Love gone cousinly wrong?

I've been dating this guy for almost 2 years (ann. Sept 12th). We recently found out that were fourth cousins once removed. We have been secretly still dating because we hate the thought of breaking up because our relationship was so strong it's just been really devastating. We were very sexually active and still are. I'm about to start college I a couple weeks so we thought maybe breaking up was the best thing to do. We still wonder of we can stay together but are afraid of being judged by friends and family. We are also worried that we may have a mentally challenged child by breeding in the same family. We are so lost without each other that we don't know what to do. If I can't get advice, I at least need some comforting words.
Updates:
I wish my family and friends were as understanding as you all. I have never met nicer, more understanding people.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your shared DNA is like 0.0977% (www.isogg.org/wiki/Autosomal_DNA_statistics)

    Me personally, I don't think it's a big deal for you to do it. Fourth cousins is pretty damn far off the family tree.

    Have you researched what impacts (if any) this could have on reproduction?

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    • I have but haven't gotten anywhere.

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    • Ok thank you this was really helpful

    • You're welcome, and thank for MH.

      I hope it all works out for you guys, and best of luck with it! :-)

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • Breeding is fine. Do the research. Incas, etc. Major cultures that only marry cousins may eventually run into trouble, but no problem for you.

    Family is s a different issue.

    Why don't both of you go to an out-of-state college together. You can put it off for four years.

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  • Remember that President Franklin Roosevelt married a distant cousin (Eleanor Roosevelt). I don't think there's much to worry about with you two being as distantly related as you are. (I realize you'd have to make peace with your families over it.) But as for the biological, genetic concern, why not ask your doctor? He or she might be able to give you peace of mind.

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  • If you were first cousins, you could have a messed up kid. Fourth cousins, you ought to be ok.
    If you love each other, don't break it off. You don't get many shots at love. Make them count.
    What should you care what your friends think? If you love each other, and I believe you do, pursue
    that love with all your heart.

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    • I know I really love him, I'm just worried about what our family would think honestly

    • Tcrutch,

      You musn't care what your family thinks. You love this man and
      he loves you. DON'T LET THIS SLIP AWAY ! He may well be "THE ONE" .

  • I knew a couple were fourth cousins and dated so it happens
    i wouldn't worry about it i had crush on my third cousin she is 27

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  • Woah! Are you in some African country? I have heard in some places they still have clans and tribes.

    In the US here. I haven't seen my first cousins in years. I don't know my second cousins. The only way I could find my third or fourth cousins would be with a DNA test. And there would literally be thousands of them. Add in once removed, tens of thousands.

    Fourth cousins on average share 0.20% of DNA, range 0.07%-0.5%. Add in once removed, and you are doing more than halving that. Less than 0.10% on average.

    There isn't really any added risk. Explain the science to them.

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    • Nope I'm in the USA

    • Your family must have recently immigrated. The trend seems to be for people to forget their extended relations after so many decades. It is sort of sad in a way. But I suppose people could always reconnect through DNA tests.

  • I can't imagine anyone would care with you that far removed from each other.

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  • I wouldn't even have a problem with first cousins dating. Of course it probably helps that a female cousin and I were in love, and it was originally her idea at least through games we'd play. Sadly, she died at 18 exactly 2 weeks after my 19th birthday.

    Not that I'm religious, but if you believe we came from two people: incest was absolutely necessary. It's also been scientifically proven that sex between first cousins doesn't significantly affect things like birth defects. Society's taboos need to get over themselves.

    Also, why do you care what outside influences think about it? What matters is what the two of you think about it.

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    • Some cowardly little bitch doesn't like that my cousin was attracted to me and it was mutual. Shove your taboos up your ass diagonally.

  • You guys are basically strangers it's fine :) Damn lucky him! You're hot af!

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  • ...4th cousins?

    I think you're okay.

    Wait, 4th cousins once removed? Yeah, no worries.

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  • I've only met my 2nd cousins once and that was at my grandfathers funeral... so 4th cousins makes no difference.

    4th cousins.. and on top of that once removed... is so far that it really makes no difference. I wouldn't worry about it, and if you do worry about it... just don't tell anyone that you're 4th cousins. The odds of other people finding out isn't likely.

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    • I know we shouldn't have blabbed about it at all.

    • I see that you've already told some people... well, I still wouldn't worry about it. If anyone says anything about it.. ask them if they know who their 3rd cousins are... chances are... they would have no idea.. so if they don't even know their 3rd cousins, how can they say anything about 4th cousins... they could be dating or married to their 8th cousins for all they know... If you go back far enough, I'm probably related to you in some way.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Pfft, you guys are barely related. Carry on.
    And if you don't tell anybody you're fourth cousins, then no one will know you are.

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    • That seems to be our only mistake. We told people about our dilemma now we are stuck.

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