I wasn't official with this guy or anything and he recently broke up with me. He said I'm cute and fun but that things weren't working out because it's not getting any less awkward and it didn't seem like i liked him. I was so angry I said things I shouldn't have but I never called him any names or anything like that and he said sorry and I basically told him to shove it. The thing is guys have broken up with me or whatever for this reason before so it was a big reality check when I tried to desipher what I was doing wrong since I'm repeating my mistakes.
I didn't realize I was doing this since I was a little girl my mom told me guys where just gonna hurt you and I wasn't allowed to watch romance shows as a kid but horror was ok so I guess when I grew up I push guys that I like away and act myself around guys I don't like. Like good things make me feel uncomfortable and bad things make me feel conformable in terms of feelings.
And this guy texted me like 2-3 times a week and basically for dates he just suggested a movie and a dinner and are conversations never really got deep.
Before I blamed this on him but I realize this is the effort he put in when I think about it I put in none. We were seeing each other for 2 months and in that I texted him twice which I'm ok with cuz I feel like until ur dating, the man should text u first and stuff and u just respond but I never responded either. I used to blame him for are conversations not going deep but I never did anything about it either in fact I did less work. I never asked him out or flirted with him and when he hung out I would push him away or not show any signs or interest because I just expected him too. Basically I realize I take but I never give not even to the point of showing interest or flirting or responded to his advances of interest physically or emotionally.
he could have tried Harder too but is it really his fault or mine? And What to do when u realize it is? Is it worth trying for?
Most Helpful Guy
When relationships are "new" (which is under 4 months of dating perhaps) nobody should be trying "harder" to make things work. It should be easy and comfortable and smooth. When it's not that's a pretty big RED FLAG that you're not a good match, or either of you might not be in the right head space to be dating.
So don't waste too much time trying to figure out who to blame.
And you're definitely on the right track in your thinking... your relationship, failed or not, is YOUR responsibility. If it fails it might not be your fault, but it IS your responsibility. So taking this time to look back and LEARN is so smart!
From what you've said I'm going to guess that you're issues are with emotional intelligence and learning how to share your feelings without feeling awkward or embarrassed or shy. Because it sounds like you're having trouble liking a guy and showing it without feeling weird. You said that you can "act yourself" around guys you're just friends with but things get harder when you like the guy?
Hopefully the girls in the site will have tonnes of better info on understanding your feelings and sharing them, and OWNING them. I'm a guy and I'm mostly emotionally handicapt. But I DO understand that sharing your feelings and enjoying your feelings are all positive things.
Having self esteem and confidence is work and requires you to OWN how you feel and to ACCEPT how you feel. It's OKAY to be into a guy. It's OKAY to text a dude you're dating.
It's kinda weird to think that it's HIS job to do all that leg work, even though you're partially right... he should be taking those risks of rejection... but not once you're already dating (more than three dates.)
Asking questions like this is awesome and will lead you down your path of growth and understanding and you'll have better relationships for it!
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