How does he feel about me? Very confusing?

****Don't bother telling me to move on or asking him how he feels (he always answers indirectly). I have tried everything. He is my morphine I guess. I just want to know how he feels.****

Friends for three years. He kept asking me out, I kept turning him down, finally I snapped and accepted. Dated for four months. He was always busy but we both tried. He broke up with me because he was way too busy (it wasn't an excuse. I saw how tired he was). He was acting distant, I asked if we should break up BUT told him I didn't want to. His reply? I think so.

Acted cold to all of us at work (I work with him). I told him that I missed him in person, he said "okay". Texted him how I felt. No response. Next day, I avoided him. He saw me and had a huge smile. Friend tutored me at a table, ex showed and sat with us (ex usually sits at that table). He kept smiling and laughing at everything I said. Waited until everyone was gone before giving me a b-day gift. Kept the sticky note I gave him when we were crushing, telling him to have a horrible day without me.

Summer school - Acted weird. Wouldn't look at me in the eyes. Would say hi and another thing and then get quiet. Would mumble and had a sad tone. Would catch him glancing a few times.

Recently: I asked him what would he do if I avoided him (I know, stupid question)
Here:"Me: How would you feel if I avoided you?
Him: With my hands.
Me: That doesn't make sense.
Him: I believe your decisions are up to you, not to me.
Me: I was just wondering. I won't actually do it.
Him: I don't care either way "

Last note: My friend asked him (without my permission) on my birthday how he felt about me. Ex said he had to go even though they were talking for a while. (Ex also stayed after school on my birthday in our area, something he never did except when we were dating).

Updates:
Friend asked ex again in early July.
Friend: You still have feelings for her (me)?
Ex: (Hands deep in pocket, huge smile) Of course I still love my mother!
Friend: No seriously, do you still like her (me)?
Ex: I feel this question, bye!
HE IS NATURALLY COLD AND THE BUSY SERIOUS TYPE> HE LIKES HIDING HIS FEELINGS

2|1
912

Most Helpful Guy

  • I have read the responses and it seems clear to me that he is looking for signs. This dancing around the subject seems to be both he and yourself dancing around mutual interest in each other, but both staying guarded and walking on eggshells.
    Perhaps he, yourself, or both of you have a helplessly romantic view of life, and are awaiting a time place and occasion when feeling become easily shared. Unfortunately, life in modern times is seldom as easy and quick as the 2 hour cinema.
    It seems to be a situation where he doesn't have a clear idea how this works. Thankfully in the modern era, women are no longer tied to waiting helplessly by the phone and hoping "the one" will call. Now you can pick up the phone and call as well.
    Ask him to accompany you on something relatively harmless. I recommend shopping, or to a movie, or to a matinee, or some low pressure social occasion. Don't come armed with pointed questions. Learn the male language... compliment and use "we" and "us" .. Many women talk to males as they do the female friends and it doesn't turn out well.
    Many guys don't like to focus on "feelings" as much as simply enjoying each other's company. I think if you give him a large dose of fun together, you will be able to determine how he truly feels without asking him.

    Try it and see...

    7|4
    0|0
    • My ex is looking for signs?

      Interesting. We have break in four weeks. I will ask him to hang out with me :)

      THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR DEEP INSIGHT :)

    • This part spot on "both he and yourself dancing around mutual interest in each other, but both staying guarded and walking on eggshells.
      Perhaps he, yourself, or both of you have a helplessly romantic view of life, and are awaiting a time place and occasion when feeling become easily shared"

Most Helpful Girl

  • For Three years, you both have been friends, and I don't imagine it was as 'Weird' as when you Both had started dating... With this, I mean his uncanny, distant behavior now. I------Feel this.
    Ever since you had dated, he hasn't been this 'Friend' in the same way. Maybe he felt after the fact that it was Awkward, breaking it off with his 'Busy' excuse, which you said you bought and believed. But he thought it best anyway...'I think so...'
    Perhaps he Still has feelings for his Ex, and still hasn't gotten over her. One thing is for sure, he doesn't want to talk to your friend about you. He may have these 'Hidden feelings' for you, as well, Combined with the ones he may still have with his Ex. But being this Cold fish, he is not only the 'Busy serious type,' he is this sort of guy who keeps his heart at arm's length. May be 'Very Confusing,' but not so hard to figure out...
    Remain his friend... business as usual...
    Good luck. xx

    2|0
    0|0
    • Im his ex

    • Show All
    • Thanks

    • You're so very welcome.. xx

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • Sounds like he doesn't care to let you know how he feels. He sounds like a conquest kind of guy. After three years of pursuit he finally got what he wanted from you and probably feels bad at how he is acting but feeling bad about it still won't make him change his mind. You were enough to date and be with for a few months but not enough for him to marry. When a guy decides that the relationship is pretty much over even if everything seems happy.

