Need help convincing the mother of my child to come back home and that things can work out?

So this woman and I have been together for about 2 years, we had a child together and at first were deeply in love it felt like it was meant to be.
However towards the end of the relationship I had started to become stressed out, I ended up wanting to play video games more than spend time with my family and I had not realized it till it was too late.
She left to stay with her friend and said she needs time to focus on the baby and her.
At first i freaked out called her constantly and made all of the mistakes such as being needy and what not. She says she still loves me but needs space. I giving it to her, last time i saw her and my daughter she found out i wasn't eating and bought me a shit ton of groceries and even hugged me and let me kiss her, In her eyes it looked like she actually enjoyed the kiss i got the same look from her when we used to be affectionate.
However with all of this said im afraid its too late i had been needy for a week straight and im scared i pushed her away for good possily closer to a different man. Someone please help any advice would help. I told her i sell my computer to show her she means more than stupid frikkin video games. She said she would maybe one day try to come back to me and work things out but recently i had tried to get into her Facebook to see if she was talking to another man and she found out it was me. Did that cause my chances of ever having my family back to go away completely?

Updates:
another thing i worry about is after how I've bugged her a week now if i try to talk to her again it will make the last 2 days of space i gave her pointless. Maybe its just better i leave her alone and use the NO CONTACT method?
Last but not least she still has her Facebook set to "complicated" not "single" all of the pictures of her and I are still up is that a good thing? or is she just leaving it at that to keep me from going nuts?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh man, it's really obvious that you think the world of her and that you want her and your daughter back.. I can almost hear your broken heart from here! I suppose the best thing to do is speak with her and ask her where you're at, ask her to confirm that she still loves you and that you're both working towards the same goal: getting your family back together, now, I doubt very much she left for no reason or because you were playing games too often, there has to be more to it than that, so you need to find that out. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, that won help you, your gf or the baby. You need to look at your life as if it is a fresh, blank page. From this day onwards you need to be pro active and positive, if you don't have a job, get looking, if the house and you look a mess, tidy it up, look after yourself, eat properly and show her you are responsible. Then get talking, male sure you see have access to your daughter, let her know how much you want them back and how hard you are willing to work for it... I do hope it all works out for you...

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    • Right now with roomates im working towards saving up for a place, moving in with roomates with my family was a bad mistake but we dont have family to help us and things got rough financially for a while and yes i work. but usually when i ask about when i can see them id get ignored. or told "whenever they aren't busy" and she also told me i was too much of a jerk which i believe is true and i told her how sorry i am. that id try to really change. Also thats why she doesn't believe ill change. probably because I've said it before and went back to being a jerk.

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    • me too, i dont want my daughter suffering the same fate my fiance and i did, coming from a broken family =/ right now I've been working extra hours around 55 a week instead of 40 just to get an apartment for my family i just hope she sees that? since we dont talk at all now and I've left her alone finally. i hope you're all right and that perhaps i am on her mind and she will contact me in a month or so. hopefully she will start thinking about the good times we had and start longing for me after i leave her alone for a while

    • Well done you, that's the best thing you can be doing now - acting like a grown up and doing the responsible thing. If you want to message me feel free :)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • Shape up. Are you still working? maybe that can take an attributing toll so make a informal schedule (a good round about idea) to spend more time with your family.
    As a child I could really just remember the fighting and bitchin' (worse than now), I never spent time with my dad. As a teenager there haven't been a meaningful relationship. Don't let your daughter be caught in all this.
    Sell the games, you need a computer. Suggest coupling counselling or seek help from love ones or friends.
    Ask for her to come back, and just be there not distant playing away on games ok?

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    • I told her at first id change and i was willing to sell the computer thats what i play the games on, and yes i work over nights and i told her id even try a family counselor with her if she wanted and yea

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    • i hope so

    • How did things go?

  • You have to get yourself together and show her that you are not needy but you have to stop and work on yourself first. She feels that because you two have a child together that you should be more mature and responsible. I know you are worried about if she wants someone else but spying on her is not going to help the situation. You need to give her space not just for her, but for you also. Use the time to work on yourself and find something to do to take your mind off of things but not video games, you need to decrease your time playing video games or give it up if it is ruining your relationships.

