How do I get over heartbreak about a guy who wouldn't commit?

It has been 3 days since I told my best friend and lover of nearly 1 year that I can't continue with the relationship since I've developed feelings for him and he hasn't for me... or at least he never said he has.

We were extremely close, we've met all of each others' friends and family, in the past 2 months we spend nearly every day together and prior to that we'd see each other at least on the weekends and a few times during the week...

We supported each other in tough times and we know pretty much everything about each other. I never understood why he wouldn't just call me his girlfriend, why he'd say he doesn't want a relationship with me and why he'd still invest so much time and effort into this thing if he never saw us going anywhere.

Now I didn't even get a reply to me telling him that I can't go on like this. I guess it is for the best. But considering how intertwined our lives were, I just feel so much emptiness and loneliness. I can't move and I cry constantly, I can't control it. And I am tempted to try and fix it and go back to him, but I know that it would not change anything in the long run and I'd just feel this misery again sooner rather than later, when I realise - again - that he's just not that into me / not as into me as I am into him.

Help please! Any suggestions welcome :(


Most Helpful Girl

  • As much as this hurt you answered your own question regarding you saying that you never understood why he doesn't want a relationship with you. This should be enough motivation for you to get the willpower to move forward with your life. Keep reminding yourself over this. Every time you replay him and your friendship think about the end conclusion which is that he doesn't have feelings for you. I realize this is painful but you need this to wake up from any hope you may carry. I only say this cause I know the feel. I'm going through something similar where I keep replaying my time with a guy who also didn't have feelings. I keep second guessing... wondering how, why and how come. But then I realize it's totally completely pointless because at the end he revealed he can't commit and give me what I want. There's no "but ". It just is. It's also how it will be in the future. So coming to terms with the reality and realizing it's over for good can be liberating too because you then know you can put this behind you and finally have the courage to say "I"m going to move forward".

    Acceptance is the first key to success. Secondly there needs to be time to grief but also a time to get the confidence back up again and work on your self esteem. This gets overlooked. After a break up or rejection you feel bad about yourself thinking you're not good enough. But when you put things into perspective this is one person who doesn't like you. in *that* way. So what? There's probably guys who you have encountered or will encounter who you also wouldn't have feelings for. It goes both ways. Obviously this doesn't help much but it can be useful to just have another reality check and realize that in the grander scheme of things he doesn't deserve your pain, tears or heartache because he's just 1 guy. Don't put him on a pedestal EVER. Tell yourself he's not that great and nor can he ever be that great if he was willing to let such a amazing, wonderful person go.

    • Thank you for your words, I really needed it. I guess you know how it is - the thoughts that maybe I should have just stuck it out, hung out with him more, given it time. After all, he pretty much lived with me since May - why would he do that if he wasn't into me? I'd never spend this much time with someone who I am not that into... But I know that it was probably just a matter of convenience for him, avoiding boredom, what do I know... And I already felt 'not good enough' all throughout this time, considering that he didn't want to be with me officially and always said that I can just go and find someone else, he wouldn't mind, we'd still be friends... It hurts, hurts, hurts.

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    • Your words are really keeping my spirits up. Whenever I cry or feel like crying the past 2 days I come back to read what you wrote. I can't thank you enough for this!

    • Oh my... well that comment just made my day too. It really means a lot when something I say helps someone. Like I always wonder how good my advice is and it comes from the heart so this means tons. Thank you for telling me. If you ever ever need any help (and don't cry!) please message me any time. I'm on here daily so I can easily message you.

      A friend of mine's bf just left her... they were together for 4 years. So she's also going through a bad time and I'm trying to help her too. So you're not alone in this. Many girls and guys have to fight this battle. Me too.

      Lots of love xxxx

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  • since you know that he doesn't see the future of both of you together in a relationship it is best to let go now then later which is going hurt more. For time being dont contact him. If he isn't your best friend, I would suggest to cut off contact totally. I understand this is very hard and painful right now, but i do believe that time heal most of the things... so stay strong


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