Need some serious relationship advice boys?

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about two years now. Our first 20 months were long distance. The first 18 months of our relationship, my boyfriend was head-over-heels for me. He treated me with so much love and consideration, at times it was overwhelming. It was really hard for me to fall for him because of all the hurt I had experienced in my past. One by one my walls fell down until I became completely vulnerable and in-love. Then, this past Christmas, he asked my dad to marry me and my dad said yes. All of a sudden, everything changed. He said he just didn't feel right about things and his feelings went away. Now, it is July and the change started in January. He told me now he loves me deeply still, but sees me more as a sister now. I told him we haven't done anything romantic in months, and this is his first relationship; don't base your decisions strictly on feelings. I tried to share with him how love is so much more than feelings, it's about commitment and selflessness. Feelings usually follow actions, and I said maybe we should try to do romantic things and see if that helps. I was ready to marry him even though he is going into the military after he graduates college. I was completely sure and happy to be with him. I am not sure how I can help him during this tough time. He is so confused right now as to what to do, and he WANTS his feelings to come back, but he can't force them to. If anyone can offer some advice, I'd very much appreciate it! What can I do to help, and what should I avoid doing? I'm not ready to throw the towel in yet, boys.

I'd very much appreciate a man's serious advice!

Thanks boys!
by romantic i dont mean physical bc he still desires me, I mean emotional.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, for starters, guys do not remain in committed relationships with women who they view as their sisters. Also, real feelings do not dissipate suddenly and swiftly. However, one's perspective and opinion can.

    Therefor, I believe that, after pursuing your father's acceptance to marry you and the act of proposing to you, he, after coming to terms with his decision and the arduous effort and sacrifice a marriage requires, simply chickened out and thus had a change of heart.

    And, as such, he stated that his feelings for you changed to justify his decision, and to avoid the imposition and complications of explaining his reasons to you and perhaps to your father.

    With regards to his feelings for you, I personally feel that his feelings for you are unmoved. He seemingly just does not want to reveal that he still cares, but simply no longer wants to marry at this particular juncture in his life.

    So, with your best interest in mind, my advice to you is, convey to him that you want to be with him whether he marries you now or in the future when he is completely certain and ready. That is, if you are willing to wait.

    • So you are saying his fears changed him and he needs to not be afraid anymore?

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    • If you have conveyed your position to him, then that's about the extent of your reach. Especially since he is not being honest and forthcoming as to his issues. Again, express your support and the window in which you are willing to wait. Then allow him the space and time to make his decision.

    • okay, ill give him more space

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What Guys Said 2

  • "He told me now he loves me deeply still, but sees me more as a sister now"

    this is the key sentence here. he is not romantically in love with you but has more of a platonic love. Love IS about feelings. The commitment and selflessness are only behaviors but they can be attributed to all kinds of love (parental love, familial love, romantic love, friend/platonic love). clearly he is committed to you and clearly there is an amount of selflessness he feels but if he doesn't feel romantically attracted to you the relationship will not go anywhere.

    • he feels physically attracted, just not emotionally. Like he still desires me.

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    • I know this is going to sound bad but I think you two are probably over as a romantic couple. I think he is afraid to be single or afraid to hurt you so he is trying to rationalize himself into staying in the relationship. he is essentially trying to force himself to conjure and have feelings that he doesn't have

    • The only reason/thing wrong ishe isn't emotionally attracted anymore. He still loves hanging out with me & doing physical things.

  • Absolutely do not marry this guy. He's not into you as much as you are into him, and you deserve more.

    • thanks, but it used to be the opposite. He wanted to marry me and I wasn't interested.

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    • He said his feelings went away. I don't know any other way to interpret that.

    • That feelings come and go. If they were there before, they can come back again.

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