Help me - Im struggling to understand - Loved then Let go of and everything became a lie?

I recently broke up with my ex girlfriend, Her 34 Me 36, we were together for 18 months but had known each other for 18 years. She had been married but divorced and really struggled with the 'loss of family' and 'not being married' We had a great first 6 months, both so happy and had fallen in love. It was effortless, we both just enjoyed being together. Her ex husband was still on the scene because they had 2 children and he would collect them 3 times a week. He was always thoughtless and I think loved to annoy her, which of course I would hear about and support her with. After 6 months she just started pushing me away, saying she struggled with not being married and often appologised but then did it again, it led to regular deep conversations and we would come out of them fine, over time she started saying she didn't want to see me as much, wanted some time for her and although she was always a very private person and hated anyone knowing about her life she stopped wanting to hold my hand etc bit by bit she took away all the things that made us so special and over the last 3 months just kept saying she needed to find herself and couldnt be in a relationship with anyone, asked for friendship and said I was her best friend, I said I needed some time and space to let my feelings subside, she didn't want this and demanded her terms, I had to walk away, after a few days she came back and said she wanted to try, make it work but it lasted a few days and she was back to pushing away again so the cycle repeated, again she came back then 3 days later she left me, 2 weeks later deleted me of Facebook and then 2 weeks later changed her status on Facebook to in a relationship. We both work at the same place but different hours and she brought her new man in the next day... I wasn't there but how much does she want to hurt me? She has never put anything personal on FB and this is just not her... its made everything she ever said a lie
To add, she has always prided herself on being a loving, thoughtful and caring person who looks for the good in everyone. I am a kind caring man who never treated her badly, Her actions are the polar opposite of the person everyone knows her to be...


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What Girls Said 1

  • Wow I really did not see that coming. I was going to say that she just might need time, if she was trying to make it work when you said you needed space then it must mean she likes you and just wanted to sort herself out. But now it seems like she was forcing herself to like you.
    I feel like she might have been dating the two of you at the same time and her saying that she needs time alone really translated to: "I need to think about who I want." She might not have made her relationship status visible to hurt you, you shouldn't jump to that conclusion.
    Does she have her ex husband on Facebook as well? She could have been rubbing it in his face, rather than yours. Women like showing off, in some way or another, and this could just be her way of showing everyone that she has something. Just my theory, but don't take her actions so personally I know its hard not to. It takes a lot of courage to come clean and be honest with someone, especially when its negative news. Maybe she didn't know how to tell you the truth.

    • Thank you for your reply. Im sure towards the end she was talking to this guy but certainly wasn't seeing him while with me. She was the most private person I've ever known, her Facebook had 30 people and she never posted anything about her life. For the first 2 months we were together she (and I) didn't tell anyone because it was our business and she was always worried of what people would think of her. The whole act of broadcasting this is against her very core. Her ex isn't on FB no and nor is anyone that could tell him, I found out because my friend told me as his partner and my ex are friends on there. She had always struggled with being in a relationship and used to say how lucky she was to have me to be so understanding and support her, for the last few weeks she had been completely adament that she needed to get over her past and couldnt do it while with anyone... maybe im just stupid and they were talking for months... but they werent seeing each other.

    • It's just really strange and I feel genuinely sorry for you because you seem like a great guy.
      Personally, from my own experience, I went through a few bad seeds before finding my current boyfriend and I really had to push myself to be with him. And I say that because if I hadn't I would have missed out on what I have now. And I'm probably jumping the gun with this statement, but she missed out on you because it's super hard to find guys who are as patient as you are. People have this "on to the next" mentality, but you were willing to give her all the time she needed to be alone. It's hard to tell you what's going on, the only way to find out is to ask her straight up because she's making all the moves.

    • Hi again, To be honest I cannot give her the satisfaction of knowing how she has hurt me, her actions have made everything she ever said a lie and to ask her anything would be to give her whatever moral victory she was hoping for. All I can say is I am a good person, probably to kind and to understanding. In the last few months she stopped seeing the goodin me and looked for anything she could use as a negative. So even if I asked i would only get lies based on a view of me that she obviously needed to create to get rid of me. I've been told that maybe she was so shocked and upset that I actually walked away that this is just some way to make me contact her or to fill a void that she couldnt deal with but who knows, all I know is when she says she's lost and heartbroken and still loves and always has loved me a few days before deleting me then something is very wrong and she knows that this would destroy me.

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