    3|1
    1|0
    • He is not the conquesting type. I have known him for years.

  • I don't think even he knows how he feels. He might think you don't like him and that makes him unsure of his feelings for you. If you still have feelings for him, ask him out again, if not, he'll eventually lose his for you.

    4|0
    0|0
    • He knows I like him. He askeed me out the first time.

    • Show All
    • I think so

    • Thank you :)

  • in my opinion he is conflicted emotionally.

    He doesn't want to lead u on b/c he feels he isn't ready for a relationship , but still has feelings for you... but doesn't want to be just friends with you.

    This is why get is acting so confusing.

    3|0
    0|0
    • Interesting. I was thinking about asking him to hang out during break with me, do you think I should?

    • Show All
    • Well I make it very clear I still like him.

      Lol I don't think it would surprise me.

      Thanks!!!

    • You're welcome. :)

  • Yeah he is very confusing and he does act hot and cold. And he does seem to hide his feelings and how he is feeling. Since you guys been friends for so long, I think with time maybe you guys may get back together if the friendship can last as long as it can.

    2|0
    0|0
  • He can't seem to give a straight answer even when he knows exactly who your friend is talking about. hat's so weird. I haven't the slightest idea how he feels, but he must like you in some way or he wouldn't do what he does. So side question to you. What made you all of a sudden decide to go out with him? The reason I ask, is there is this girl I really like and we actually went out a couple times, but the timing was really bad on it. It has been almost two months now and I think she has moved on to a better place. I was thinking about asking her out again, but I don't want to be that guy. She told me she had feelings for me but really bad timing. I just don't want to make things uncomfortable but I feel like if you don't ask, you might be missing out. So I was just curious to see what made you change you mind on your guy?

    2|0
    0|1
    • He would not l

    • Show All
    • Yeah it could be, but I don't think it is. I personally think he would have said something to the friend if that were the case. But I definitely don't know that for sure.

    • He doesn't like me.

  • Keep in mind this is just an opionion, I think he moved on. No Guy breaks up with a girl because he is too busy... you make time! I just back back in to the dating game after being in a relationship for 2.5 years... I can tell you we didn't break up due to lack of time. Im 22 years old, I own a house and I keep it spotless. I do everything for myself, I work 50 hours a week, help my parents on the weekend or work on one of my vehicles (hobbies)... clean my house. I workout 6 days a week aswell heavy lifting sessions, so the fact that he has no time is total crap... I did all this and still cooked my girlfriend dinner on the weekends and took her out or spent time with her. Granted I only saw her on the weekends... but its pretty difficult to spend a lot of time when you're not living together. Honestly I know you don't want to hear this but this guy sounds like a total asshole, move on I can tell you from experience there a ton of other better guys that will treat you like a queen I know this because im a guy whom treats the girl he loves like a queen... they do exist!

    Bottom line if you love someone you will make time no matter what!
    If you love someone, truly... deeply... you will tell the other person how you feel about them. 4 months dating with this guy than he blows it off. Sounds to me like when the emotional connection came from you and you really started to love this guy and think about the future he got nervous and left.

    Bit a story but my opinion.

    0|0
    2|0
    • Try having a lot of college classes, advanced high school classes, a job, and chores.

      Then you will understand.

    • Show All
    • I would have to agree with this post. Only one problem with it. You didn't mention for how long you'd stay in a challenging relationship even when you love them. I'm curious to know.

    • @neurolove I know the asker and she said she would stay for a few months.

  • Why did you keep turning him down when he kept asking you out?

    2|0
    0|0
  • He's playing the hot and cold game. It's majority of the reason why you're even attracted to him. You're seduced by his contradictions.

    It's tough to say if he likes you or likes the attention he's receiving from you but I guarantee you that your feelings for him is immensely greater than what he has for you.

    His strategic words on play and "know what to say or to even say it" game keeps you guessing and is attempted to make you go crazy.

