Heartbroken after a year.. Help!!?

I don't know what to do anymore. In 13 days it'll be a year since my ex and I broke up (together 3 years) I've tried everything to get over him (he's over me; he's with someone new) I grieved (still grieving occasionally), I've vented, I've dwelled then I went to therapy, started new hobbies, hung out with new and old friends, gone on dates, threw myself into work, spent more time with family, journaled, exercised more, read break up books, sought out advice, got on meds, started going back to school, the list goes on...

Anyone I talk to (close family and friends) tell me I should be moved on by now and to just get over it. My head says "he's over you, move on," but I know my heart still loves this man :(

How do I get over this person and move on with my life?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't listen to idiots who say you can't or offer ridiculous advice.

    Here is the thing, nothing is working because you won't let it work. Here is what you need to do and do it in the exact order-

    Sit down and make a list of 4 places you always wanted to visit, different state/country whatever. Map out how much it will cost to go and how to get there, plan to spend at least a week in each place. Now, write it down on the wall in your bedroom with a big sharpie and start saving your money and working double/triple shifts to get the money as fast as you can. Sleep 6hrs a night and work all other hours, drop all hobbies and get to the goal.

    Once you have the money, book your vacation to visit all 4 places, one a week and give your month notice to your landlord, 2 weeks later, put in your 2 weeks notice at work and book your trip 13 days from that day. Everyday buy some new clothing for your vacation and pack any clothing that reminds of your ex in a travel bag. The last day of work, when you get home, clean your apartment or room to give it over. If you are living with your parents even better, clean it up and tidy it up, go buy and put brand new sheets and linens and pack ALL your stuff and leave it in a corner.

    Each day from today write a letter to your ex-bf, put it in a envelope and mail it to yourself. Yes actually stamp it and drop it in the mailbox. STICK to the routine, write one EVERY SINGLE DAY! The day of your flight, take all the letters and burn them all together and throw out that travel bag of clothes, do a full house/apartment/room clean up and then go to the airport and get excited about your month long journey.

    When you get back, don't go home, instead have a apartment looked up already and move straight there and found yourself a new job. The idea is to finally do something for yourself and you initiate a change. Follow it and you will thank me you did.

    Good Luck.

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    • Haha thanks but ummm yea in the real world I have a full time job, two weeks of vacation, live on my own in an apt I solely pay for and have a dog. To top it off, I am starting grad school in the fall. While I'd love to leave all my responsibilities behind, this isn't a practical solution for moving on from a man I loved.

    • "... for moving from a man I loved"- <-- THAT right there is why you ARE miserable and remain miserable, because you consciously don't want to let go, hence nothing helps. Some people like to live in their own pool of misery and have little pity parties, you seem like one of them. Had you indicated that in your original post, I wouldn't had responded. Don't ask for help if you don't need one or not ready for it, instead vent, its easier. Good luck, you're gonna need it.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Now that is one powerful emotional attachment. I'd say there is a way, but it's through the mastery of meditation or you have to find someone else just to offset that feel.

    I know this feeling because I had a watch that was irreplaceable and dear to me and I sold it so I could spend thousands of dollars as if I owned the city. In 3 days it's going to be the anniversary since I pawned it, and believe me, I'm not making fun of your situation, I'm relating to it. I actually grief such a stupid impulsive decision I made, I still dream about wearing it.

    You get over this stuff by actively shifting the focus of your thoughts, or by meditating or by dating.

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  • Let me know if you figure it out. Its been two months for me and just when I think I think Im good and over her something happens to remind me of her, a trip we were supposed to take. A movie we watched together, a song she likes comes on, but what makes me miss her most of her random text that means nothing out of nowhere. Hey sorry I haven't picked up my mail, Do you still need my microwave or can I go pick it up because Im moving in September (even though weeks before I asked her to come get it)... I hope this doesn't last a year for me.
    The only time I dont feel like this and everything goes away is when I go to church and for a short while after there's nothing no pain or feeling of loss. AND when I talk to an a different ex who I've been having daily, quick conversations, and sometimes she flirts for the past 3-4 weeks.
    If anything I have notice it helps just to talk or write about it. Im also finding comfort in Working Out. Keep your head up. Best of Luck

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  • You probably won't for a good while longer. You have to pretend he's dead. He's no longer what he once was to you and will not be again. Keep practicing until he's no longer the person you loved, but someone else entirely.

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