Is this a good thing or is he ready for something else?

things ended really badly with my ex and he was really mean in the end, in a way he had never acted before toward me. people thought of him as such a relaxed guy. we hadn't been officially committed because he was super apprehensive about it since he had only been in one other relationship before (for 6 1/2 years) and I think it was mostly her wanting to end it. I tried to be okay with the casual aspect of our relationship but I wasn't. He was somewhat ok with talking about love, but could only say he liked me and that it was possible to love me. I've really never had a better time or felt so connected to some one, and he helped me through a really hard time in my life. He called me a month ago, but I haven't responded. my friends say he needs to do more. I'm scared he'll just be mean again. what does he want? is this a good thing?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well it's difficult to say what he wants... you'll have to perhaps ask him that directly. I mean this guy can't expect you to be OK with just being a close female friend all your life... somewhere along the line he'll have to wake up and want to actually commit to you. Till then there's no stability, security or assurance. I'd honestly hate that. After a while I'd get fed up and tired of waiting around. In all honesty I think he's spoiled. He manages to catch a good girl like you and likely wants all the benefits of a relationship but then he wants to still have the luxury of not making a commitment to you and having the freedom to act like a single guy. You'll have to really think about this for a minute cause it makes no sense to me. I understand that someone can be slow with love and need time but it sounds like this entire thing has dragged out for a while now and like you are investing more into this than he is. If it's a few months into the dating phase then I'll understand why here's no formal commitment yet but after a few months I'd being to question why a man wouldn't want to actually be in a relationship with me.

    I think you should talk to him and get answers. Ask him if he ever sees a future with you for real and that you want to know what his expectations is for the future.

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    • *begin to question

    • does it mean anything that he called? last time we talked I told him to forget my number, he had been so immature. I asked him during a fight once if it was going anywhere and he said no. yet he said he could love me, and began getting jealous. I just don't get it.

    • Sounds like a case of a guy who doesn't know what he wants... I've encountered a few of these guys in real life too and it usually just ends a huge mess. You can't baby a guy to know what he wants. He should know and go for it. I think you could personally do better but that's just me.

      He could have called for many reasons. He could miss you. Maybe he wanted some attention. It could be many things. Perhaps it's time to talk to each other again and come to a mutual understanding because it sounds like there's some grey areas that need to be cleared up.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • If you can't stay friends with him, get over him as quickly as you can... Robots can help people but can't love... He is bankrupt in his emotional account...

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    • so he can't be with anyone because of his "emotional account"? can't that be something that improves and isn't just "bankrupt''?

What Girls Said 1

  • Well you can't never know what he wants until you speak with him.

    Speak to him. It doesn't hurt.

    But don't play cool, if you are not ok with something. Say your words. This is not just his relationship, this is also yours. I believe nothing can harm you, until you let. So believe in yourself, he will never ever act mean to you again.

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