    This is all real, I've read it in a book titled "The Art of Seduction". He's playing the role as a coquette. Which is French for a teaser.

    To answer your overall question. He's manipulating you.

    5|1
    0|0
    • This, 1000000 times this ! What he's doing is very textbook and girls, you may not agree with it but it works. The plus side is that not every guy has the discipline/patience to pull it off.

    • Show All
    • That doesn't make sense. If a guy was toying with her, he wouldn't have kept the note.

    • wow, is this like the ultimate game or is he really trying to win the girl with these tactics?

  • ok well when a guy is going hot and cold on you its because he either likes you but can't deal with his own shit or he is now messing with you because he is being spiteful or somewhere along the lines of that. or he is just bored, highly doubt this one though. maybe you should try being more straight forward with him and sort of demand an answer since you already kind were straight with him. and then if he gives you more bullshit then don't put up with it and just ignore him and he may come around, and if he does then talk to him but make it clear if he is gonna be a immature little shit then you're gone.

    2|0
    0|0
  • A woman’s mind can be a pretty confusing place.

    One minute they're searching for signs, and the next, they want something more definitive. The problem here is that we’re not even that sure how definitive “definitive” is.

    We could be over analyzing and dissecting every single gesture or word he says, and yet we still can’t figure out why he hasn’t returned a call.

    Nothing is ever clear-cut when you’re just speculating on whether someone genuinely likes you or not. But unwittingly, a guy may do little inconsequential things that seems like a huge red flag or a sign to ladies.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Your ex either likes you and is suppressing his feelings because you're his ex or he's moved on and is no longer interested in you, but will talk to you if you're around, but couldn't really give a single care if you weren't.

    You just have to determine which one it is - if he likes hiding his feelings then this could be what is happening here. You'll probably need to confront him and ask him directly. If that doesn't work then I think you'll have to accept things as they are and start looking to move on.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Greeeaaattt. How fabulous.

    • He may just be apprehensive because you're an ex. Maybe he just needs to see that you are serious about him and that you do like him. I'm pretty sure he was hurt when you split up and he may have his guard up.

      I hide my feelings, I seldom show or tell people how I feel because I'll be honest it makes me feel weak and vulnerable but just because I show a reserved demeanor doesn't mean I don't feel things, it just means I don't show it and if I do show my feelings it's when the woman has shown me that she cares for me deeply and I have built up a level of trust with her.

      That's what might be happening here, you may have to build everything up again.

    • Sounds like a pain in the ass. D:

      I am still going to do it :P

What Girls Said 8

  • He sounds kinda mean... when he ignores you or says he doesn't care, is it in a way which is joking and humorous? Because if not he sounds kinda like a butt, either that or so incredibly shy that his nervousness means he talks to you in a mean way.
    He seems to want to get the point across that he doesn't care much for you, ignoring your heartfelt texts and saying he doesn't care... maybe thats true and he feels really awkward about what happened with you guys before that he genuinely doesn't want a relationship now, and when he sees you he remembers everything from back then and it annoys him, hence his cold attitude.
    Although he DID get you a bday gift... which I find confusing, that seems to suggest he doesn't mean to be entirely cruel, unless everybody at work got you one and he just got one so he wouldn't seem a meanie. Was it a really nice gift? :o

    Overall, he seems like there may be a chance he still likes you, but he's going about it in a crappy and somewhat rude way. :S If he's really bad at expressing his feelings then thats just his way I guess...

    4|0
    0|0
    • It was a jar of my favourite candy :D
      I forgot to mention (thank you for indirectly reminding me) that he is naturally cold and likes answering indirectly while hiding his feelings.

      I don't what he meant in the part where he says he doesn't care.

      I dunno. :P

      THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING!!! I know it was INCREDIBLY long.

    • Show All
    • No :(
      He has college classes everyday after class :( My next shot will be at winter break unless he has to go to that state to visit his grandparents again :(

    • Message me.

  • I won't tell you to get over him or move on, but you still may not like what I have to say.

    Some people are naturally cold. They keep to themselves, suppress their emotions, and do not talk to people. There may be a reason he is not revealing to you as to why he behaves this way. That reason should be left to him until he deigns it is okay to tell you.