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    • agreed, and i told her i was going to sell the computer because i dont enjoy the video games what so ever since she left

    • I hope everything works out

  • Wow I think you selling your computer was a huge step in the right direction. You've got to keep making moves to show her how much your family means to you. Even though she says she needs time I think she really needs you to keep showing her that you are the man she needs. Checking her fb sounds like a step back. Trust is significant

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    • its hard to show her anything when she never speaks to me or sees me anymore. the only thing i could do to show i really want my family back is save up and get an apartment but that could take up 2 a few months. by then she might already find someone else if she hasn't already =/

    • also when i was on her fb she was flirting with another guy they were calling eachother "boo" she denied it and say they are just friends and that it was some inside joke, her friend also told me he was infact getting driven to rehab because he was doing drugs. How can i know that its not all a lie to calm me down?

  • dude, fight for your woman's heart and your child! Leave all of that behind and fight for her, even if she fights back a girl/woman always wants her man to fight for them, I really hope you get your wife and your baby girl back! Also communicate with her more don't go towards video games! She's your wife not your girlfriend! Good luck! (:

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    • I've been trying she doesn't reply much and i told her im gonna do everything to make this family work and that things would fall into place in time and that she could trust me. i feel at this point my only option is just give her the space she asked for?

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    • i dont get it i know i made a mistake and all i was upset and desperate

    • Did you tell her how you felt?

  • She needs you to be a man and a father. Ditch the childish behaviour it's a turn off. If you haven't proposed to her do it - she will know you are being serious then

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    • You think that will work?

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    • yeah im gonna give her a few weeks because maybe that will contribute to me showing that im changing because normally i dont give her space.

    • and hopefully she will maybe start to miss me or think of the good times we had

  • First of all calm down slightly. Don't do anything stupid. It sounds like that she really does love you and wants to work things out.
    If you want to contact her to talk without overdoing it and letting her have her space, send her a single text saying that you love her and the baby more than anything and that when she is ready you would like to talk about trying to make it work. This lets her know that you want her back but that you will wait until she is ready.

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    • i may have already done something stupid, by contacting her a wee bit too much, is there a way to undo that mistake?

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    • I don't think that she would be.

    • i hope so, well I've been leaving her alone i deactivated my Facebook and have been working extra hours. hopefully something good comes out of this.

  • So you're saying Facebook ruined your chances of ever having my family back to go away completely? Uh no..

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    • not quite sure i know what you mean

What Guys Said 3

  • You have a kid together, so consider that you have a historical advantage here. Allow me to suggest that you take your first step by getting yourself together well enough to demonstrate that you are the responsible wage-earning and level-headed partner she needs to raise your daughter well. I assume you visit your daughter frequently enough to stay in the picture. Start dressing and behaving like a mature and responsible person and always remain calm and unemotional when interacting with your quasi ex. Don't show weakness by begging to be taken back. You want to project yourself as strong, mature, and reliable. And live that way.

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  • IT may. She's asking for space, you're not giving it to her, so you're not helping your situation at all. You have a right to see your daughter, however. You need to talk to a lawyer.

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    • She said she wouldn't keep our daughter away from me i take her word on that. So for the moment maybe im thinkin to avoid any court stuff with her because i feel it will escelate our tension or whatever this is, and make things worse.

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    • well she was flirting with some other guy on her fb i asked her about it she said they were just friends and that it was an "inside joke"

    • It's possible she's telling the truth, possible she's not. just keep your guard up.

  • Well its obvious that she still loves you and you love her and your daughter so just text her each day and see how she is and how your child is doing them after a few days if your comfortable make a romantic scene like ask her to meet you and buy her something that she loves that only you and her really know about like a piece of jewellery that she said she really likes and make sure to put it on a teddy bear (all girls love teddy bears) then take her back to yours and have a whole romantic time with candles and dimmed lights and cook her favourite food and play her favourite music (as long as it's not heavy metal you will be good) but I hope it works out all right and his luck if you take my advice

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    • hmm i wish it worked out like that, she always says she's too busy which she has been she has been going to WIC and stuff getting financial aid for the baby. but i dont seem to understand how that takes all day 7 days a week

    • I'm not a parent so I don't know much about it but you gotta try and plan ahead for like a day when you know she won't be doing anything but either way you gotta take control because she is your woman and you both deserve each other also think of the kid because it's going to be easier for both of you if you stick together because at the end of the day your child will need you and her mother to be there for her so just ask if you can go over right now to see your little girl so get off GaG and get over there
      Just asking but are you married to her

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