please read it till the end. help. broke up an 1 ago. relationship lasted for 10 months. my ex wants me back. confused if i should get back with her?

My ex and I broke up 1 year and 3 months ago. The reason? Well, I started to feel suffocated in that relationship; although I loved her deeply. She started abusing me & always used to dominate and manipulate me. But I always respected her, loved her and treated like a gentleman. She cared and loved me too, but her negative qualities started to overpower her good things.
So, when she sensed me that the relationship is going to be over soon, she played this drama (I don't think it was real) of gulping down sleeping pills. And everybody in my family and friends suggested me to stay away from her as she could be a real threat to me doing all such stunts. The result, we got separated.
Now after such a long time I still can't seem to forget her. We study in the same college and share the same college bus everyday. So, every now and then we bump into each other. Now, on bad day I got drunk and texted her to talk and she replied positively!
We sat down to talk and I pushed her to talk about what she feels. She broke down and came closer to me and held me tight and asked me not to leave her again (also felt sorry for what she did). We got along again after such a long time. We talked for like 5 days and I backed out again cuz I wasn't having a good feeling. That feeling was really weird. A part of me wants to go with her, while another says no. But I really love her. We didn't have sex in our relationship.

When she started those abuses and all, I really wanted to go away from her. Another thing I want to mention is that people always said that I look much better than her and all. It never bothered me until the time she started abusing and manipulating and dominating me. And I also started to get apprehensive about the fact that once college gets over what's gonna happen to the relationship cuz I never thought long distance is gonna work for us.
I don't what to do now, please suggest me something and help me out!!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I always believe in giving everyone we love a second chance in a bad break up. But from what I am reading and what you are saying, and Just after '5 days'-------I wasn't having a good feeling.
    Go with your gut feeling, sweetie. This zebra hasn't changed her stripes. She's had way over a year to do something about her Abuse and her Attitude, but Evadentally has Failed Miserably... The rest would soon be sure to come... Doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that she's still on another planet, And Not on the same page as you. Your old feelings are beginning to surface with the Signs of 'Suffocation' and the past to follow behind you like a bad drinking binge.
    The kindest thing you can tell her is to seek professional help. She is in desperate need of this and without it, whether it would be with You or some Other 'Gentleman,' she won't change without This. She has emotional issues, is emotionally unstable, and even being in a 'LD' would not only put a wedge between your relationship, for I don't think she could handle it, but put you through Hell on the other side, where ever that would be.
    Don't get involved with her anymore. Move on. Lick your wounds, forget she existed, and cut off all contact with her. It's time to put the past behind you, to Stop being this Respectful, loving, easy going Enabler of a man. She's bringing you down to her level, stomping all over you like her door mat, and even now, if you don't break free Completely, she will try and Play on your heart strings, with God only knows what 'Drama Queen' Act.
    You're asking for Help here. Stay away from her. She won't change without help, most likely won't even Admit she Needs it, and will try and 'Manipulate and Dominate' as she Continues her old ways and Pattern of 'Abusing' You just like the------Good ol' days.
    Good luck... The ball is in your court now. xx

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    • But she really begged me not to leave her again. Another day started in college. Got to see her again. Can't take her off my mind. Ah idk. Probably she has changed?
      Umm one more thing, you mentioned 'she needs professional help'. Went over my head. Put some light please

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    • Hmm.. Thanks for your help :)

    • Many of us have been there, I am no exception to the rule... You're so very welcome... Glad I could help.:)

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What Girls Said 2

  • You should always listen to your gut feeling because 99.9% of the time it's right and if you're getting a weird feeling about the whole thing that's probably your guy feeling telling you to stay away and also if she was abusive and dominating well then she'll never change it's the same with men who have that trait they never change because it's who they are it's not healthy to be with someone abusive and it's not fair personally I think you should stay away but it's completely up to you I just don't think it's the right thing to do

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    • But probably she has changed? She really begged me not to leave her. I don't know what to do. I'm really confused.
      And I'm having this guilt of dumping her twice. Can't live with it

    • No body ever changes not really. After a while she'll go back to her old ways guaranteed. She's begging you not to leave her and to me that seems like she's already being clingy and suffocating again. Get back together with her If you want but you won't be happy and you'll find yourself stuck with her and you'll miss out on opportunities to meet other amazing girls. There are so many red flags popping up here as to why you shouldn't be with her but if you do wanna be with her then go for it. You will regret it though

    • No. She isn't clingy n she never was. She always portrayed herself as a strong woman in the relationship. She used to say if I want to leave I can n that it won't matter to her & all that. But deep down she always wanted me. the 'begging' part she did was probably cuz she might have thought it was her last chance to get me back. As I always had been a good guy to her n agreed to whatever she used to say, maybe that's why she wants me?(a girl is happy to have a guy like me, isn't it?)
      She really kept convincing me tht she will make everything right, that she will love me n give all the happiness (cuz everyone knows I'm getting depressed n can't get things in my mind straight). And that she will help me in the studies for a job & things like this. Yes she does made me laugh too. I miss hugging her. I miss her. All of it.
      I did go out with two girls n talked to 2-3 more to distract myself. Bt I'm bored of it n bored of talking to other girls
      P. s-it was myfirst n only relation

  • I really don't think you should get back together with her. You say she abused you in the past, you felt suffocated, etc. That behavior happens in unhealthy relationships. I get it, you care about her. I've been in a similar situation of being in a rocky relationship and still caring about the person. It's not worth getting back into that type of relationship again. Trust your instincts. You backed out because you had a bad feeling about her. Listen to that. Try to limit your interactions with her and seek out a relationship that is better for you.

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    • Backing out two time on her filled me up with a lot of guilt. I don't feel good about myself at times. I'm in a big dilemma. Just don't know how to overcome this situation. At times feel like getting back with her again. And at other times, I don't. It's really a tough situation

What Guys Said 3

  • Bad idea on every level. I've never seen more red flags. Don't do it.

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  • Hi, you will not respect someone abusing you by being a gentleman. Wanting to be one is fine, but it is not the right moment.

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  • I know break ups are no fun going through since I have been through my share of them. If the break up was caused by others and not the two of you then it could be but other than that I do not believe in remaining friends with an ex. You had more time to get over her than the relationship was. At this point if you try to get with anyone else you may end up ruining the relationship since you still have feelings for your ex. You need to make sure you are over your ex before starting another relationship because it would not be fair to them. I do not see once you are in a relationship with someone how you can then see them as just a friend. The chice is yours to get back with her as friends, bf, gf or go your separate ways.

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    • Yeah. I agree. I don't want to go in any other relationship as I can't stop thinking and imagining me having conversions with her. It's that mind is fucking struck over there. I don't know what to do any more.
      To add more to my miseries, insomnia and depression are making me feel half-dead already!

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