    Alternatively, he does not feel the same way for you anymore, and is trying to make you feel hurt so that you will not have the same feelings for him. That is some peoples' way of getting over a break up. It's cruel, I know, but if this is why, it will stop eventually.

    The third possibility is that you brought this upon yourself by being cold to him as well. Sending him a note telling him to have a horrible day? Are you fucking kidding me? you should be ashamed of yourself.

    The last, and probably the most likely, is that he still loves you, and doesn't know what to do about it, so he is giving you the cold shoulder.

    Just some things to take into consideration. Don't try to remedy the situation. You will only make it worse. Keep doing what you do everyday, and the problems should go away on their own.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Uh dude, the note was sarcastic. He knew that. Cause I told him.

    • I have never been cold to him. He knows I can be silly and sarcastic. Though I do appreciate the long answer and will not try to remedy the situations.

  • Seems like he's going through things, just confused. He knows how you feel. You only have to tell him once for him to understand. Just work on yourself and be patient with him. Let him figure out how he feels. Guys will act like that she they don't want to deal with things. He seems to like you but height just be going through stuff

    3|0
    0|0
  • I'm this type of person.
    If I had a penny for all the times I've been called Ice Queen or Stone Princess, I would have enough saved up in the bank to buy a new car.
    This guy likes you... in his own special way.
    Judging his character (which is eerily similar to mine) he simply doesn't want to hurt you. He probably feels like you deserve a guy who is not busy and stuff and can give you the attention you need. He cares for you, just not as openly as most guys in this world would. He's shy too. He apparently needs time to think over his position and try to figure out some things. Don't push him.

    4|0
    0|0
    • Interesting okay.
      In four weeks, we have a vacaition week. Can I ask him to hang out one of those weeks?

    • ask him to hang out one day. Just once and if he accepts, don't push it. Just let him know that you still like him and that if he does like you too, he should just stop sending you mixed signals. Straight forwardness helps in situations like these. for example, i wouldn't know if anyone had a crush on me because i am dense towards anything emotional. he probably isn't even aware of his own feelings yet. maybe he does, but he just doesn't know how to express them.

    • Notice: Do you realize that instead of 'asking' him how he feels about you, I simply said you should just TELL him how you feel and point out that you are confused by his mixed signals.
      He may not even be aware that he is confusing you with any signals at all.

  • It's kinda hmm.. I think.. actually.. he doesn't thinking about you anymore:(
    Ya I guess, sorry about that. But i know he will miss you. And regret. I know man likes him. He'll defiantly miss you. Then, you'll forget him. It's so sad. You'd better forget him. I know it's hard, but you can try! Cheer up!

    2|0
    0|0
    • Oh :( I did apologise to him about the question though.

      Can I ask why you feel like this?

    • Cheering up is hard to do :(

  • This guy really is a puzzle...

    Now I'm thinking two things and it has to be one of them.

    Either he is just a confused bipolar guy that doesn't know how to express his feelings for you.

    Or he's aware of exactly what he's doing and likes to play with both your mind and heart and comes and goes as freely as he wishes because he simply knows that he can and plays you like a puppet.

    Either way i say you're better off without him.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think it really hurt him that you asked if you should break up. Sure he was stressed and tired and couldn't be there for you, and you wanted to quit when it got too hard. Not only were you not there to support him, you blamed him for not being there for you. That's probably how he felt about it.

    Yeah he still cares for you, but now he has good reason not to trust you; what's to stop you from leaving him again if it gets too hard?

    0|0
    0|0
  • okay so basically this is how it is with him he seems indecisive he doesn't know what he wants. he likes you that's clear he's also being really immature about it. I'm not sure your age or his but I think that he's just acting like a teenage boy? If he's going to play games like this i don't think he's worth your time. i understand you like him and you have feelings for him but it seems like he's playing games. Games aren't fun i don't think its worth the hassle. It almost sounds like there was someone else too. not sure.. But i really think he doesn't know what he wants which is why he's so off and on right now. I would stick with friends if anything if he can't communicate his emotions with you like you have with him.

    2|0
    0|0
    • We are both 17.
      He has been hurt in the past so he is pretty careful about it.
      In reference to the "I don't care either way" thing, he hates being pushed about something. He did say it was my choice but I pushed him a bit more.

      I do agree that he is immature and has low emotional development but I am trying to be patient. If he pushes me too far though, well I won't deal with his bullshit.

Recommended myTakes

Loading...