and broke up with him. I felt like I was there for him to lean on, but when I needed something, he was not emotionally capable of dealing with it. 4 days after I broke up, his ex (wife) contacted me saying he has asked her to get back together and she wanted to be sure we were done seeing each other. Of course I broke no contact and let him no I wanted nothing more in this and they needed to leave me alone. I found out from a mutual friend that she had contacted me on her own, supposedly he never tried to get her back and that she's just crazy and making me stay out of the picture-even though she is still with the 2nd man she cheated on him with. We went at it a little by text, he was mad I had unfriended him on FB and then blocked him. ? After that no contact for 2 days-then he sends me a text asking if I wanted a cheap plastic container back. I just said No thanks and now we are at no contact again. It sucks because he truly is a great man and if I would have met him after his divorce was final and his head was on straight I think we would have been together for a very long time if not forever. So I feel ya girl. Just don't have contact with him is your best bet. Let him get his head straight.

  • Oh my gosh I am going through the same thing rn. Honestly it's cause he still has feelings for you. If I were you, tell him that corresponding with you isn't good for either one of you. There's also just not replying to his invitations and texts etc. But then again, it's easier said than done.

    • Much easier said than done. People have said "he doesn't want you he's just trying to control you". Sorry, but the only time I've done this to an ex (maybe twice) is because I still had feelings for him. When you break up with someone and you are done, you avoid them and honestly don't care what they are up to. I think I will have an honest talk with him and see how he's thinking. The problem is that he is just not boyfriend material right now and I will end up getting frustrated. What is your situation?:)

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    • Yeah, he is still holding on. He wants to keep his foot in the door even though he may know that you two are not meant to be together. Sometimes guys want you again when they don't have you or when you move on and are not crying over them. It's very confusing. I would ask him what he's doing and tell him to stop. Or ask him whT his intentions are - he may want you back. Then you will have to make a decision but be cautious...

    • Oh girl I will be haha

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